To the unreasonable insomniac living downstairs, I hope you feel ridiculous as you bang on your ceiling with that broom. Do you know what I was doing just now? I was standing still and putting moisturizer on my face. Since you can’t seem to stop making complaints to the landlord about how loud I supposedly am, I went and had a read through the noise bylaw, and there’s nothing in it about skincare routines. I’m not clog dancing up here, I’m not playing the drums, I don’t even have people over very often. I hear you moving around down there all day every day too, I just don’t feel the need to go crying about it, even when you’re making you’re weird squeaky sex noises! Get a life, or better yet, a new apartment. —Perfectly quiet girl

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15 Comments

  1. Put your stereo speakers face down on the floor, turn down the volume (so it can’t be heard from the hallway) and turn up the bass.
    Go out for 8 hours, repeat as required.

  2. OP, go to the dollar store and pick up some earplugs and a broom handle. Put a ribbon on it and leave it outside the audio-sensitive insomniac’s door. Include a “Get well soon” card. 🙂

  3. Buy a basket ball…practice your dribbling ~:)
    Although Hugo’s post, worked for me years ago when I lived in an apartment building. Its funny when you hear how their cupboards opened & stuff fell out, pics falling off the wall,

    Or at least I found it funny, them not so much

  4. THEY ARE ALSO USED FOR SHOVING UP THE ASSES OF SHITHEADS WHO MAKE NOISE, AND DON’T KNOW WHEN TO FUCKING QUIET DOWN.

  5. LS we know you’re packing heat but take your dick off the shift button. That’s just showing off!

  6. GOOD IDEA ABOUT SPEAKERS, BUT INSTEAD OF MUSIC, WGHICH HE MIGHT LIKE. TAKE THE SELECTER, AND OFF TUNE A STATION, TIL YOU GET A LOW WHIRRING BUZZING SOUND. THEN PUT SPEAKERS ON FLOOR FACE DOWN, ADJUST VOLUMN LEVAL, SO AS NOT TO BE HEARD FROM OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR, AND JUST DO WHATEVER YOU DO DURING THE DAY.
    I HAD AN ASSHOLE DOWN UNDER ME, 3 YEARS AGO, PLAYED FUCKING RAP ALL DAY AND NIGHT, WITH NO ONE THERE. AND I STARTED THAT SHIT WITH MY STEREO, WASN’T TOO LONG BEFORE IT COMPLAINED, BUT OWNER CAME, HEARD NOTHING, EVEN WHEN STANDING LESS THAN 3 FEET AWAY. HE WENT DOWNSTAIRS, HEARD IT AGAIN, CAME BACK UP, STILL SAME AS BEFORE. WENT DOWN AND TOLD HER, THAT IT MUST BE IN WIRING, SHE MOVED 2 WEEKS LATER,PEACE AND QUIET, AFTER THAT.

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