Dear Lady who insists on calling my house day in and day out looking for “Dave”. Dave does not live here. He never lived here. Never in the history of this phoneline has Dave lived here. You have the wrong number. Must I explain to you EVERYDAY that you have the wrong number? You don’t sound elderly, or like a child. You sound like a grown, capable, phone-book-able, strategic-dialing-competent lady. So can you do me a solid, graaaaaaaab that giant white and yellow paged book that nice man drops off for you every year, look up Dave’s number, AND STOP CALLING MY GAWD DAMN PHONE. please and thank you. I know you can do it, I believe in you. Dave believes in you.
—Not Your Digits
This article appears in Feb 12-18, 2009.
Dave? Dave’s not here.
Lol, now you’ll start getting calls for Roger.
I got the stuff, man!
Dave’s not heeeeereee maaaannnn!
Tell her to wait a minute and you’ll see if he’s home – then hang up the phone.
Tell her you’ll roll over and wake him up…see if she calls back.
Sounds like some girl was hitting on some guy, and asked for his number, but he wasn’t into her so he gave her a fake number.
Tell her that he passed away 2 days ago in a fatal automobile collision.
I saw it on Oprah once, the way to deal with a harrassing caller is to purchase a safety whistle (you know, a basic – and LOUD – whistle like the kind when I was a kid my mom tied to my life jacket so I could attract help).
Anyways, get the whistle, or a horn, or another suitable noise maker, and put it by your phone (be prepared I say) and then when your caller calls again, and asks for Dave, say just a second, I’ll get him, and the BLOW THE WHISTLE as long and as hard as ya can. If that doesn’t work, act innocent and do your sexy receptionist voice and say “I’m sorry, Dave can’t come to the phone right now. Could I take your name and number and have him return your call?” Then get the caller’s number (this should NOT be a problem as the caller has your number and really needs to speak with Dave so you’re all set). What you do next is your choice – you could give place an ad somewhere with that as the contact number (I dunno, free used undies on Kiwhatji), or better still, sign up for a chance to win one of those nifty bendable beds and on the contest card, be sure to check yes to the box that says “I agree that a salesperson may call me”….
nice!
Pretend to be Dave and end whatever relationship that person has with him.
DAMN, spend a day away and miss the “dave’s not here…” classic.
Personally, I like the ol’ moo-ing approach.
They’ll stop calling when all they get back is MOO
Is Dave there?
MOOOOOOOO
but I really need to speak with him…
MOOOOOOOO
sir, are you mooing at me?
MOOOOOOOO
This is really childish sir….
MOOOOOOOO
urgh… click.
unless you have the time to look up some random dave in the phone book and give them that number. They don’t sound like they’re specifying a Dave.. so any Dave will do.
Hey Not you digits
Its me Dave…Have there been any calls & messages since I went on vacation ?