What the hell. I’m setting up to eat a cheeseburger from a local purveyor of frozen goods (the one on the corner of South park and Spring Garden) and lo and behold it isn’t a cheeseburger but the abortion of a piece of meat that might be cat or dog…not sure, slapped between 2 drink coasters and slathered in what seems to be ketchup, maybe sadness. NO CHEESE! This was served ice cold with a side of 10 minute wait times and a “what the fuck are you doing here,” ambiance. On the return trip to bring back the critterburger I ask that they serve me something, shall we say, the complete opposite of what I just received. They go in back, discuss something, and say the usual, “we’ll make it all better,” once they’re back. What’s this though? They’re getting more cold fare from the same place they got it last time. They’re slapping it together like it’s Ike on Tina. And then what? In the Microwave. The Microwave! Now I’m not a scholar or some sort of genius but didn’t I recall something about a certain food establishment serving their burgers “flamebroiled.” To be honest the only time I have seen flames from a microwave was when I left a burrito in too long. Now I’ll be the first to tell you I have no formal training flipping burgers or serving crap you wouldn’t feed to your worst enemy after he’s slept with your wife, ran over your dog and raped your goats, but I can tell you that a burger is supposed to be HOT and GRILLED! At the very least HOT! Damn even Spongebob can do it! Does that make people who can’t make a burger dumber than Spongebob? I don’t know but it’s something to think about.
This article appears in May 15-21, 2008.
they microwave everything :s ewwww
I never return to a place that can not even make a Cheese Burger. They are Fired !
Your word-crafting is among the finest I’ve read. Are you some sort of word wizard or something?I wish you hot burger goodness from now until eternity.
Every Fast-food Franchise has a 1-800 number you can call and report Non-Compliance, they are expected to serve food exactly the same as every other location and they are pretty Nazi-ish about it. Frankly if they can’t hire someone that knows the basic principles behind cheeseburgers…that is quite sad, and makes think that if they can’t make a cheeseburger correctly than maybe they can’t clean or wash hands properly. I wonder what is in their ice cream…
MMMMMM…good to the last ‘saturated fat’ drop. Some people treat their bodies like garbage cans…step on their foot and their mouths open. I’ll betcha the packaging is more nutritional than what it’s wrapped around.