Yes, I know it was bound to happen eventually. I just didn’t know it was going to hurt this much. Of course I can’t call you a “fucking bitch” or be mad at you about anything. That wouldn’t be fair. Of course, really, you didn’t even do anything wrong. You ended it because you felt it wasn’t working and didn’t have feelings for me anymore. OK, fine. You got together with someone else because you feel he’s better for you than me. OK, fine again.
But… being dumped, and knowing about you with another guy… hurts like a fucking bitch. All the reasoning and logic and everyone telling me that I’ll be fine, to just “be a man” and get over it, that things really aren’t so bad isn’t stopping the pain. Exercising, keeping busy, going out with friends, talking to other girls… nope, still there, constantly. I’ve been punched and beaten and have had broken bones and everything, and that pain is not even close to how this feels. Fuck love! Fuck emotions! I wish I was a fucking robot or “typical guy” who only cared about sports and drinking and didn’t have to deal with this shit. This hurts, like hell, a lot. Ouch. I hate this shit.
—Alone and heartbroken
This article appears in Dec 24-30, 2009.
People who say “get over it” are assholes.
That’s really all I’ve got.
My advice? Next time…be “the other guy”, and leave the shlepping through a relationship for the shmoes…
The nicer you are to a chick over time, the more likely her nature will eventually compel her to seek out another dude for sex…
Like a physical wound only time will make the pain less intense as you heal from this emotional wound. Losing a relationship with someone you love involves a grieving process which you are experiencing along with the pain of betrayal. Hang in there. It does become easier with time. One day you’ll realize this person has done you a favour by setting you free to be available for one who will respect and love you in the way which you deserve.
the beeatch could have at least waited till after the holidays
Unfortunately you’re not the first and definitely not the last. but time will dull the feelings.
You could entertain yourself with fantasies about the two of them hooking up, having a dozen kids before he walks out on her – seriously though, time will heal this wound – I can positively guarantee that. For a while it’ll feel like a rusty icepick through your heart seven days a week, then it’ll be six, then – well, you get the picture. Get it all out now – lean on your friends for a few weeks – diversion is essential and it seems like you’re on the right path in that sense. We’ve all gone through it, kid.
Ugh, the worst is thinking/knowing they’re with someone else.
TTFN has some great advice. I’ve had my heart smashed a few times over the past few years and it’s still beating and still [relatively] in tact. But allow yourself to be miserable for the time being — people who are all “just get over it already!” SUCK. There’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling, OP, but i can promise you it will get better!
Its the holidays. Go out and do some shopping and meet new and wonderful ladies.
Frosty… blanketing statements about women do not become you at all! I, for one, am happy inside a monogamous relationship… always have been… yet I’m all girl. Go figure, huh?
OP, there’s lots of good advice here about giving yourself time and being sure to move on. I’ll tell you, as long as you continue to think about her the pain of lost love will never leave you, will carve a nasty chip out of your shoulder “visible” from a mile away and THEN you’ll be lonely and broken forever and ever. Yes, you can do that to yourself! So don’t! Sometimes you have to refuse to think about it (the pain of this loss will ALWAYS be there when you look for it) and get focussed on something else. Maybe it’s not another girl that will distract you sufficiently. Maybe you take up a new hobby and find passion in that… make it a unisex hobby and the distractions might actually dig you out of this hole.
Remember, you get to choose your feelings. When you’re ready you’ll choose better for yourself. A broken heart does not a martyr make. Fix it, OP. Things can only get better after that.
One more thing… this is EXACTLY where the word SLUT came from.
OP … I feel ya. Love sucks so bad, the Beatles were completely wrong. Time helps but its slow going, trying to distract yourself with work/friends/school is the best you can do until time does its thing … hang in there.
Kay’s all girl, except for the penis. Which she insists is just an oversized clit.
Tell us Kay, do you still do it missionary style through a bedsheet?
lehova, you forgot “with the lights off and on Saturday night, with all the photos turned around to face the wall.”
Hey, uh, Frosty. You don’t get laid too much do ya, and when you do, it’s from the “friends of the road” huh?
Dr. Fever exactly what’s your problem with rental women?
2 consenting adults, no strings, have some fun, move on.
Don’t knock it, if you’ve never tried it…it’s way better (aka more fun) than self abuse.
I’ve got nothing against it… I just prefer someone who I can trust not to give me crabs, thanks.
’cause only prostitutes have crabs…
two words ‘black flag’
one word ‘raid’
problem solved..crabs are dead.
you don’t have to love sports… but me thinks a bottle of 151 and a long weekend binge will ease the pain. Then afterward, you’ll feel so crappy you’ll only want to feel better… and voila! you learn how to take care of yourself.
Must be tough being able to do anything you want to at any time….
Actually (Cliff Clavin insight = ), slut used to refer to a woman who was not clean about herself or her house (dustbunnies were called slutballs).
Traditional NS cure for crabs: kerosene
Prostitution = Consensual sex? In the most glib sense, perhaps.
Love: If you want to feel the kind of love that causes you to climb mountains, swim oceans and fight dragons, you must be prepared to fall, drown and get burnt. Unfortunately, intense emotional pain is the price that must be paid for intense emotional pleasure. A very steep price, at times, but modifying your love to avoid heartache is like eliminating spice from your food to avoid heartburn–effective but not very appetizing.
nuthin ‘clean’ about crabs, Cliff
HKM… about the spice part of your comment.
Isn’t it said that ‘variety is the spice of life’ ?
Has anyone else ever heard that saying?
THen why oh why, would you limit yourself to only one partner, & deny yourself a little spice ?!
Oh right, religious guilt & religious hangups.
We must always remember to appease the never seen ,very broke, BUT all powerful invisible guy up above ………………….L M F A O & rocking in my seat !
More, your name reflects your attitude: more is better : )
but, this is not always the case. And, sometimes ‘more’ simply refers to more effort, more imagination, more attention to achieve more intensity. Variety doesn’t have to mean more partners. In fact, if you truly want ‘more’, you stick to one partner who knows what you like and who is willing to change along with your changing needs. Casual sex eliminates intimacy (which fine if you want it to be all about you and your needs). But, some people get off getting others off as well. And, for some people, getting off is only the anti-climax–the real climax is getting off together.
HKM you can have all that…& you can have even MORE, as I have suggested .
Took me over 27 years to realise that.
If I had a wish to make about my life, it isn’t that I would really change anything. But I would have liked to know what I know now…even sooner ~:)
I guess you have found the secret to life then…the thing that makes you happy. And, that’s good. Only, often you do not appear to be very happy.
yeah, I have that feeling all the time..
I wish I knew the hockey scores for last weekend’s games a couple weeks ago.
that would have come in handy.
http://www.nhl.com/scores/index.html
…If only happiness were that easy all of the time = )
Sorry HKM if i don’t come across as ecstatically happy in my posts all the time.
That’s just possibly how you read them, & not actually my mood.
So I’m trying to remember the last time I was really sad…& I think it was when a friend of mine with inoperable cancer, who had fought it for as long as he could, then took his own life. His letter we received afterwards helped, but it was still a pretty sad time. He’s the only person I’ve known who has commited suicide & actually had a good reason for it.
He wasn’t going into a hospital to waste away & die, which is what was about to happen. I can really see the point of when all that’s left is ‘pain management’ & being hooked up to machines while you slowly weaken & die…
others of course will disagree with that.
but on the up side the girlfriends making horse diapers & the wine is chilling, wood stove’s putting out heat…& taking away the slight dampness in the air. mmmm smell those bees wax candles ~:)
I just thought you came across rather angry sometimes, not sad = ( (And, I am aware that this is a bitch venue = ).
I am sorry about your friend. I totally get his decision though. I made it known to my family that if it ever comes down to them having to decide for me quality of life vs. quantity of days, please let me go.
I cannot imagine what horse diapers are…except those really big sanitary napkins for women…and I am sure that this is not what you are referring to = ). But, it sounds like a nice, cozy evening. Cheers!
relationships suck when they end….it takes time ..more than a day ….i have been split a year now..and it still bugs me sometimes…chin up ….
Drink until it turns to hate.
He left me over 10 years ago. Sure, I moved on, found new love and all that but every day he’s there in my mind. Every… single… day. Your first real love (or idea of real love) never ever leaves you… sometimes I wonder if we had it right in requiring marriage before sex and in divorce being illegal. It seems such a crime to live with a broken heart.
“…sometimes I wonder if we had it right in requiring marriage before sex and in divorce being illegal”
So, he would be forced to stay with you by law until the end of your life? First, you could always leave your partner–the law only forbid you from remarrying. Second, ‘separating’ from a person is not just a physical thing. Third, better divorce than killing off your partner to escape them. Fourth, who wants someone who doesn’t want them?
I can see where Davis and every other broken heart out there may be coming from. The idea of sex and marriage are completely divided this day and age. Monogamy? WTF is that? A value to be cherished? Not any more. There’s no help for it now since marriage is a bad word and sanctity an unreasonable expectation. Maybe if society frowned upon such behavior it wouldn’t be such a convenient option to just split from the ones who loves you. Instead I think we’d realize relationships are WORK and not to be taken for granted since the “greener grass” would be an undesirable option.
Waiting for marriage has an important element that is lost when one doesn’t wait:
Someone once told me ‘you should go head to head before you go belly to belly’.
There may be something to this as I’ve seen many a couple jump into bed before spending the time to truly get to know one another and decide if they are truly compatable before adding sexual intimacy into the equation which brings complicated emotions into a scenario that isn’t ready for them yet. If they had spent the time getting to know each other first they may have realized that their partner is not what they are looking for in a relationship.