So here I am, trying to eat some spaghetti in front of the TV, flipping through the channels because television sucks these days. Then the commercials come on, okay just great.
As I’m eating my spaghetti, I look up to see two dumbass cartoon bears dancing around like a bunch of pansies. Then all of the sudden one sticks it’s ass right on the screen to expose loose pieces of toilet paper stuck to it’s asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK. Charmin, you aren’t winning any customers you dumb shits, take your idiotic commercials and stuff em up your urethra.
—Bastard Fish
This article appears in Jul 2-8, 2009.
Looks like we’ve got a clear case of Cartoon Bear Rage here.
Haha awesome
they sure do make good t papaer tho
Haha – they are stupid commercials, but I’m with Jane on this one, they make great TP. Especially the red one that you can only get at the superstore.
YES!! wal mart has it too!
Who the heck approves all these tasteless commercials we are bombarded with anyway? Professionals? Hahahahaha!!!
Hahahahahaha!
Hahahahahaha! I’ve thought the exact same thing before. Too funny. lol!
Ewww! Clingons! I will have to watch that commercial closer next time it’s on 😛
Check out these vintage print ads – it was strange way back when…
http://www.oddee.com/item_96739.aspx
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Wow, those are friggen creepy/awesome. Especially the one for Scotch hair set tape and the one of the baby being crushed under the overturned basin. I’m a little perplexed by that one.
No wonder so many people of that generation lost their teeth before they were 35 – all the bottle feeding of Hires Root Bear back in the 30s.
I think the baby one was a play on “don’t throw the baby out with the water” saying.
I LOVE this commercial to death!! I first saw it in a hotel, and laughed for a good half hour with tears streaming down. I’d get excited to see it again and again. I still do. So reading this bitch brought me back to tears again…thank you! (especially for the wording ‘stuck to its asshole’) Made my day. 🙂
marketing genius sure caught your attention… you even remember the brand, OP. Love it or hate it, you’ll never not notice Charmin featured in a store isle.
They should have used the Berenstain Bears – I always wanted to see Papa’s junk.
Mama9 – probably. The only thing that occurred to me was “Pears! our soap be so slippery your baby can squirm out of those tight places like butta!”
But your idea makes more sense 😛
No wonder there was such a high infant mortality rate back in those days.
I’m with the charmin lovahs. They make the BEST TP. It’s worth the extra $$$.
Kleenix’s cottonelle isn’t bad….they capitalized on “cashmere”‘s name change and they make a decent product.
Cashmere used to be the name of a cheap ass (lol) brand of TP…and then the “cottonelle” people changed their name to cashmere and bought the name and forever marred the brand in my mind.
My ass bud thanks me profusely in a teeny-tiny voice everytime I use Charmin. It’s like using a cotton bedsheet only smaller.
I love Charmin. Hate the commercials.
Man..the commercial I can’t stand was that stupid annoying one about “Head On”. It keeps saying “Head On, Apply Directly to the forehead”..over and over and over again. I have a fucking headache after that one.
As bad as the commercials are, they could be using humans instead of bears. Still, I find the bear commercials quite creepy.
the commercial actually came on the other night when a friend was over- she laughed and then looked at me and said, “uhm…is that REALLY a problem? Toilet paper stuck to people’s asses?” haha.
You’ll only stick t.t. on your ass if you’ve got a furry butt.
The only part of the commercial that kinda makes me think is when the bear is crapping behind that tree in such close proximity to other bears….like, if I was a bear, I’d probably go further into the woods to take a shit — away from the other bears…or maybe that’s just me.
Do bears bury their shit like cats? Hmm.
I think bears are big enough to be able to just leave their steaming piles there. What makes me laugh about so many commericals is that you think you’re watching an old SNL sketch and then you realize they’re fucking serious about what they’re hawking – case in point – that long handled arse wiper. I would love to see a real and serious version of ‘Colon Blow’.
quinpool sup store has i on sale for 7.99!
“Bernie and Phhi-i-IL’S…qualit-t-t-ty, comfo-o-o-rt and prICE!! That’s nice!”
I would dearly love to buy a big, powerful chainsaw and strap that insipid penis faced cocklicker who plays Hubert the cat in the whiskas adds to a bench and carve some of his adornments off. He has to be as annoying as the Nazi voiced fuck who does Lillydale.
Which ad genius thinks the punters want to see this crap?
Gawd, Basil, you need a Manuel to pound senseless.
TTFN perhaps if you gave me a share of your weed smoke I’d mellow out