Why did my body have to learn to associate me starting the coffee machine with taking a shit? Every freakin’ day, I go to make a coffee, and suddenly I feel a bowel movement. I either have to ignore it, or listen to it and let my coffee sit and get cold in the pot while I’m on the pot. Does the coffee machine sound like someone farting or something? This doesn’t make any sense!
—101 Psych
This article appears in Nov 26 – Dec 2, 2009.
Doesn’t make any sense? If you pay attention in Psych 101 you’ll learn Pavlov’s Dog salivated at the RINGING OF A BELL… there was no food yet! “Classical Conditioning” is right!! Now, you wanna talk about what caffeine does to make you shit?… which is exactly why I do NOT partake. Ever.
True, anyone who’s ever owned both a dog and an electric can-opener will tell you that with the right conditioning responses can come from the funniest things. Nothing wrong with a good cup of coffee in my book though. Ever.
How long to you take to have a dump? You’d have to be in there for hours for your coffee to get cold.
Get a coffee machine with a warming plate. Problem solved!
Same thing happens with me, but it’s when I pour my coffee which is more problematic.
I can see world headlines now: ‘DEFINITE LINK BETWEEN COFFEE AND THE SPEED OF YOUR FECAL ELIMINATION’- all those coffeegrowers down South would shit themselves, then package and sell it for hash.
Step 1: Record coffee-brewing sound.
Step 2: Play sound as your wake up alarm, before you ever brew coffee for real.
…or just don’t drink coffee.
It’s mostly due to regularity… It’s a good thing. Don’t eat as much fibre/swear off the pro-biotic yogurt (you shouldn’t be eating it by the way) and it’ll change. Guarantee it.
coffee makes you poop
Think outside the psych 101 box and you may discover that gravity is the culprit not the coffee maker.
The Pavlovian response to the coffee being brewed is probably just a perceived one. Its probably more related to the fact you brew coffee at about the same time ever day. People who are on a schedule tend to do the same things at the same time every day like – bodily functions are included in this sometimes.
Be thankful you can shit regularly, OP. There’s nothing worse than having a fucked up digestive system. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: there’s nothing worse than being constipated. Nothing.
Embrace your regularity, OP. EMBRACE IT. You’ll miss it when you’re 80 and can’t take a shit to save your life.
ocean lady’s response made my day.
LOL….my body’s the same, only it happens an hour after drinking the coffee!
Er, there might not be a need for classical conditioning, because caffeine stimulates your metabolism, which speeds up the pooping process. Cigarettes help you poo too; I’m quite sure because whenever I quit, I become constipated!
Isn’t it also possible that since you are smelling the coffee, it is triggering your digestive system which then decided to void itself to make room for whatever you’re about to put in there?
Is this a rhetorical bitch? the heading answers the question posed. Coffee, due to various reasons, is essentially a laxative. I assume you generally drink the coffee you brew, after this come the duece. Due to conditioning your body now reacts preemptively and wants the duece now rather than later…
haha so your the one making fresh coffe for all us while you take a pavlonian shit awesome haha
Hold it til the coffee’s brewed, and drink while you poo, problem solved!
Actually, Pretty Kitty, due to various reason — I do have a messed up digestive system. It’s been getting better, but last year I was in ER twice for food poisoning and once for constipation.
Oceanlady, if that is all that’s outside the box, I should be taking a shit every time I stand up. Not specifically to a sound of a coffee machine.
TO: kay – Dog salivates to a tone, I get a bowel movement to a coffee machine groan.
Oh this is classic. It’ll pass…next thing you’ll be burping to Miley Cyrus’ banshee screams on the radio…
Gray mankin; if your bowels were constantly full and you were getting up from a horizontal position every time then gravity will take effect. What about people who never drink coffee who’s need to go always occurs at about the same time as the person making their morning coffee? What is the pavlovian trigger? A smell might trigger a saivatory or vomit response but I’ve yet to know of anyone who’s bowel function is triggered by aromas. Gravity does matter. Ask your doctor.
I meant to add that I’ve never known anyone who’s bowel function has been triggered by a sound.
Your coffee gets cold while you take a shit? LOL how long are you shitting!?