A little lesson in flirting etiquette: when you approach a girl in a bar and she clearly doesn’t want you falling all over her so she politely ignores your advances, this does not give you reason to call her nasty names. Because that made me want to talk to you all the more. —Please Keep Your Face Outta Mine

This article appears in Sep 1-7, 2011.

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77 Comments

  1. No such thing as a polite ignore…….you should be straight up with the person and tell them you are not interested.

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  5. The more time I spend not being a student, the more I want those fuckfaces to go swallow straight razors.

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  6. The only solstice I have is the fact that 90% of them are taking useless degrees and will probably end up rotting away in call centres.

    Who the FUCK takes a BEd these days, let alone a BEd in primary education?

    Fuckfaces.

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  8. I have started to take the bus again and as of late, they are usually packed with a fuck ton of students and all they seem to talk about is their degrees (and who’s fucking who and trashing talking their BFFs) and what they plan on doing when they acquire that magnificent bachelor of arts or commerce. Makes me sad. Also, I don’t think you can do anything with a bachelor of psychology except shell out some more money to get a Masters or something.

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  10. you have a solstice???
    YOU BITCH
    is it summer or winter?
    solstices are there for everyone to enjoy… not your greedy ass…

    or are you talking about a Pontiac?

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  12. Awww…no fair! Now I want a solstice, too! Kittyyyyyyyy? Could I borrow yours maybe sometime? lol

    LOL @ zZz “or are you talking about a Pontiac?”

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  14. Thanks breadlady. Rough day — at LEAST 98% of the people I’ve encountered are fuckfaces and I haven’t eaten since last night.

    And that’s right so fuck you, you rageful dick! 😀

    Also: if I see ONE MORE FUCKING IPHONE ATTACHED TO SOMEONE’S FACE I’M GOING TO GRAB IT AND STOMP ALL OVER IT.

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  17. I’m guessing you don’t know what penultimate means….

    in the words of nelson..
    ha ha.

    get that lady some granola stat.

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  18. Roar!! Wow! Don’t feed the Pretty Kitty, eh? Um….PK…..Your awesome and adorable. (or so I’ve been told – see “Bend Over Canuck”) Breathe, smile, have some juice. It’s almost supper time. Everything’s gonna be ok. Ok?

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  20. *ducks for cover from the flying objects about to be hurled at zZz.*
    Listen, man. Not meaning to sound insensitive, but, if you don’t make it through this thing alive, can I have your bike?

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  21. I don’t *have* to hurl things at zed, avast — the fact that he’s suffering in his own misery is enough for me! 🙂

    And yes, I know what penultimate means.

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  24. I suppose that’s a consolation.
    laughing at all my misfortune and chagrin.

    grrr.
    everything totally and completely… sucks.
    the big one.

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  29. i know quite a few people who’ve been called upon. some went, others had good reasons not to

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  30. dear chick, just tell him that your lover is a homosexual, and ask him if he wants to do a threesome….I’ll guarantee that he will leave you alone.

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  32. dear OP. take a class in sales. they will tell you that over 85% of prospects don’t even consider buying your product until you have approached them at least 5 times.
    You should take it as a compliment that this guy wanted you instead of someone that was easy to get.

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  33. Reminds me of: “If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.” …. or the adapted version to describe the OP: “If she looks like a slut, acts like a slut, and dresses like a slut, then she probably is a slut.” That’s why the guy was hitting on you.

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  35. my goodness, whatever happened to the old, wanna go to my place and fuck all night? used to work pretty good up til about 10 years ago for me.

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  36. jodie foster did that movie about assholes that rape women because they look like a duck, walk like a duck, talk like a duck….sebastard, you need to rent a copy and watch it.

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  39. crabs can be dealt with by a 10 dollar bottle of shampoo. if the chic is worth fucking ( thereby risking STDs) then why would a $10 bill get in the way?

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  40. kitty, i would love to give you a whopper, but some other people would get upset that i didn’t give them one also. down seb, behave seb,good boy.

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  42. Nah, they get your name from the health card registry, apparently.

    I think I might be able to get out of it.

    And I’m working now so I better not have to take any time off work! *grr*

    First thing I’m asking is if lunch is provided, and if I can bring my cat if i’m sequestered.

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  47. PK, I hope you seriously consider going through it. Jury duty can be a life experience, you will be compensated, your job protected, and frankly….its supposed to be a responsibility of all citizens. Do you really want to walk away from such an interesting responsibility?

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  48. I had to go to jury duty selection a couple times. They only provide you stuff like pay or food if you get selected. All you gotta do is give the defendant a dirty ass look, like “I’ma make sure they bury your punk ass under the jail” and he can decide not to take you. It worked for this one guy there.

    You can give em a good reason, I wouldn’t take no unpaid time off work for that shit.

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  49. I guess I’ll HAVE to do it if they make me — unless I want to get arrested and pay a $1000 fine.

    I just have a short ass attention span. Horribly, horribly short and I’ll probably end up falling asleep.

    Ah well.

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  50. Nah! Dirty would have been me saying something like “I’ll give you all the Lays you want” or “Have a bite of my Half Moon” or “When you’re this big, they call you Mister” or…ah well, you get the idea.
    Anyway, apologies for making it sound dirty. lol

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  55. lmao…no apologies needed, PK. It’s all in fun.
    *makes note of PK’s nut allergy* What about Fuzzy Peach?? Nibs maybe? lol
    And..um…I’m almost afraid to ask this but…zZz, how the HELL do you know what my stick tastes like?? *shudder*

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  60. ALso, zed doesn’t care, avast. He made fun of my grandmother who just died of the ol ‘timers and was all “pfft everyone dies of that.”

    Sensitivity isn’t his forte.

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  61. well….technically, yes…but morally, emotionally and more importantly, visually…N-O! In the name of all that is holy…NOOOOO! (*shudder*)

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  62. Yeah, I figured as much, PK. Not to mention, he had no idea, either. PLUS, it’s been like 11 years and ya got to admit, his reply was rather creative, so, points on that. But STILL, he’s a….what is he PK? Help me out…

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  63. So, avast, who’s top and who’s bottom? That’d be TOTALLY lol if burly ol’ zed liked to be the sebastard.

    ALso: Zed is a part time prick. Sexy beast, yes, but part time prick indeed. I question his judgement sometimes, too.

    Apparently he’s friendz with one of MY most sound minded friends who has wonderful judgement, herself, so I guess he can’t be all THAT bad. I haven’t cross referenced though, because that would be creepy, so I can’t make any judgements, myself.

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  64. (sigh) kitty… I was hoping you’d seamlessly just pick up where I left off and use your word of the day from yesterday. fail.

    And to answer your question, as this is not my “cup o’ tea”, I don’t know who would be on top or bottom. But, judging by zZz’s sometimes broody and moody replies, I would say he is one of those people who doesn’t like to be touched. Totally guessing.

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  67. PG – Ahthankyou! lol (I’m kidding of course. I don’t REALLY think he is one.)

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  69. Aww man, I totally missed that. I could’ve had so much fun with that too given the nature of my jesting.

    And zed — I’m sure you can figure that out for yourself. She’s delightful and I heaaaaart her.

    Also: lolz on the ‘no touching.’ He probably’d scream like a little girl. Much like sebastard when he sees his bumhole in the mirror.

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  70. Ooohh, good word Painy! And judging by the definition, (I totally had to look that one up), very apropo.
    Sigh….As for you, Kitty, you fuckface (j/k), try and keep up, will you please? Golden opportunity wasted. 😛

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  75. Instead of ignoring his advances, why not politely tell him your aren’t interested. Sometimes ignoring someones advances seems rude and snobbish, which I’m guessing that’s what he thought and told you exactly that. He probably spend 5 mins prior to talking to you psyching himself up to go talk to you, and you ignored him, if he did that to you, I bet you would have had some choice words for him too.

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  77. OP, you want to give a lesson in etiquette yet you flat out ignore someone when they try to talk to you? I don’t blame someone for calling you names. That’s something a rude, stuck up bitch would do. There are polite ways to let someone know you’re not interested. If I walk up to someone on the street and ask them a question and they clearly ignore me, I’d call them an asshole too. I don’t see how this is any different.

    I wish some of you bitches could know what it’s like to be a guy for just one night. If a girl walked up to me and I ignored her, she’d probably call me some names.

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