To the bouncers at Peddlars Pub on Saturday night who went above and beyond the call of duty! I ended up being incredibly sick, but instead of piling insult upon injury or just kicking me out into the street as they would have been justified in doing, they let me use the staff bathroom and even helped me make a phone call to get picked up. Despite being incredibly drunk, I still remember how gorgous your eyes were Adam…
—Grateful Sickie
This article appears in Mar 19-25, 2009.
Of course he let you use the staff bathroom, you have a vagina.