If I win the lottery, I will be standing in the women’s washroom at the university handing out twenty dollar bills to women who are able to use the toilets without urinating all over the seats AND can flush when they are finished. I empathize with the lives of busy university students: I understand that you must have a lot on your minds, especially if you are forgetting basic toileting routines. I imagine a small bribe will be the encouragement you need to ensure your bodily waste makes its way to a waste treatment plant. Until the day I am a multigabillionaire and can fund this venture, I will continue flushing your blood-soaked one-ply down the toilet, choking back vomit because I’ve glimpsed the fruits of your digestive system, and working my quads because I am too paranoid to sit on a toilet seat. —Benevolent Sarcasm
This article appears in Jan 19-25, 2012.
VERY nicely written. And – gag. Women? Urinating on the seats? How does that happen?
euhh.. these bitches have taken a turn for the nasty as of late. Don’t know how many more period blood references I can handle
Rather than go through the effort of making the picture…..I’ll just describe it.
The picture of tommy with red all over his face. Right above the link I would have put “Don’t lie Tommy….You LOVE period blood”
It would have been liked 1-4 times with 1-4 dislikes.
Yeah, I’m really glad you didn’t make that picture, zilla.
Hey, look at it this way. At least universities are accepting the more rustic classes of people now.. I guess THAT’S a good thing..
Back in high school, the ski team had to do these exercises called ‘the invisible chair’ to strengthen our leg muscles. We used to call it the invisible toilet. (you can picture the pose, right?) I think of that exercise every time I see the seat is all a-sprinkly with pee drops. Otherwise, I just plop myself down. Futzing around lining the seat with tp is a good way to spread more bacteria on your hands, imo. and boys, it’s all a-sprinkly b/c it comes out of girls, well, ballistically is perhaps the best descriptor. We can’t help it, but ‘if you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat” is the golden rule for public washroom use for females. Well, that and don’t comb your hair over the sink.
I still haven’t broken in my ‘freshette, the feminine urinary director for women of all ages’ I got in my xmas stocking. I still giggle at the instructions “do not face into the wind”
o.p., it will take more than money to train some of these twats. maybe a good smack in their brain dead fucking heads, would help?
So much hostility LS. Get this guy a burrito.
It’s not just university students… there used to be an organization primarily attended by older people across the hall from my office and we had to share the bathroom with them… good lawd I don’t understand how some of that shit happened. Literally. What’s with old people and smearing feces on bathroom walls? Are they so excited they had a bowel movement they can’t contain themselves? Sometimes they would even get changed right in the open, not in any of the stalls! So I’d walk in and they’d look at my like “WTF ARE YOU DOING IN HERE” while I run out as fast as I can. And they wouldn’t always lock the stall doors either so you’d sometimes accidentally barge in on them doing some terrible things.
And I thought the Red Wings were just a hockey team…
“What’s with old people and smearing feces on bathroom walls? Are they so excited they had a bowel movement they can’t contain themselves? “
Aah that just made my day
This all seems so trivial with Etta James gone.
I’m pretty sure a doorknob contains more “germs” than a toilet seat. I could be wrong about that, though.
your cellphone contains more germs than a seat too… but you love smearing that all over your face.
go figure, perception is everything, despite being completely contradictory at times.
and I’ve heard that too… one flamboyant lady covering her hotel walls with shit while on vacation…. this seems to be a pandemic of aged shat smearing wonder.
I’ve seen some public bogs that could give “The Filthiest Toilet in Scotland” a run for it’s money. But no way should the contents ever resemble low tide at Omaha Beach.
That’s just flippin’ nasty.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1uunRdQ61M
RIP
“I still haven’t broken in my ‘freshette, the feminine urinary director for women of all ages’ I got in my xmas stocking. I still giggle at the instructions “do not face into the wind””
Sound advice no matter what the circumstances, Xeenie. Was your Secret Santa a Japanese businessman by any chance?
Women’s Washrooms are more of a biological health hazard then Men’s washrooms. I remember hearing at Dal that girls would complain about one of the 3rd floor washrooms in Sherriff Hall …. some chick kept sticking her used tampons to the ceiling! GROSS.
Secret Santa, pish tosh! I think you mean our non-denominational, gender-free holiday gift exchange?
Anyway, no. Aesop put it in my stocking.
*pish tosh* i wuv you
Are you sure some men are not using the women’s facilities OP? Pee on the toilet seat? How do women do that? I thought the one advantage women had in sitting is no splashing.
Anyway, just wipe it off and sit. Cellphones, keyboards and remotes have more germs than toilets if it makes you feel any better OP. I know it doesn’t for me.
I’ll pull an I_K and post again immediately.
What’s this about old people and shit on the walls? I know if one gets a good air to soft stool ratio in the large intestine, it can come out in a blast. In those cases, unless it blows him off the seat, the fecal matter should remain in the toilet bowl. Maybe a smattering on the underside of the toilet seat. A good citizen would clean that up though.
You forgot to mention how you’re attractive and can get your way with anything, troo!
Oh I hope you win the lottery! The Dal library bathrooms are among some of the worst. I’d like to lobby for an extra section on university applications with a legal binding agreement for hygienic bathroom practices. After all if you’re smart enough for higher education then ‘wipe the seat when you’re done’ or at bare minimum ‘flush the damn toilet’ should be a no brainer
I can definitely confirm the fact that a lot of chicks pee on the seat, and a lot of chicks don’t flush, even when there is bloody TP in there.
I’ve been in many many homes in my career and found women to be much piggier than men (colleges kids, both sexes are pigs).