I know you won’t ever read this, but I need to vent. I am sick to fucking death of having you push your extreme paranoia on me! Your apocalyptic views on serial killers, rapists, kidnappers, pesticides, carbon monoxide, bed bugs, flea and head lice infestations are driving me fucking mad. You have ZERO boundaries with me and no fucking respect; you just can’t ever shut your mouth. I am sick to death of having your paranoid views shoved down my fucking throat every time I call you to chat! You are the worst fucking head trip ever! Do you remember when my new baby was a week old and I took you walking towards the town center through a little graveyard in broad daylight one sunny day at about 2pm; one where you could see clearly from one entrance to another for the complete lack of trees? As we passed a benign looking hipster sipping coffee and reading his book, you hissed at me, “See? You’re crazy to take risks like this. He could be anybody!” loud enough for him to look up from his book. I told you not to be silly, that we lived in an extremely safe little town and that anytime I cut through the little graveyard it was in the middle of the day with at least a few people there paying respects, that there were no hiding places, and that I have a good instinct about my safety, having travelled safely through many dangerous countries on my own. You responded with “Whatever. You could be raped! And your baby could be kidnapped!” I told you the world had enough real risks in it without spending your life always looking over your shoulder in fear, to which you replied: “Suit yourself! If you want to put your infant’s life in jeopardy, go right ahead!”
Yesterday when I called to chat and told you about our pleasant morning bike ride along the Trans Canada Trail (which is right in town and very frequently used by other cyclists, dog-walkers and lone female joggers), your only interest in the subject was whether there were crowds for me to cycle in; you just couldn’t let it go. When I added to you that cycling in crowds is not something I am comfortable with, and that although the path is not Times Square, we are lucky to live in relative safety and security compared to much of the rest of the world, you began yelling at me about some murdered girl (killed by her husband and not a stranger, btw), asking me how I would feel to have my child stolen from me and my head bashed in by a rock while being raped. I hung up on you.
I am so sick of trying to rationalize with you: if you want to live your life in cowering fear of every potential threat, that is YOUR fucking problem and YOUR fucking business. Chalk it up to your OWN personal views of life and realize not everybody shares your sick fear! —I Love You But I Really Can’t Stand You
This article appears in Jul 14-20, 2011.
I do believe it’s time to cut off this friendship.
Oops, I thought you meant someone who was a mom, not yours, but I still say cut down the number of times you see her. Just because she is your mother doesn’t mean she’s healthy for you.
This is funny.
Your mom is a small-minded moron trying to inflict her unreasonable fears on you. My mother was like that as well – in fact, I couldn’t go to Expo ’67 because the organizers of the school trip were the Canadian Federation of Christains and Jews – she flipped out at the thought that I might Mazel Tov my ass off in Montreal. And the paranoia lasted until her final lucid thought.
Don’t try arguing with your mom – no point – just make your visits with her short and sweet. If I had to live in fucking fear like her, I’d swallow a bottle of Javex and be done with life. Stupid, silly woman, wasting a perfectly good existence because she believes everything she sees on the news.
You are no longer a child living under her roof and under her thumb and rules so you do not have to put up with her. Like many bitch stories on here much of the problem is that you attempt to try and change people to the way you want them to be, and end up frustrated and annoyed when they do not change. She was probably like this long before you were born and if you continue in this way she may be like this after you are dead as your blood pressure etc. may be at risk. Avoid the hassles, the fights, the rancour etc. – make use of the power you have as an adult just stop seeing and speaking with her. Yes, it may be hard at first but it will benefit your health. Also, she may finally change some of her ways when she looses you, but may not. Tough love for her and you, but you do not need to put up with this – unless deep down you enjoy it otherwise you would ‘pull the plug’ on her. She may be your Mom, but she does not have to be someone you interact with all the time.
Wing. Nut. Congratulations for not perpetuating the bullshit!
i got thru about 6 sentences in this thing, and thought to this myself. yeah, what a fucking lousy mom you have, for even thinking to care about your health and safe being. what a stupid person this is, worrying that sometime you might get mugged, raped, or murdered. this is fucking halifax, remember that, next time you decide to go for a stroll theru some not desirable area.
but don’t take your mom’s or anyone else’s advice, do what you want o.p., and become another statistic of halisux.
UM, LS… listen dude, if you aren’t going to read the whole thing, please don’t comment. Her mom is seriously fucked up and could probably do with some medication and professional help. And it’s healthier for her and her child to not really be very involved in that relationship.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Xi8NvSetZc
maybe so ralmn, but the whole thing is that her mom is protective of her, maybe overly, but still. when and if this person finally meets an attacker, i hope she remembers back to what she wrote here, but it will be too fucking late by then. if the mom wouldn’t say anything to her, then she would have another bitch out, about not caring for her. someone there, is no doubt fucked up, but i don’t really think it is mom. maybe kid has an oversecure sense of well being for the world, too bad it won’t happen in this or any other lidfetime. humans are animals of greed, corruption, theft, murder and a whole lot of other things. that the wild animals are not.
I like that vid, ?! – hadn’t heard of her. Thanks.
Just tell your mum what she wants to hear. If you tell her you took a bike ride on the trail and she wants to hear you went with a group? Just say “oh, yes. With the cycling group”. You’ll probably both be happier.
I’ve had on the job training from mental health professionals that said one should not indulge behaviour like this.
Both of my parents are kind of like this, to the point where I am just a bag of paranoia most times. My father always told me to keep every receipt ever, in case you have to prove your whereabouts for some reason… He also used to tell me, when I was like 10, when I would go to public washroom and he was with me, waiting outside, he would always say if there were some butchy women in there who frightened me, to just scream really loud and he would come running in. LIKE SRSLY. And my mother would never let me leave the house past like 4pm. She wouldn’t drive me to friends house and refused to let me walk or take the bus… I was like 13-14 at this point. She thought that there could be a murderer on the bus just waiting to snatch up a young girl.. which I guess could happen but JEEZ. Despite those things, I think I turned out okay, besides having to lock my door like ten times or I can’t sleep ;D.
Hey ?!, I haven’t heard that tune in years! Good one. This Be The Verse with the same flavour:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rjRYSfCJvM
Merci Mr Larkin.
I wrote this bitch and am mentally hugging all of you guys for your comments (well, except you, LS!).
I try to have a rational amount of caution in my life: as in I don’t walk alone late at night, keep my doors locked, wash my food before cooking it, install childproofing on all forseeable dangers to my child…etc etc. I consider myself to be a fairly cautious person. I’m adventurous but not by any means reckless. My mom though, I think she would be perfectly happy to have agoraphobic children that never leave the house for fear of dying. Recently (early spring) while I was visting her, she attempted to PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN me to prevent me from leaving her house at 7.30 pm to run across the footbridge over the ravine to pick up something for my child from Shoppers Drug Mart. I promise to you all, it was literally 250 meters away, a busy time of evening, and a safe, crowded neighbourhood! I can understand her not wanting me to go across a quiet bridge alone late at night, of course; but it was 7.30pm, not even dark and in TORONTO; not midnight in downtown Johannesburg! I grew up in Halifax and it was just as bad there; it’s always been. I secretly have alot of nighttime anxiety and superstitions thanks to her; lots of irrational fears that manifest themselves when I’m laying in bed at night before sleep, but in the morning I shrug them off and get ON with my life!!!
TTFN, you and everyone else here are right; I’ve got to stop trying to make her see rationally; no matter how respecfully I do it she only twists it to make it seem I have “no respect” for her and am nothing but a bully anyway. If I use an example of my siblings agreeing with me on something, she accuses me of “talking behind her back”. So i’m going to cut the contact WAY down to the very minimum. She makes me feel rotten.
And Dartguy, you are dead right: it IS a complete waste of time trying to change her views. Exhausting and utterly pointless, so I do take some responsibility in the tension between us; from now on when she goes there i’m just going to be like: “Oops gotta run, my noodles are boiling over!!”
My mother must have been your mother’s clone. I went through the same shit and when my old lady got on her pedestal, I’d cut off all contact until she learned to behave. She did the same thing to my sibs – the ol’ ‘divide and conquer’ trick but I refused to bite as they did. Like one of the other posters said – your mother needs TOUGH LOVE – just because she plopped you out of her womb doesn’t give her the right to make you feel like crap.
Good for you. I am a Mom and a Grandmother. Yes, I know you do love your Mom, but I am on your side. I would not want my children to be afraid to step outside. There is so much to experience. All the best.
Thanks TTFN, I wish YOU were my mom! I just got off the phone with her, and although I avoided the subject, she brought it up again to raise the issue of my ‘extreme sensitivity” towards her cautioning me, how she can ask my sisters to “be careful” without them losing their calm. I told her the reason they stayed calm was because she had respect for their boundaries and so does not push them the way she pushes me. I didn’t tell her they regularly tell me how nuts they also feel she is; they’re just much better at keeping the wall up. I need a serious break from her and hopefully you’re right; she’ll eventually learn to behave.
Hugs to you
Thanks DB 🙂
I didn’t answer my mother’s calls for 18 months after she told me the reason my first marriage broke up was because I didn’t cook enough meals for the cocksucker I married – who was plugging half his employees behind my back. It humbled her some when I finally accepted her call but in no time she was right back to the same old shit.
I’d love to be your mom, Z – I believe I became a decent mom by doing the opposite of everything my mom did – as it turns out, the kids call me a hell of a lot more than I call them – perhaps because I HAVE A FUCKING LIFE!!!! That’s what your mom needs. Or maybe she’s just a born cunt. Some people are.
Now, go enjoy that lovely peace and quiet, crack open a beer, light a spliff if you’re so inclined and forget about the bitter old bag – YOU IS FREE!!!!!!!!!
sorry to hear that z, but truthfully, what i said still stands. it’s one fucking nutty world out there lately, and only those with balls or vag, will attempt to go thru it, with an air of fuck you.
i’m one of those types, you come at me, one of us goes to a hospital, or worse, and i know this, it fucking well won’t be me.z, there are assholes out here, in the real world, that would slit your throat for a buck or two, really. look at all the shit that is going down daily, can you really blame your mom for being afraid for you. or can anyone else, blame a loved one, for not wanting to see you wind up a statistic, of crime.
there are a lot of good and decent people around, sure, but just as many fuckheads too. just that you have been lucky so far z. i hope that it keeps up for you, hate to see one of my fav. bitchers become road kill, or otherwise.
My mom is the exact same way ! I swear I could have written this myself. It is interesting how many people on here have paranoid moms ! I agree your mom may need tough love but blocking her out of your life is extreme, and may cause her emotional distress & as she already sounds a little off balance this may not be the best way to go about it and won;t get your point across as effectively as speaking with her strait up about issues.
I know this may sound mean, but as I got older and realized how preposterous some of the thoughts and things my mother said were I have grown out of the annoyed/avoid stage, and now I openly mock/laugh at her when she says stupid things – sometimes it is strait up hilarious – if you can get past the annoying aspect of it.
She has actually has toned it down a lot too since then… who likes being laughed at when they’re serious, right? It makes them stop and think before they speak if they’ve got someone around whose not going to go easy on them.
My whole family has got a touch of the fear, but I find as long as you always say whats on your mind, and explain clearly why you feel that way,it is easy to show people which thoughts of theirs are irrational.
Being around crazy people can make you crazy,but family is family, and I hope you don’t stop speaking to her altogether Im sure she has your best intentions at heart even though her intentions are paranoid ones. Have you suggested therapy for her? She might benefit a lot from it, and you may reap the second hand benefits from it as well.
Wow, TTFN, that is crazy; My mom has blamed each of us as well( my siblings and I) anytime we’ve had our hearts broken in the past! She’s extremely comforting until it suits her to speak her true mind..and likes to go below the belt. I am totally with you on doing everything the opposite of what my mom did (well for the most part anyway) in raising my kids; to have the relationship you seem to have with your kids is what I’m striving for; I’ll respect their desire to have their own lives while I do my best to enjoy mine.
Dragonfly, I agree with you too that family is family: I couldn’t ever ice her out forever; there are things I love about her and she can be so likeable when she stops looking over her shoulder for God’s watchful eye analyzing her potential as a saint. just need a little break to allow her to think about things!
And LS, while i think I know what you’re trying to say and that you mean well, I’m not quite sure you know what I’M trying to say. My point is there’s a BIG difference in taking responsible measures to keep yourself aware of life’s dangers, and living your life cowering in a ball of fear and neurosis over every little puff of carbon monoxide that passes your nostrils! You’re a smoker, aren’t you? Well how would you like it if every time I saw you light up I preached about your passive suicidal tendencies and my visions of you dying a slow, painfull, choking death.
And LS, there’s a difference to having an air of “fuck you” and cowering in a ball of fear everytime you watch an episode of law & Order SVU. You know that movie “When a Stranger Calls”? When my older sister was 6, mom told her the exact plot of the movie without telling her it was a movie but rather her friend in Montreal. So my sister was terrified of babysitting us as a young teenager.
My advice to you, learn to talk to your mother without giving her information that you know will set her off. Keep your conversations vague, brief and always tell her you have to hang up because you have somewhere to be… trust me… it’s sad to have to do it.. but it works. I promise once you learn this skill your relationship with your mother will be much better. It seems op you don’t live with her… why are you walking into her negative trap… time to grow up.
Sounds like my grandmother.
And she wonders why the family doesn’t want to talk to her…
yeesh, my mother is only concerned with my shoes being big enough
It’s a shame people have to have that kind of head space. Life is too fucking short to be trying to control everything and everybody – inevitably, that person will alienate the very people she supposedly values. My mother mellowed in her old age but the paranoia came back with her dementia when she was 89. We had all forgiven her by that time and when she passed away on my birthday last month, we were all there for her. Who can explain what drives someone like that? I’ve always said we’re a sum total of our experience.
Here’s my spin the whole safety vs. paranoia.
It’s quite simple, people who walk around looking and feeling like potential victims, are more likely to be targeted.
You could live in complete fear of everything and do everything by the book and still die in a freak accident or get cancer or HIV.
Then what? You lived a shitty paranoid life for nothing. At least you can tell them all you told them so, when really you’re the one who missed out.
You can’t control what’s going to happen to you in life, beyond taking precautions. Forget leaving the house, every moment you exist you are risking everything. I could have a heart attack in 4 seconds, I don’t know. I could break my leg when my roommate takes his business trip in a few days and starve to death. I could be on my way to work tomorrow and die in a car accident or get hit by a stray bullet or contract airborne SARS from one of the daycare kids I pass by on my commute through my window.
A life without risk is no life at all, and living in paranoia, in my personal experience makes you a target and an agitator to others, effectively increasing your chances of being victimized. The term Self Fulfilling Prophecy comes to mind.
No one likes a worry wart.
As for your Mom, you’ll figure it out, good luck.
Right fucking on, tommyjules902, well said.
This is the first bitch I’ve read in a long time that stayed on topic from beginning to end… except… for… this…. one– dang! Sorry!
all i’m saying z, is that you should listen to your mom, too late after it happens. i know a few young girls that didn’t listen to words of advice and wisdom, and now they are worm food. i’m not saying that you should hide yourself away from everything and one. i’m just saying take it all in, with the proverbial grain of salt.
i would hate to have to read somewhere, that you were hurt in an attack, that could have been prevented, by a little dilligence on your part. i’m also not saying to go looking for shit to happen, because it will and does. sometimes an area where you live, could be life threatening, as in shoot outs. yeah, it does happen, and too fucking mant lately. see, us bitchers actually try to care for one another, unless the other party is a complete asshole, and yes, there are some here, as well as anywhere else. sometimes i wish i had listened to my mom more carefully sometimes, and just maybe, my life would be a whole lot different. and maybe, if my first dearly departed wife, had listened to me, she would still be alive and with me and our brood of younguns, that we would have had. yes z, we get chances in this life, but how wisely you use them, is all up to you, and thee.
I think most mothers have that particular tendency to overprotect their children and they never lose it. Some, like OP’s mom take it to a whole new level. My mother-in-law is a bit like that, sees the worst possible outcome of just about any scenario. A poster mentioned back aways on this bitch “don’t believe everything you read” and that’s part of the problem. The media serves out threats and impending catastrophes from all corners of our lives, from the sky, our food, our neighours and our schools. If you took it all to heart, you’d never leave the house.
Some of these events are real and need addressing but some, not-so-much. I remember, a few years back, a young woman losing her leg to a shark in Florida. After that, new stories kept popping up about shark attacks on the news. Why? Because the initial story drew a lot of interest and the media and their sponsors wanted to capitalize on other similar stories. Time magazine proclaimed 2007 (I believe) as “Year of the Shark”. When all was said and done it turns 2007 was a year when shark attacks actually went down and this hysteria derailed efforts to protect sharks as an endangered species.
OP’s mom would probably have cautioned her daughter about going to the beach, stay on shore, there are sharks in the water.
The only advice I have for OP is to tune out the negativity, change the subject, do what you want and don’t feel bad about it.
Hey Z Hope it all works out well for you, and your Mom. Many folks behave the way they do because of the way they were raised or their past experiences, which makes sense. Perhaps she had terrible situations happen to her in the past that she never has spoken to anyone about. As others have said maybe therapy would help her, but at this point she may just balk at that. She may fully treat you the way she does from good intentions, but still does not mean she should make you feel like ‘crap’ when/after speaking with her. Or she may well be a total control freak who will never change at all. With luck, if you are able to cut her off for a while, she may be able to change over time and there can be a re-connection. After all it would be a shame for any of your kids down the road not to know their grand-mother. It is a risk and a hard thing to do, but after all we are the only person we wake up with each day of our lives, and it is best if we feel as well we can. Whatever happens though try to keep some love for her in your heart in some way or another, after all she is warts and all still your Mom. All the best to you.
You guys are great, thanks!
Also, TTFN I’m sorry for your loss, and that you experienced it on your birthday. Sending hugs to you 🙁
Thanks, Z – I figure it was my mom’s way of telling me not to forget her.
Show some fucking respect to your mother, OB, you heathen bastard! She’s just trying to look out for you because you’re probably unable to take care of yourself and make stupid decisions like putting crack on your toast and shit in your coffee instead of sugar. So many haters in this thread.
wascally wabble wouser^^
Dats him! Dats dat cawwot chewin’ wascal!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2VMqQ6XnmI
I stand corrected
OP, get your Mom the Bed Intruder Song.
he’s climbin’ in your windows
he’s snatchin’ your people up
tryna rape em so y’all need to
hide yo kids, hide yo wife
hide yo kids, hide yo wife
hide yo kids, hide yo wife
and hide yo husband
cuz they rapin’ errybody out here
+1 for Sebastian.