Remember the other day when we all stopped into the pub for a beer, and you guys all proceeded to tear up our friend who slipped into the VLT room? “He has a problem” you all agreed. “I would never be owned like that” you all said. Is that right? Well, I know for a fact that the only reason that we all went into the pub in the first place was because one of you had to have a drink as soon as work was over. And, another one of you made us stop at Tim’s to grab you a coffee, because we can never pass a Tim’s without doing so. Oh yeah, and remember two of you popped into the store to get your lotto tickets for that night’s draw (you both have been playing the same numbers every week for how many years?). One of you is a compulsive shopper, one of you is a compulsive cheap ass, three of us smoke and one of you cannot eat ice cream without virtually finishing off the whole bucket.
You may not be ruining your family, screwing your credit or losing your job over your compulsions, but don’t act all virtuous and holier than thou because he (like you) gave into his compulsion that night. When you all can say no to alcohol, gambling, unnecessary shopping, free rides, nicotine and sugar, than you can point a finger at him.
Although, if you were truly good friends, you would try to be a little more understanding that your good friend (for good reason) is in trouble. At the very least, I think that we could use a VLT free pub next time.
—Action not Reaction
This article appears in Sep 17-23, 2009.
Good one.
VLTs should go back to accepting quarters only.
It doesn’t stop you from gambling, but it does slow down the rate at which you can slam your pay-cheque into it.
good point OP, I love when people make distinctions between addiction. Its all triggering the same part of the brain.
people who are addicted to pot are no worse than people who are addicted to coffee, nor is street drugs better than being addicted to “medication” like prescription pain killers. Sure the chemistry is different, and the level of consequences are certainly different between different substances ( crack vs coffee ).
But addiction is addiction. I love how people draw lines between “their” addiction and “my” addiction so they can take the moral high road.
So rather than trying to help a fellow friend, they look down upon him … so what do you do in turn? Actually help? Be the better person? No. You look down upon them all in an anonymous bitch. Nice.
I was going to ask why you don’t get better friends, but now I see you probably fit really well in the group’s dynamic. In belittling hypocrites, you become a really big one, my friend.
refundedsugar,
My friends can piss me off from time to time, they can sometimes act badly, and they all, like me, have some faults, but , unlike you, I don’t toss my friends aside because of it. And, you can call it belittling, I call it giving them a boot in the ass, which they have done for me in the past.
We did coax our friend out of the pub before he spent too much money. I did offer him my support. My post was about changing perspective, and you can be sure my friends are reading it.
I find it more helpful to wait and think about what it is that I want to say exactly, so I don’t end blurting out stupidity or useless shit. Kinda like you did.
I hope this one gets printed!!
Your friends sound like a bunch of fucking jerks. Who gave them the right to be judge and jury? I had friends like that years ago until I refused to live up to their hypocritical expectations. They were a total waste of my life.
Why didn’t you speak to your friends about owning their own addictions. A simple “we all have one kind of addiction or another” would have put them in their place nicely. Nice of you to offer the VLT friend a heads up.
Well, Anomie, sometimes the most direct route is not always the most practical. I chose the route I took for reasons obvious to me. Also, I didn’t want to use words as strong as addiction or obsession–I was actually trying to separate the act of being compelled from these words/states.
I wanted to keep it general so that the average Joe (or Josie) could relate. I wanted to make clear that everyone has their weaknesses. Whether you are compelled to blurt stuff out, pick lint off others, look at your watch every 5 minutes when you are forced to wait, eat when you are not hungry or finish a game that is causing you to run late, pretty much everyone is own by something to a degree. I mean, I don’t think I have met anyone who has not struggled to resist something that they feel compelled to do–especially if it has become a habit or it is something that they really enjoy.
My friend’s inability to resist the pull of playing a VLT, in this context, can be understood. It is, at least, as hard for him to resist as it is for anyone else to resist the thing that compels them. Unfortunately, the thing that compels him also hurts him. But, that is another story. My point was that he can (and will) be judged harshly by many, but I expect his friends to be a little more understanding. Don’t you see? If they can relate, they are in a better position to help him.
Of course, we have faults. We’re human. So what has anonymously dissing your friends (or me) accomplished? Have you fixed the problem? Sewed the seeds of discontent? Do you feel better?
If you need to rant, then rant, we all do, but save your diatribe about hypocritical friends until you get some perspective. All you did was climb aboard a soapbox and proceed to complain about them. Where’s the sense in that?
Well put Op. We all have our vices and many people like to point out other people’s weaknesses to take the focus off of their own. For refined sugar, you are just plain wrong. This is a bitching blog in case you did not notice. The OP simply pointed out something that happens regularly and he has a good point. We ALL need to look in the mirror sometimes,