I had a friend get pissed with me and break a friendship because I explained to her house rules are that people call before they come? Is it me or is ettiquette an art form now adays?!
This article appears in Feb 7-13, 2008.
Call before you come!
I had a friend get pissed with me and break a friendship because I explained to her house rules are that people call before they come? Is it me or is ettiquette an art form now adays?!
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Did you explain it in an email, such as the poster a few weeks back, or did you speak to her about it in person? It matters. I had friend who was very passive aggressive, in a brutal way. She’d deliver her requests in the wimpiest manner. It always came across as extremely cold, and managed to embarass everyone. It was infuriating. Then again, maybe your friend is the overly-sensitive type. If you’re honest and gentle in making your request though, your friend has no reason to be upset with you, it’s her problem.
I tried explaining both by phone and by email. thanks for your comment i appreciate that.
I think it’s rude to drop by someone’s house without calling first. And if they do call, you don’t have to answer the phone…so why should we have to let them in when they drop by unannounced? I would never do it and I don’t expect any of my friends to. Sad to say, but she isn’t much of a friend if she doesn’t understand etiquette and blows you off because of it. I’m with you sister!
this is fucking hilarious…so,before the phone,was the world full of rude dogs who came KNOCKING at your door.when the door knocks…answer…then say…haven’t got time,go away or come in friend…she is a friend,right??
billy you are talking about etiquette that was relevant before 1876 when: 10 March 1876—The first successful telephone transmission of clear speech when Bell spoke into his device, “Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you.” and Watson heard each word distinctly.I think it is safe to say that the phone changed that etiquette and now it is commonly expected that you call before showing up.
billy you’d probably enjoy walking in on me and hubby i would never have a threesome with you dude so go back to the one hand job you got… christopher thanks !! I appreciate that dude
Never said it was the OP that was scared about strangers knocking on the door…I know plenty of people (not just women) that are not comfortable answering the door to stranger (at any time of the day). Again…goes right back to the “Just because YOU are comfortable with people knocking on your door during the day does not mean every single person out there follows your example.”I would assume that “House Rules” implies roommates because the only time I have heard it phrased like that is when there are rules to respect that people you live with want others to know about. Oh and roommates could be other family members, a husband (which she has said she does live with) and generally means “people you live with”. If it were HER rules she would have said so.
Ok, fair enough.Anyway, this post is about someone breaking a friendship with the OP because she wants them to call before they come……..simply crazy if you ask me. Be respectful of your “friends” wishes. I’d say you are better off with out her “Ginger”.
Yep too true, no one needs a friend that puts them through the wringer simply because they were asked to observe a little consideration.
In the end a friend is still a friend and shouldnt be treated like a door to door salesman or Jehova’s Witness. Being your friend, they probably think that qualifies them as being welcome to make the occassional pop-in. I’d rather someone call first as well, but at the same time I remember occassions when I welcomed a good friend’s spontaneous visit. There’s a happy medium.
NMH, that can certainly be true in most cases but in the OP’s situation , it is not just her place, it is shared with others and they have asked that this policy be respected. It can be scary for women to be home alone and some strange dude is banging on the front door. Another reason could be the roommates are jerks and really freak out about the smallest things and it is just easier to avoid any confrontations by asking friends to just respect the crazy roommates wishes as it is easier than arguing. Any friend that continues to put you through the wringer for that is an idiot.
I’m not talking about ”some strange dude banging on your door” at 3am Christopher, as I think most people with anything between their ears realize this behavior is completely unreasonable, whether coming from a friend or not. However, I am not scared to have somebody politely knock at my door in the daytime, as it’s a part of life I’d say most of us women can handle. Although perhaps ‘some strange dude banging on the front door’ might alarm me at anytime of the day. If your roomates are going to put a total ban on any daytime knock on the door, that’s getting to be a bit unreasonable. What if it were a special circumstance?? Say your mother, or a long lost friend just returned to town, who didnt have your number?? These scenarios do exist. All I’m saying is there is a happy medium.
at least your crazy next door neighbor doesn’t walk in your house randomly. I like to play guitar hero naked. I dont like my neighbor walking in. And when I have the door locked.. he bangs on the window. Just to say hi, or let us know that its going to snow tomorrow.. or somethign insane like that.
I never once mentioned 3am so I have no idea where you would get that from my comments. And if the person doesn’t know who it is banging on the door…that’s a stranger to them, just because one roommate knows the person doesn’t mean everybody in the house has a clue who they are.Just because YOU are comfortable with people knocking on your door during the day does not mean every single person out there follows your example.I never disagreed with you in regards to “a happy medium” but the fact remains…there are people out there that are not reasonable and sometimes you get stuck living with them.
Christopher, you mentioned in your text that ”It can be scary for women to be home alone and some strange dude is banging on the front door” so I naturally assumed you were talking about the late evening, as I dont know many women who live alone that are scared of someone knocking on their door in the daytime. Also, your choice of words; ‘strange dude’ and ‘banging’ imply something a bit different to what it seems we’re talking about here.
The OP never mentioned anything about having roommates, just that “her house rules” are never to come without calling. I too think this is a bit ridiculous, if you don’t want company don’t answer the door! But to break a friendship over it?? Can you say Crazy???
Oh…and also, I’m pretty sure the OP isn’t scared of being home alone, hell she posted her picture for the whole world to see on this open forum! Including all these scary ranters…Just an observation
thanks guys and yes with me lives my hubby and my senior mom so the house rules apply to all of us but i do appreciate your comments!