Why is it that people think that just because someone is in a relationship they are somehow physically tethered to their partner?
People who are in relationships are still individuals who need to be treated as such. They need time to themselves, they need to be able to hang out with friends without their partner being in attendance at all times, they need to be able to have personal goals and achievements without being expected to share every f#@*ing thing with the other person.
I am not a sidekick or an appendage, I am an individual and should be treated as such.—My own person
This article appears in Apr 15-21, 2010.
Of course you are.
However, every relationship is different and some couples just prefer to spend the majority of their time together rather than go out and have separate outings with friends. I’ve had two major relationships in my life: one where I constantly longed for alone time and separate friends and one where I want to include my partner in my whole non-working life, align our goals and share the precious time I get away from work. The latter has been much more rewarding.
This has been my bugaboo since I was young – people who give up their own identities to merge with their partner – it’s appalling to see how many of these people are insecure and jealous. While I love my crippled-up Hub-Unit to pieces, I would not put up with that ‘togetherness’ crap for .34 seconds – we’d both suffocate and croak. We have our own interests and friends and never lived in each other’s pockets – perhaps why we’ve stayed together for nearly 30 years. What I always wonder is what will these people do when one of them drops out of the scene – do they suckle up to another host as soon as their tears are dried? I could never figure out how couples could ever work and live together – that would be sheer hell to this ol’ broad.
Yeah, and when it’s one partner that’s clingy as fuck and the other that just wants their space, it’s always the one that wants their space that’s somehow the asshole in the situation.
Trust me, I’ve been there.
Yeah, PK, that was like my first marriage. Separating from a jealous spouse is like getting out of jail, emotionally and physically.
we all need our own stuff to do, run away f they want to mould you into their idea of perfection…believe me i know i’m really old
The wife and I are usually connected at the hip as such, but that suits us just fine.
To each their own, really.
OP do you ever have a good point there !
I remember when you’d walk into the neighborhood pub & a waiter would say “where’s your spouse today”
During our break up , just after I had moved out , I got that question & replied ” I killed the bitch & put her in the freezer” .
The woman froze…deer in headlights, it was really funny at the time for me. For her, probably not so much ~;)
& no she isn’t dead, I last heard she was up on charges for assaulting her newest ‘man’….god bless him & keep him safe . I could tell him some stories, but I’m guessing he’s got a few tales of his own now.
Popular buzz words include ‘needy’, ‘clingy’ and my favorite, leaving no ambiguities, “suffocating”. People have insecurities. Some more than others. You want a relationship while maintaining your individuality. Great. Some need a relationship to feel complete or conduct their byzantine power game to mold and control.
Know who you are. Know what you need / desire / want. Hope to find that mix in a person who in turn finds your slate agreeable. Old as day. Never changes.
I like the “I want to include my partner in my whole non-working life, align our goals and share the precious time I get away from work.” route…
it’s what worked for a long time…
I can also see the other side of the coin though… it’s really up to the couple to decide how it’s all going to play out. Just remember… be HONEST and OPEN or you won’t get what you want.
it’s called co-dependency and it’s really really common
I’m way too independant to tolerate that kind of relationship.
the bear and i are joined at the hip because we have a great time, but we don’t need to spend every waking moment together. we work alongside each other so it helps that we adore each other
Oceanlady, I’m with you. I like my own company – if I wasn’t in my present relationship, I wouldn’t be in any. As ol’ Gloria Sternum used to say: Women need men like a fish needs a bicycle. I like my space and if I can’t have it, I’m a very disgruntled TTFN. But I will concede that everyone is different, childhood neurosis can play a big part. I had a cloying, possessive, crazy mother and that’s probably why my personal space now needs to be a radius of 187 metres. My kids still wonder how they were ever conceived.
I could never work with a spouse – I’d be too tempted to staple his head to a florescent light.
and remember kids if you don’t like yourself nobody else will either, and ttfn i get to work with hunky laugh a minute guys but then i can leave when i want
signed
boss lady
TTFN, I’m with you too. Since leaving my long-term relationship I haven’t been in any, even though he thought I’d have a replacement unit in no time flat. Ha! I’m a live life on my own terms kinda lady and loving it.
Oceanlady…welcome to the club.
Its really quite nice isn’t it.
It’s the best More!
I’m in the perfect marriage. I work days, she works evenings and the weekends are meant for quality time together. Doesn’t get any better than that. Occasionally we meet for lunch.
Oceanlady, you and I are on the same pageroonie. Like silent screen actress Clara Bow used to say: “The more I know about men, the more I like my dog.”
Besides, relationships are way too much fucking work. Fortunately, my Unit is low-maintenance – I can’t imagine what it must be like to be with someone who wants to be with you all the time. I’d run screaming right into Halifax Harbour.
Then there’s the sex thing – I must be showing my post-menopausal sensibilities ’cause all I can think of is Eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Shove that thing in the vacuum hose, buddy!
You are too much TTFN!!! Too much like me!!!
Some glad my mind’s not being screwed up with all those reproductive hormones anymore. It’s sooooo nice to be able to think straight again!
You’re lucky to have an agreeable hubby. My ‘unit’ was becoming increasingly more high maintenance with all that male mid-life crisis crap so now he’s got some other silly broad to have to put up with his nonsense. I was thinking about that yesterday and couldn’t be more glad that it’s her and not me that has to test her daily bullshit tolerance.
You’re missing nothing, kid. Let the other woman have the headaches – she wants to cook, clean and have sex with this putz? All she’ll get in return are whines and rotten farts, maybe the odd meal out and whimpering for a blow job. I remember writing a pro and con list after my first marriage and the con list was 27 pages long.
I never aspired to marriage, it kinda just happened. The second time I married an amazing man and I know damn well no other penis holder could ever be as respectful and loving as he has been over the years. He also knows that if he wasn’t around, I’d manage just fine.
Are you sure you haven’t met my ex? Scary how you nailed him to a tee. Hehehe!
Must be some kinda man your hubbly-bubbly, to have outshone a 27 page con list! Sounds like a keeper for sure! I might change my mind about staying single if I could find one of those rare respectful, loving types. Maybe. Although the thought of all that relationship work sends me screaming and running in the opposite direction whenever I meet a guy! So maybe not! LOL!
o.p., if you are in a committed relationship, you don’t look after someone else’s ass.some people need a good kick in the ass, and should have some fucking brains, when it comes to dating, going steady, living with each other. but if you are going to look for another body to be next to, then don’t bother being with the person you are with.
oceanlady, hey hon, i’m still up for grasbs. the real me, is nothing like my personna on here, that i can assure you.
I used to know a couple like this… I used to be friends with the girl, but we weren’t any longer. I was friends with her boyfriend since like Jr High but he wasn’t ‘allowed’ to hang out with me or any of his other friends that were friends with me. He also wasn’t allowed to go to any party or club without her… They are now broken up and it’s great <3. I gots a friend back.
melectric, that’s stretching it a little far…
and definitely where the relationship gets strained.
not ‘allowed’ means some serious trust issues….
and holy crap…
TTFN and Oceanlady had some serious menopausal moments there.
Drink some soy milk will ya’s….
both sexes can be guilty of the i am the most important thing in the universe…i have lost many friends to these soul suckers