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I fucking hate you. You are a subpar human being, and you’ll most likely amount to nothing because you can’t get your fucking shit together. It’s been five fucking years of this bullshit, isn’t it about time you got over it???
ADD. depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, fucking being molested as a kid… There are 7.2 billion people in the world, you think you’re the only one who’s having to deal with that shit? And yet you don’t see anyone else fucking up as badly as you always manage to. Stop making fucking excuses for yourself and stop playing the victim.
It’s taken four years for you to finish a program that should have taken less than two. You have no fucking friends, you’re failing all your classes (FUCKING AGAIN), wasting money, and just generally being a waste of human flesh. You can’t fucking manage to do anything right. You even killed your fucking fish. Fucking SIX YEAR OLDS manage to take care of fish, and here you fucking are in your early twenties fucking that up too.
JFC, you’d think the 5 different kinds of medication you’re fucking on would help you somehow become a productive member of society, but NOPE, that’s not fucking enough to fix your amount of fucked up crazy.
Please, just fucking stop all this shit. Your mom is eventually going to get tired of your shit just like everyone else, and THEN where will you be? Please, just… I just need to stop being like this. Please. —My Own Worst Enemy.
This article appears in Feb 12-18, 2015.
Now that the fish are gone why not buy yourself a crocodile?
That sounded like a very healthy release. Good on ya, fellow human in need.
op, I don’t believe this is the venue for your posting – but if you posted, you needed to.
complicated people are complicated. some people are flatties. like carnival people called the crowds. flatties because that’s all they appear to be, flat faces with nothing behind them. just flat, two dimensional. people who grew up untouched by pain, grief, horror, emotional torment, self doubts, abandonment, neglect. nice people perhaps, but haven’t experienced the depths. paddlers.
I think the younger you are when someone molests or tortures you, the more impact it has on your life. and…the more hidden it is. hidden but so influential. you would have no idea how many onion like layers there can be behind any decision you make and reactions you have and by how much you can actually LOATHE yourself without realizing it. and loathing yourself can make you burden yourself with goals and projects that your hidden self wants you to fail at. there is a comfort in failing, it’s self realization. it’s something to ‘own’ of sorts. ‘there, I’ve fucked up again’. so over and over that hidden self who believes you are a worthless failure gets reinforced.
you need to really acknowledge that there is a part of your mind that works against YOU. I know that it’s a common expression ‘hey I am my own worst enemy’ but you have to dig deep and REALIZE that it exists. but it is not ALL of you, its just a small but powerful part and it was caused by someone else. created by your own mind to deal with the helplessness your tiny self experienced at not being able to stop what happened.
my own opinion, and I have only ever played a doctor on hallowe’en, but can you get a real, cognitive therapist, step away from goals and projects and responsibilities, get away from the drugs and forgive that little kid who really was helpless, and only deserves your pity, your love and your forgiveness. you would feel it for anyone else who had that happen to them. you need to feel it for yourself too. it was NOT YOUR FAULT.
No human beign should have to look in the mirror and feel such terrible things about ones own self.
There are good techniques now that can assist the mind in getting out of these kinds of “loops.” The Cognitive approach helps some people because it is very “to the point”– less about reliving painful traumas and more about finding new ways to cope in the here and now. It’s less about “feelings” and more of a skill-based approach.
I hope that you can find a good health psychologist or cognitive therapist who can help you rebuild your sense of self, so that when you look in the mirror you see the good, healthy, and confident person you are meant to be.
PS: Fish are terrible pets. I’ve killed off quite a few of ’em (once within the first few hours) before giving up and realizing that I am just not cut out to be an aquarium person. Fish are far too delicate and finicky to be in my care. And I’m even worse with plants. A healthy, robust, highly independent cat that tells me when he wants food is the best pet for me.
PPS: Few people get through their 20s without some seriously big-time fuck-ups. You would not believe all the things that people get wrong, again and again, during that most confusing decade. Start asking around! Collect some stories–you will be amazed!
**YAWN**
Please go bore someone else with your problems.
There’s nothing wrong with asking for advice or reassurance from others but you may consider trying this:
– pretend that you are giving the best advice you can to a dear friend who is in your situation.
– start with a long range plan to improve that person’s life (getting appropriate health care, improving their education, employment, friendships, hobbies, diet, exercise, etc.). Write it down.
– once you have a long range plan for your “friend”, start writing down daily advice for the next day before you go to bed each night.
– read that advice the next morning and try to follow it yourself
– monitor your “friend’s” progress and adjust your advice accordingly. Don’t be afraid to ask others for advice as well.
You may be surprised with what you come up with and how much you can improve your own situation.
Capital vent OP as self-loathing as it was! Baby steps. What else can I say? You can’t take on the whole world at once, it’s too big hence it will make you feel very small. You’re depressed, you can’t concentrate making you less than an ideal student. Your fish died, that happens to a lot of people even six year olds.
You need to pull back and deal with what you can deal with. Get a job, start earning some money, pay your Mom rent, make yourself feel responsible. Then return to fish and education not necessarily in that order.
….and Mod… “Helpful Hands” again?
Just be grateful she didn’t call it “Male Tears”.
Sheeesh.
Hay, if she can make do with cut’n’paste, so can I.
Twenty-something year-olds kill their fish and lose their jobs all the time OB; it’s part of being 20-something. And if you find the right mix of drugs to combat that kind-of-crazy, let me know please?
OP
There’s 7.2 billion people in the world. Why are you obsessing about her. I think you might be at least half yelling at yourself here.
I’m also not overly competitive, let alone obsessive. So I hope I don’t sound like you.
My advice to you is:
1. Nobody can be a productive member of society being on 5 different meds. Psyche meds turn you into a vegetable and make you more depressed/nuts.
2. Get busy. With your studies and get a part time job. You got too much time on your hands to worry and you spendin’ too much time in your head. Get busy and make some money for yourself. Idle hands are the devils playground.
3. Get on a regular healthy eating plan. Starving your brain of glucose is a good way to go cray cray and end up in da rubber room.
4. Forget da fuckin’ fish. Worry about yourself, you ain’t go no time fo’ pets.
5. Positive self-talk. Would you hang out with someone who talked to you the way you talk to yourself? Get you an elastic band to wear around your wrist, and snap it when you start self-loathing and thinking about negative stuff. It will snap you back to reality, then counteract with a self-loving positive thought.
http://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx…
At least the crocodile could fight back.
no-fool, what the fuck are you doing pushing that link? is it a joke? or are you serious?
god gives a little kid strength to endure her father shoving his dick in her?????
Unbelievable. A Christian self-help site. Excuse me while I gag on a crown of thorns and impale me arsehole on a crucifix. Pure drivel based on a fictional character. I’d rather take advice from Eric Cartman than Lard Jezz-Ass and his merry band of wild-eyed devotees.
I thought Fool had some level of intelligence. Yet, Fool subscribes to the teachings of the whole’s worst book, the Bible. Even for fairy tales, it stinks like rotting loaves and fishes.
Just be grateful she’s not pushing Santeria-Mingle.com
http://thehairpin.com/wp-content/uploads/2…
perhaps I should be grateful that Santeria mingle site didn’t open for me.
I imagine those women on hairpin would get a LOT of action. look at that oral capacity
You should try weed instead of all those meds. just might be the thing you need.
Yours truly.