Ya know there’s nothin’ I love more first thing in the morning when I get on the bus and I’m hit with that fragrant odor of un-wiped bum. It’s like that scene in Apocalypse Now… where buddy says I love the smell of fresh napalm in the morning… makes ya just wanna snort up big honkin’ nostrils full. For Chrissakes peeps… wipe yer damn asses. —Here piggy
This article appears in May 20-26, 2010.
I find women fucking reek… especially when they are wearing tights as pants with their pussy bulged out.
Smearing fecal matter across one’s (ahem) ‘self’ with a fistful of buttwad is only doing half the job. Think portable ‘bidet’. Think baby wipes to avoid skid marks and the inevitable stench of unwashed butt crack. A roll of arse-fluff (thanks TTFN for that reference) only does a half-assed job. (pun intended) Get crap on any other part of your body and you can’t get to the soap and water fast enough but it’s acceptable to just smear it around one’s crack?
well ain’t that what shit is made for, to be smelled and cherished like a fragrant rose. jesus man alive, some of that fucking crappy perfume is 10 times worse smelling than shit. or maybe you just lead a too protected life, behind blinders and closed doors.
but hello, that’s the best kind of bulge, for guys.
Bulging dingleberries may be great for catching flies. Potential dates? Not so much…hehehehehe!
today people either smell like ass or pseudo flowers 🙂
Thanks to copious amounts of hair, I recurrenly have a tough time wiping all the poo from my bum bum. Shitty toilet paper, so to speak, just doesn’t do the trick. There must be a better way to wipe!
Well, q, you have a couple options as I see it: either wax (you must like a little pain) or the baby wipes OL mentioned.
OP: I envision this (note: huge gross factor/WTF…consider yourselves warned) http://failblog.org/2010/01/14/proper-hygi….
WAX YOUR ASS FUR? Jesus Christ dude, who did you study aesthetics under? Josef Mengele? I’d be screaming “The Jews are in the attic” after the first strip was ripped off.
It’s baby wipes for my tender butt pipe.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. qrwerdwqenqw, i just ruined my friggin shirt by snorting coffee all over it. Unfortunately it was not hot enough to burn the mental images out of my eyes….
Jesus, Ivan, I just snorted a bagel up my left nostril because of you.
Reminds me of when Pia Zadora, a notoriously bad actress in the 70s, appeared in the Diary of Anne Frank on Off-Off Broadway, playing the lead role. She was so fucking bad, when the Nazis broke into the hiding place, someone in the audience yelled: ‘SHE’S IN THE ATTIC!’
thanks ivan, love that pic…can’t stand ya he says with his baked bean teeth
Who do you think I stole the line from.? >; ).
I tried to use it when I had my root canal, but the rubber dam fucked up my delivery. Now that fucking thing was invented by a Nazi.
Lt. Bookman and Bernard Black are the 2 major saints in the booksellers pantheon.
sounds like some people need a little more fibre in their diets.
Baby wipes as was said above. Once you start, there is no going back… Southern hygiene is key people.
Imagine how tough it must be to be only 3 feet tall.
Your nose is at the same height as most adults asshole.
Sounds like you’ve got a tough go there OP, to short to see the head of the line, & W.O.A.* right there in your face…your nightmares must be filled with people bending over in front of you ! ! !
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(* short for -Wide Open Ass )
i don’t think the colonel is short
except for me I smell like a happn’n dude w/ just the right mix of soft and tough like the Dos Equis guy 🙂
those ads are funny…and he’s a cute beardo
Completely ripping off Chuck Norris.
“Sharks have a week devoted to him” – I think not.
Chuck Norris doesn’t do push ups… he pushes the planet down.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity….twice.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris jokes are incredibly stupid and outdated. Plus dude never had shit on Bruce Lee so fuck Chuck Norris and Chuck Lidell too.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Your turn.
Chuck Norris won’t shoot you. He’ll insert the bullets manually; its more fun.
Whatever NGF, they make me laugh.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane by shouting “BANG!”
There is no theory of evolution, just animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
If Chuck Norris impregnates you ,you won’t need to get an abortion. The fetus will make a break for it in his own sweet time.
There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard.” Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after, all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Aliens do exist. They’re just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes fucking his waitress.
you guys are makin my evening…the bear says gohabsgo
Maybe they heard the joke that made Peter Griffin shit his pants.
Chuck Norris jokes are sooooo mid 2000s. For something really funny and original, check out this awesome video on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0
Loks like Mathew Luthor has changed his name to “Hello”.
I wonder why bidets are so uncommon here. Not only do they do a beautiful job cleaning, they’re far from uncomfortable 🙂
But yeah, if the stomach is funny, baby wipes do the job. And if you’re stomach is feeling fine yet you still find the need to have to wipe and wipe…..
IT MEANS YOU WEREN’T DONE POOPING! D”UHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
AND DON”T BUY CHEAP TOILET PAPER!!!!!!!!!
To clarify:
All you impatient slobs that complain of having to wipe and wipe and wipe……..sit back down and finish the damn job!!!!!!!!
knock knock, who’s there ; chuck norris ummm….. how many chuck norissi does it take ummm… chuck norris walks into a bar ummm….ah fuck i got nothin here 🙂
okay, chuck norris looked into a mirror one day, and his reflection shit itself, and ran away.
Au de Camel Toe?
omfg that just reminded me off a time getting into my buddies shagg’n wagg’n after it was in iuse the smell was like a frick’n monkey cage after a little tomfoolery YIKES 🙂
my boy donny smells a little bit rock and roll his sis marie smells a little bit country 🙂
you are sofa king weird martym…rawk
is that a good thing ? 🙂
If PainGirl ends a sentence with Rawk, that is a good thing. Sort of a pagan Bless You. Means a whole hell of a lot more than some old sexual predator in a funny hat mumbling on about how”…we beat the Jews at dominos”