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Enough. My parents didn’t name me “dear,” “sweety,” “darlin,” “Hun” or “honey.” I’m a grown woman, almost 30. If all you customers can come in and speak to my male counterparts with a degree of formality and maturity, then you can show me the same courtesy. Don’t use east-coast charm or good intentions as an excuse. I work hard in my job and I have a name and if you don’t “charmingly” call men sweetheart, you can lose it for me. —Not so sweet
This article appears in Feb 26 – Mar 4, 2015.
Lovey, ducky, my dear puddy cat! It’s unfortunate that you can’t accept that in this part of the world we use pet names. you see, if we did not like you would call you Bitch, Skank, Missy Panty Crust, etc.
When a person includes ”almost” before their age they have not grown up. Just as ridiculous as saying 29 going on 30. What the fuck else would you be after 29?
For some people it would be 36, 40, 50, etc. Why is it only women complain when they are called dear, sweetie, darlin, etc. I never hear men complain when women call them by those names.
if old people are calling you this, just shut up.
if young men are calling you this, call them poopsie.
DIFFERENTIAL TREATMENT
You are absolutely correct. There is no reason for women to be treated differently than men. The only recourse is to treat each incident on its own merits. If someone call you “Hun” for example just reply, “I’m hot for you baby. How are they hangin’?”
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Not so sweet? How about as sour as lemon and twice as bitter?
People aren’t personally insulting you by calling you ‘sweetie’ or ‘honey’, that’s just the way you want to take it.
Many guys don’t realize how condescending it is for a woman to be called pet-names in a professional environment. Was once with a male of my acquaintance who got called on it by the lady at the deli counter when he finished his request with “sweetie.” He was attempting to be charming and it backfired. He was puzzled and asked me later what he’d done wrong.
I suggested that she was a grown woman at work, not a little girl. In either case the fact she was a stranger to him made endearments awkward and inappropriate no matter her age. The most important part, he was informed, is that while a few may be okay with it many women dislike this. Unless his intent is inviting contempt dropping this approach was in his best interest.
Women just wanted to be treated with the same respect male employees get. Inappropriate use of terms of endearment is to both parties diminishing not equalizing.
Many women don’t realize how condescending it is for a man to be called pet-names in a professional environment. Was once with a female of my acquaintance who got called on it by the lady at the deli counter when she finished her request with “sweetie.” She was attempting to be charming and it backfired. She was puzzled and asked me later what she’d done wrong.
I suggested that he was a grown man at work, not a little boy. In either case the fact he was a stranger to her made endearments awkward and inappropriate no matter his age. The most important part, she was informed, is that while a few may be okay with it many men dislike this. Unless her intent is inviting contempt dropping this approach was in her best interest.
Men just wanted to be treated with the same respect female employees get. Inappropriate use of terms of endearment is to both parties diminishing not equalizing…
And I repeat: Lovey, ducky, my dear puddy cat! It’s unfortunate that you can’t accept that in this part of the world we use pet names. you see, if we did not like you would call you Bitch, Skank, Missy Panty Crust, etc..
I was really off-put when I moved to England and old men started calling me “pet”- I googled it and it’s actually short for “petal” which is a little better, but like you, I still feel like you don’t need to use a term of endearment when speaking to a woman with whom you have no, or a professional, relationship with.
I’ll make a deal with you. You go to almost every pub, bar and restaurant in halifax and ask the female staff to stop calling me, a 38 years old male, “dear, darling, hun, honey, whatever terms of endearment they use” and we’ll do the same for you 😉
I find women call me by those terms of endearment all the time. It’s just friendliness, it wouldn’t occur to me to take offence. It may be fake but I like it.
I actually like a good old fashioned diner where the waitresses call all the customers “hon.”
And you know, we could all use a bit more easing up in our interactions. Eye contact. A smile. A nod. A Hello. A “How are you today?” An acknowledgement that the person you are interacting with is a person. How’s that for a start?
i’d probably call you doll face, yes i’ve called men and women that
I can vouch for that,. pg has called me dollface.
op, stay away from texas or Alaska, or Minnesota, or Alabama, florida, Saskatchewan, newfoundland, all places where people use these types of greeting. I was put off by the diner waitress in Alaska calling me sweetie, but I was young, inexperienced in the world and had no exposure to cultures outside my own neighbourhood.
get my drift?
sure thing, sweet cheeks
Hey I got three “hon”s and a “darling” today.
I think the level of informality that is acceptable depends on the specific situation. Food service and retail are meant to be informal so customers and staff using pet names doesn’t really seem out of place. On the other hand, if you were visiting your doctor neither of you would likely be using terms of endearment.
The compounding issue is that women are generally seen to be more approachable than men so it is more likely that someone of either sex would address a woman informally. I don’t think it has much to do with differing levels of respect. On the other hand, it is very unusual for a male to address another male by a pet name (other than “buddy”) because … well it just doesn’t happen much.
Years back I used to frequent a little coffee spot and the owner, for whom English was a second language, called all of the customers “dear” – both male and female. It was kind of amusing to see the slightly odd look on the faces of some of the first time big burly macho male customers when he said, “What would you like dear?” .
So, really, it all depends on context.
I think the level of informality that is acceptable depends on the specific situation. Food service and retail are meant to be informal so customers and staff using pet names doesn’t really seem out of place. On the other hand, if you were visiting your doctor neither of you would likely be using terms of endearment.
The compounding issue is that women are generally seen to be more approachable than men so it is more likely that someone of either sex would address a woman informally. I don’t think it has much to do with differing levels of respect. On the other hand, it is very unusual for a male to address another male by a pet name (other than “buddy”) because … well it just doesn’t happen much.
Years back I used to frequent a little coffee spot and the owner, for whom English was a second language, called all of the customers “dear” – both male and female. It was kind of amusing to see the slightly odd look on the face of a big, burly macho guy who was a first time male customers when the owner, a large moustached guy himself, said, “And what would you like, dear.”
So really, everything depends on context.
If a feminist can refer to males as pigs and rapists and whiners, then it should be okay for males to refer to females as dear or sweetie or fat-ass.