You seem like an awesome guy, so stop being so hard on yourself and get some confidence. You CAN talk to girls, and I’m sure they’d think you were a great conversationalist… just be confident!! —A Fellow Bitcher

This article appears in May 5-11, 2011.

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90 Comments

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  2. lol You sure you didn’t write this? There are few people who know me by that alias on here and you’re one of them. 😛

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  6. He sounds like Brian Blessed ordering his Hawkmen to attack. For trues.
    http://www.johnteehan.com/wp-content/uploa…

    You may think your shyness is an obstacle Brendon; but you’ve reached out to meet a silly bastard at a bookstore and made that human connection at 3 summits, which is pretty damned ballsy for a shy fella.
    You’ll know when the moment is ripe and you’ll make your move. And there will be much rejoicing and the Bitchers will feast upon the lambs and the sloths and the carp and the fruit bats….

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  8. Brendon you’re true alias is one of the worst kept secrets on this board their sweetie. And you are awesome! You helped me make my little guys B-day with your advice and your always nice and quick witted. The other night I went to Gerry Dee and the comedian who opened up for him reminded me of you so bad!! I’ve never met you – but he was exactly how I picture you!

    Also don’t you where a fedora sometimes? You got have some balls to pull that off kid.

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  9. Damn, you guys have quite the spreads. I gotta get me to a summit and soon.

    BTW PK, you totally wrote this.

    And Mr. Sad Panda dude, I’m a shy, somewhat low confidence guy myself in person, but I somehow managed to convince not one, but two girls to marry me. Not simultaneously. If I can do it, you can too.

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  11. PK wrote it… sadly only the bird knows the word…

    I’m surprised to be back… I thought for sure I’d plummet to my death, be offed by a machete for my shoes, or attempted to be harvested for my organs…

    I say attempted because any doctor worth his salt would have said ‘fuck that’, just re-stitched me up, and looked for someone with organs that’ll last more than 3 yrs.

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  12. SERIOUSLY wasn’t me! I promise I didn’t write this! lol. FO’ REALZ.

    I’d take full credit if I did because I agree with everything it says!

    I’m sure you meet pleny of ladies with some of the same interests as you in your travels. Next time you see one who catches your eye just go up to her and say hi. Once you do it that first time it’s never as scary and keeps getting easier and easier. 🙂

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  13. Oh good grief, Bird just tell them I didn’t write it, already! LOL.

    CHECK THE DAMN IP AND GET THESE BITCHEZ OFF MY BACK! AHAHA.

    Though… to everyone’s credit, when I read it I did have a moment of “did I write this and forget?”… ROFLZ.

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  15. Yo, Brendan-
    I have actually reason to be shy and quiet in front of the girls. If I can talk to women without losing my shit, you can too!
    Women react to who you are. Be the smart and funny dude you are on here, IRL, and they will love you.
    They love smart and funny and charming.
    You are these things. Show them, and you will have no problems.

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  16. Well if PK didn’t write this one, I’d say we have a mystery on our hands. To the Mystery Machine, someone’s getting their mask ripped off today!

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  17. I would also like to add that I have never had an underscore in my name. 😛

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  18. do you have 4 figures in your bank account at all times? that always seems to help.

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  20. So, essentially the key to getting bitchez is $$$?

    Must’ve missed THAT memo.

    Also, wheelie: you’re the quintessential ladiez man. Men of the world could learn a thing or two from ya 😉

    You know who *I* think wrote this??? Miss Purple Fire! We know how she likes the b195-er and she’s not shy about writing loves and she knows about the original screen name!

    Admit if PF, it was you, wasn’t it? 😉

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  24. This is the second Love miss Fire has written for Brendon – I don’t know why you all thought PK…we all know she crushes on the Z man and bus drivers! lol

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  25. It’s true, RC. *lesigh*

    I THINK, B195 and PF should get together for some coffee, at least! Our very first bitch-board looooove match! heehee

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  26. “So, essentially the key to getting bitchez is $$$?”

    yes… why did you put a question mark on that?
    doi…

    it’s not the only key… just the skeleton key.

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  28. Well. Not living in your mom’s basement does help. I mean if you’re so broke that you gotta do THAT, I suppose it would be hard getting yourself a right good bitch and/or hoe.

    Heehee, so you’re not into being a cougar, PF?

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  29. Please don’t call yourself old Miss Fire – I have a few years on you I think.
    Also Z $$$ is not the way to a womans heart at all…..never mind – I re-read and you said bitches…tru dat!!

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  30. PF, the same could be said about public speaking…
    yet SO MANY PEOPLE are terrified of it.
    it’s not really that hard… but people seem to be wayyyy too self-conscious or nervous that one mistake will send the crowd in a humiliating uproar or something.

    it’s easy to ‘say’… another thing to ‘do’.

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  33. Brendon: “hey babe… wanna got for Italian? I have a hankering for pasta and it’s only a 6 hour flight.”

    deal is sealed.

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  34. Actually. Zed makes a good point in all seriousness.

    It’s human nature to reproduce and humans are always looking for the perfect “mate” (according to science and all that evolutionary stuff). The perfect mate is seen as someone who can provide enough food and necessities of life for offspring to survive. In current society, necessities of life (needs) are bought with money. Things beyond the necessities of life (wants) are also bought with money, so those with more of it are seen as most able to provide for their offspring. Since it’s the man who’s traditionally seen as the “provider” having more money would make them more attractive to the potential mate (i.e. womenz).

    So, really, he’s got a point there if you break it down, yo’.

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  35. Also, on the public speaking point… while I have no issue public speaking (I thrive on it — and hay, I even had my skirt fall off during a presentation once and I recovered just fine so I figure what’s the big deal? lol), I know people who are petrified. I don’t understand it, but i can appreciate it.

    So saying and doing ARE two different things.

    Even if we all do know you’ve got it in ya, buddy!

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  36. wow… agreement on two points!
    who are you and what have you don’t with PK???

    satan is selling milkshakes out by the mumford terminal…

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  38. It’s probably because you weren’t around to pick on me over the past week thus giving me an actual reason to get out of bed in the morning and that usually helps with one’s overall psychological wellbeing.

    Don’t worry, the resentment and disagreeableness’ll return in good time.

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  44. To get back on topic for a second, I think my problem is that I’m afraid I’m being unintentionally creepy. For example, today at lunch I kept exchanging quick glances with a beautiful blonde girl (and even got a bit of a peek at her cleavage :P) and we kind of glanced at each other again when she left, but I don’t really know if it was because I came off as creepy or because she thought I was cute or whatever or if it was something else entirely. *le sigh* Why do things have to be so complicated?

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  45. “I kept exchanging quick glances…”
    without saying anything.. yes, I would say that’s creepy.
    If you liked what you saw, you should speak up.
    She won’t know otherwise.

    what’s the worst that could happen (*generally speaking…)
    we’re not in our little microcosmic bubble of high school or the teen years.

    you don’t even know her.. rejection really shouldn’t hurt all that bad at this point.
    you never know, she may be a ditz-tard and you’d be the one trying to get away.

    I completely never take my own advise, but I do stand by it… at times.

    *obviously she could just be preparing for self-immolation or something… but generally, you’re not going to get more than a brush off….

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  46. think of it this way….
    just staring and not saying anything… likely tells her you like how she looks… and that’s about it. You don’t WANT to talk to her or else you would.
    Talking sends the ‘i’d like to know more’ vibe… where she can act accordingly.

    and if you are the creepy guy and she rejects you, there’s always stalking/kidnapping.
    You HAVE options. 😉

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  47. then again, I don’t have tits so I don’t get many looks…
    may want to await confirmation before putting the ‘common’ plan into action.

    the plan B… that’s all yours.

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  48. You know what the hardest part is, though? It’s coming up with an “in” — like, figuring out what to initially say. Once you’ve got that down, you’re pretty much set…. it’s just figuring out how to approach, especially if it’s a stranger, and especially these days in the age of blackberries, iphones and ipods.

    I think, b195, once you figure out how to form a good approach, you’ll be fine. 🙂

    And if you DO come up with one — for the love of GOD share it with me 😛

    Also: it’s funny how, when we don’t “like” someone we know, it’s so easy to communicate with them and we never really worry about how we come off or if we’re creeping them out…. but the second we DO start liking someone we’re on freaking edge about communicating with them…. Apparently, being in “love” or “lust” makes your brain function much the same as someone with OCD. Interesting, eh?

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  49. you might not have boobies zedman, but i think you’re very dishy. aah to be young and single^^

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  50. I’d agree with ya, bread lady, but he’d probably yell at me 🙁

    Aw fuck it, you’re right, he’s a dreamboat. heehee.

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  51. i like the quiet ones, the bear is unless he drinks scotch^^then again, i have two emotion chips to his one

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  52. =====but I don’t really know if it was because I came off as creepy or because she thought I was cute or whatever or if it was something else entirely. *le sigh* Why do things have to be so complicated?=====

    One thing- don’t let the voice in your head that might say “she doesn’t want to talk to me” have any power. Women like quiet confidence, B. Be the guy you know you are, and if your eyes meet, don’t look away like you were caught being creepy. Give a nice warm smile. If she goes to leave, and walks by you, look up as she goes by and if she looks at you, smile and say “have a great day”. She’ll remember you next time.

    I’m missing a leg for corn’s sake. I developed an outgoing personality to make people at ease when they saw me and were concerned about what might have happened to me. When they realize I’m smart and cool, the chair disappears.
    Every time I’m in line at Pete’s I talk to a pretty girl. I’m not talking stereotypical “hot girls”(though I talk to them too). They generally don’t interest me. I mean normal girls who look pretty and have their own quiet confidence. I’m in line for a sammich and I say something. If she blows me off, I stop, but the vast majority of the time I get a smile and some nice small talk. I’m not going home with them, but I’m getting experience talking to girls I’m attracted to, and I get to show them a dude in a chair sans leg can be charming and flirt his ass off too.
    Girls. Like. Confidence.
    I know everyone has advice, and they make it sound easy, but when you’re comfortable with you, others notice it.

    Not like I’m some giant stud, but I enjoy dating, after my marriage failed. And I love girls.
    Good luck, dude.

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  53. If approaching a cute girl (or guy) isn’t your thing, then find a niche public event (Halifax Zombie Walk is highly recommended) that matches your interest. Then find a cute “zombie” and tell her how much you love her outfit. Or go to gatherings like NES night at the Last Gamestore for example and that should make breaking the ice easier. Of course, if zombies, or NES games, or zombies in NES games aren’t your thing, substitute that which is your thing.

    This applies to the Panda and the Kitty, and the lurkers who read this and never post and are nervous about the opposite sex.

    Mmmmm…speaking of zombies in NES games, off topic, but I love this guy’s work. http://youtu.be/Gl9ikroWXSs

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  56. Brendon- it’s the same for all of us. I am generally pretty comfortable with breaking the ice and chatting up the finer sex… but get me next to someone I actually feel an attraction to and *KERFLUNK*…. my words fall to the floor and I usually end up not saying anything. There’s this chick I thought I could make a connection with not too long ago. I saw her fairly often and one night I sparked up a conversation with her. It went alright, but for some reason every time I have seen her since, I can’t say a fucking charming word for all I am worth!! Haha….. we were making eye contact on a regular basis after the initial conversation but the more it happened without further interaction, the more I wondered how creepy she must think I am for continuously looking at her. Hahaha….

    Confidence is but a game and all the practice in the world won’t make a difference when it comes to the “right” girl. 😛 But hey, it’s always worth trying… who knows- maybe stumbling over our words will earn us some pity points 😉

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  57. just don’t say, “there’s a situation in my pants….”
    and you should be fine.

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  58. I wonder why that is — why so many people have such a hard time talking to someone they are attracted to but have no issues with people they’re not. That’s happened to me before — I was actually comfortable being and interacting with this one particular guy, and then I realized like a year later I was into him and it became awkward. I’ve always wondered why that is. And actually, there’s this one guy I was head over heels for last spring/summer and I was constantly worried about interacting with him. Since then I’ve gotten over it and it’s as comfortable as can be with him. I even told him last week I had SUCH a crush on him last spring/summer and he was all “WHAT? OMG! really?” and it wasn’t awkward at ALL to admit that to him.

    Maybe someday it’ll just ‘click’ and you aren’t afraid anymore? Like, if you do it once it’s like “OOOH that’s not so bad.”

    That’s how it is with me — I do something I’m scared shitless of once and after that I’m fine. It’s been like that with everything. When I had to start testing my blood sugar I was petrified of the lancet device until i did it once and I was like “uh.. that’s it?” and had no problems since. Same with my very first insulin injection — the nurse practically had to hold my hand and make me stick the needle in my leg. After I did it once I was like “uhhh what’s the big deal?” and the same thing happened with the opposite sex — first time I talked to a guy in a club I was scared shitless, then afterwards I was like “why was I so scared of THAT?” and now I have no problem just going up to someone I think’s cute and just saying hi when I’m in that environment. I just recently cleaned out all my cell contacts and I had about 15 in there that came from guys I met in clubs who I don’t even remember, lol (and obviously never bothered texting). And the same thing happened the first time I actually shared my feelings for a guy with him. Now I honestly don’t give a shit. Either he’s interested or not and if he isn’t, well that’s just how life goes. Sometimes it’s bothers me and makes me incredibly sad if I’m a little on the depressive side (which can come and go and I have depressive episodes once every few years), but generally I just suck it up and move on.

    So, I kind of disagree with your sweeping generalization, ‘horatio’ — some people just need to break that ice with certain things and then they’re ok with it. Not everyone’s a hot mess when it comes to interacting with someone they’re into (at least not every time).

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  59. OH, and just to add onto zed’s comment: don’t ask a lady during a bachelorette party for your best friend to come back to your hotel with said best friend because you *in eastern european accent* “want to have threesome” and then ask over and over if “you have condom?” when the lady says “no thanks” cause that’s just a lil’ creepy.

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  62. PK- “all of us” = MEN.

    And even if not, it IS a legitimate generalization and anyone who denies it is talking out of the wrong hole.

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  63. I dunno, maybe. Depends on the situation and frame of mind, perhaps. For instance, I’ve talked to that boy on the bus once and can’t seem to do it again, though I honestly think it’s because he’s a STRANGER and i just don’t know how to break the ice again and staring creepily is more your thing than mine.

    Do you honestly believe though, that men and women are SO different when it comes to that stuff? Men always think it’s harder for them because women could stand in the middle of the road and yell “i need to get laid” and get 10 offers and a man could do it and they’d get carted off to jail or something, or so I heard on the radio. I really don’t think men and women are different when it comes to having feelings for someone or being attracted to them. Women and men have it no better or worse than each other.

    And I’m not kidding when I say I’d have no problem telling someone I have feelings for them these days (I mean if they’re not a stranger). Maybe it’s because I’m in a much better frame of mine these days than my previous “woah is me” winter episode, who knows, but I have a serious crush right now on someone I know, and I swear I’d have no problems admitting it if his significant other didn’t exist! 😛 HAH.

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  64. “And I’m not kidding when I say I’d have no problem telling someone I have feelings for them these days (I mean if they’re not a stranger). “

    how deep can feelings for a stranger really be anyways?

    I’d go with a light insult… something to get him talking, perhaps just to defend himself.
    ‘course, negativity is always my strategy…. so that shouldn’t come as a surprise.

    “hey, oh, I wouldn’t crinkle the pages in my book like that…. whatcha reading?”
    or
    “Hey, I need a new phone but I hate the kind with the . How do you put up with it???”
    (mine would be touchscreen keyboard… I hate those bloody things)

    might as well give it a try.

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  65. I don’t think it’s deep feelings it’s a physical attraction, plain and simple. I just see him in the morning and my tummy gets all fluttery, y’know? Then again, I used to travel on his bus back in 2008/2009-ish going home on Fridays and he caught my eye back then. Not enough to do anything about it, though, but now that I travel with him every day it’s like “omgswoon.* LOL. And all I really DO know about him is the street he lives on and the fact that he works at Scotia Square (and what he usually gets for breakfast BUT ONLY because he goes to the same place I do. not like Im’ some crazy stalker 😛 If i was I’d probably know where exactly he works :P).

    However, I also have a thing for this other guy, who’s attached so unavailable and he’s SO not my type physically, but intellectually I get the same “omgswoon” feeling… so I know that’s more than just a silly little crush because I actually know the guy and it’s on a much less superficial basis.

    I’d definitely say something to him if he was available — I’d have no problem whatsoever. I’m in a pretty good frame of mind these days, so I figure “why not?”.

    PS: thanks for the advice, zed 😉

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  66. that advise is for Brendon too there PK… and anyone else who wants to add a little pessimistic chatter to their day.

    Don’t go bogarting the advice now…

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  68. I know you’re all big tough brooding angst guy, but my GOD when someone thanks you and is actually being sincere the least you could do is SAY THANK YOU.

    Freak sakes!

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  69. ERR YOU’RE WELCOME.

    don’t get on my ass about that typo, either. I’m tired as fuck and going to bed.

    ALso: get those damn kids of my damn lawn!

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  73. There’s ruining someone’s day to the fullest and then there’s going too far.

    Also: go fuck yourself.

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  82. heehee, that’s the exact same position oscar was laying in when I left today!

    Silly kitties!

    Also: feel lots better soon, Donk! Do you have that cold that’s been going around? I had it the week before last when I got it from a co worker and it was miserable. Then I gave it to my mother for mother’s day! haha. Now my dad has it 🙁 booo! Get lots of rest, mmmkay?

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  83. I went to get water and felt like I was drunk … : but I watch Saved By The Bell now. Zack Morris, yummmmmy + NyQuil to knock me out. Should be a good day!

    Merci.

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  84. Saved By The Bell? Really? I’m not one to talk though, I spent my day off yesterday playing Castlevania II. I need to write a love someday about Wii’s Virtual Console, it’s an old school gamer’s heaven.

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  87. Donk – Stuffed up on one side, with a bad taste in the back of you throat? Earache?

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  89. Inner ear infection perhaps. Seeing a Doctor soon? Antibiotics?

    Guarisci presto cara.

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