I am sitting in a coffee shop with my coworkers and a drop dead gorgeous, classy, take home to your mom type girl walks in. I could not take my eyes off of her face… just stunning.
She didn’t see me looking at her until she was finishing up fixing up her coffee and then she saw me so I looked away quickly. I look up again and she is looking at me and gives one of those innocent little shy smiles and then looks back down at her coffee.
Now this would all be fantastic except I am married with kids. My bitch here is really at myself… why do I do this to myself!? I purposely make eye contact with her knowing that eye contact is as far as I would be willing to take it and then I have her in my head all day!
Please don’t bother posting a response if:
1) You’re married and you’re going to pretend that you never flirt.
2) You’re going to call me a stalker or a creep for looking at a girl in a coffee shop
PS – I don’t usually post here because of the losers that just read the bitches and then spend there morning coming up with some witty smart-ass remark to try and impress other reader… however The Coast Bitch section was the first thing that popped in my head when I was bitching to myself at my desk. —BitcherandBitchee
This article appears in Sep 16-22, 2010.
Ah, c’est la vie. And you probably made her day with just a bit of human contact that made her feel noticed. You don’t take it further, so what difference does it make? Being married doesn’t mean you live in a bubble. Relax and enjoy your coffee.
Looking’s free Brother. I have sinned in my mind times beyond counting, but in my heart – not once. No stones being thrown from this direction.
ahem… calling us all losers aside… for now…
recognizing beauty around you is good….
it brightens your day, if even for a moment.
nothing wrong with that. Dwelling on it all day…. ALL day….
ALL DAY?
I also noticed you didn’t put that you were ‘happily’ married…
any reason for that? just a convenient omission?
See, I know I’m a loser…
sad part is, you are too and you don’t even know it.
We’re the losers? Too fucking funny, you lusty and lassoed lad.
You can look…but don’t touch. And don’t ever check out a girl in front of your wife. That’s so disrespectful! I see it all the time and think…thank God he doesn’t belong to me.
Lol girls look just as much as you guys do. Sometimes we touch too. Ha, go talk to your Mrs.
surely you do not!
Or perhaps you ladies must be better at being coy/discreet…
or maybe I’m just hideous… yeah, that’s why you’re always averting your eyes.
it all makes sense now!
quick, where’s the nearest plastic surgeon and government job/charity which I can siphon money out of for years without being detected?
I’m bondable….. for the moment.
Nothing wrong with looking so long as you don’t touch.
it’s funny how innocent talk’n shit makes you a loser, but inappropriate flirting (you know you stepped over the line pal) is ok whatever dude
Checking out women with your wife or GF is totally disrespectful. Glad Real Chick brought it to the attention, I grew up in a family where women are disrespected a lot. Guess that’s why I am such a feminist. Be happy with who you have but looking isn’t a crime. So long as no one gets hurt!
Why WOULDN’T you look and “hope” for some kind of contact, whether it be simply visual or in the form of a smile? You’re married NOT castrated. And besides, I think it’s more important to keep up this sort of activity when you ARE married. Sure, you have a wife and kids who you are madly in love with, but there is still that outside validation we all crave every now and then. The, “yeah, I still got it, and I COULD have it….” bug. Don’t beat yourself up for playing this little game….. do you mean to tell me that your better half is NOT out there periodically making eye contact with other men?
I have, on many an occasion, seen a very attractive female- whether it be walking down the street, sitting having my lunch; even on the bus during my daily commute. That little glance and possible smile ends up keeping them in my head for the rest of the day- and sometimes into the evening. It’s part of what makes life worth living, and allows us to appreciate true beauty…….
Kudo’s to you for making a girl smile. Your married but your still human bud. Good job on only looking! 🙂
Fantasy is free, child support isn’t.
The gal was probably just being courteous and OP assumes she digs him. I find that more amusing than him referring to people as losers. OP definitely gotta be Desi too.
flog the shit out of yourself o.p., that way you will purge all those evil thoughts of taking this chick, and fucking her brains out, like i would.
oh, and was that a smart enough reply o.p.
Flirting is different than feeling so shitty about “wanting someone” so badly that you have to post on The Coast to make yourself feel like less of a creep.
Why do you do this to yourself you ask?
Isn’t it obvious? It feeds your male ego. It helps you to feel you’ve still “got it”. Who knows? If your ego eventually needs more direct stroking you may one day stray from the embraces of the woman you chose to marry.
She was being coy with all the eye fluttering etc. and was just happy she had a big bull dyke to go home to. As for you, do you buy Harlequin romances as you seem such a fucking knob?
PS – I don’t usually post here because of the losers that just read the bitches and then spend there morning coming up with some witty smart-ass remark to try and impress other reader… however The Coast Bitch section was the first thing that popped in my head when I was bitching to myself at my desk.
Fuck you bud, you’re the one flirting in a fuckin’ Timmie’s when you got a wife and kids FUCKK YOUUU
I’m guilty of looking occasionally, we all are. It’s called being human. Don’t feel guilty about it unless you somehow end up in bed with her while still with said wife and it’s not a threesome.
OP better not be a Billy Idol fan.
Doesnt matter what works up your appetite, long as you go home for dinner. And we all know it ain’t the spouse you see when you’re humping away 😛
Marriage/commonlaw is an unnatural though not wholey unattractive state of being for a human being. On the one hand, you’ve got the comfort and security of a loving companion/confidante with whom you can grow and experience things, and the efficiency of shared resources.
On the other hand, you’re not supposed to stray and fuck other people. People, though men particularly (and actually women if they’d just buck up and admit it), were not meant to be with just one person, sexually. Just my opinion. I see no reason why we can’t have our cake and eat it too, as long as we’re honest with one another. We have such a outdated and puritanical approach to sex in our culture. So much guilt has been attached to this, one of our most primal functions, that we’re frightened of what our medula oblongala tells (nay SCREAMS at us) to do.
I’d be interested to hear what other people think.
We’ve all been in (or all will be at some point) this situation. When someone walks by or gets on the bus and there’s just something about them that’s out of the ordinary and you can’t help but give them a smile. It’s not the end of the world, hell it could make the other person’s day. Now if you continually went back to the same place in order to try and catch the girl, that’s stalking (why do they always do that in movies? creepy….).
would a Medulla Oblongata-ectomy kill me?
it seems kind of important….
well zZz, you’d lose the will to fight, fuck, eat and shit, and also you’d stop breathing involuntarily.
thanks for the spelling correction btw, I’m fresh off night shift and a little doughy in the head…
Wow Booer….good topic to throw out there. They say that monogamy isn’t natural…that no species really mates for life the way humans do…that it’s unnatural (no idea who “they” are …but anyways). I wonder this question all the time. I would not feel comfortable in an open relationship ever….I have a bit of jealousy issues that I’m working on…but I could never share the person I love…physically or mentally. But maybe that’s because I think of it as lying and cheating…if 2 people loved each other enough and trusted each other so much that you would always know that the other person is being open and honest..then this could work. Not for me….but I can see it working for the right people.
“Socially monogamous species are scattered throughout the animal kingdom: A few insects, a few fish, a large number of birds, and a few mammals are socially monogamous.”
so says the infallible god of wiki
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monogamy#Mati…
lose the will to fight…. check. I can do without that…
lose the will to fuck… at this point I don’t see that as a bad thing…
lose the will to eat… ok, hold on.. this may be the deal breaker.
I could still eat right? I just need reminders all the time to force myself to do it.
Kind of like Memento…
and lose the will to shit… I don’t usually have a will to, it just sort of happens.
would I lose the will to not want to walk around with a pile in my shorts?
cause I don’t think I could function in society if I didn’t care whether I’m fecal laden or not
reminding myself to breathe would be a pain too… but one that could be controlled.
what about the effects on blood pressure and heart rate?
If I had to remind myself to breathe AND remind my heart to beat, I think I’ll pass.
That sounds worse than the war torn buddy in the music video ‘One’
Landmine! Has taken my sight, taken my speech, taken my speech, taken my hearing. Taken my arms, taken my legs, taken my soul, left me with life in Hell.
P.S. sorry for all the song lyric posts. They just kind of pop into my head like that.
No apologies necessary Brendon. Most of us enjoy all the meats in our Bitcher’s jambalaya. And hi-jacking is definitely a misdemeanor, not a felony in these here parts, if you take my meaning. >; )
misdemeanor?
it’s expected at this point.
I mean, what would be the fun of a post if it wasn’t completely hijacked at least twice?? Certainly adds to the entertainment value. I think the more hijacked, the better the honours and medals awarded at the next Bitchers Summit.
So how about them Blue Jays?
my cat behaves like a dog and my dog behaves like a cat^^
I have the cuddliest cat in the world… but he likes to play fetch and comes when I call him. He’s a mixed breed perhaps?
Hey OP, you can look at the menu, but ya jus can’t buy anything…
Unless you’re goin splits on dinner 😉
and no, you can’t just have dessert.
Mmm…. dessert. Ha ha. Still no touchy. I think that it’s nice to notice beautiful people around you, and it feels nice when you are noticed. If you’re mourning the loss of your ability to pick and choose off the menu, perhaps you are in the wrong state of affairs… and need to rethink your relationship status.
My cat is named Fat shit cat. He’s fat if you didn’t figure that out. He likes to sleep on his back with his paws in the air. He attacks dogs and raccoons. I’m allergic to him if I touch him my eyes turn blood red. People get mad that I don’t love him, because I don’t cuddle him…but I can’t. And the truth is I don’t want to…I’m not a cat person..but this poor cat keeps getting left behind…he was my brothers GF cat…they broke up and she left the cat with him. He moved out of my dad’s house and left him there…my dad moved and left him in a vacant house pretty much…told my brother it was his issue and my bro didn’t care. So of course I had to save him….but I really am a dog person.
Good on you for looking after him. Having a home is better than nothing, even if he can’t get some lovin’s from you. My cat is a huge sook and wants to be held all the time, I’m lucky I’m not allergic.
You’re a horrible husband. I hope your wife leaves you.
My cat thinks I’m her real mother. She even tries to find a place to feed off of me when I’m laying in bed on my side. It’s cute that she loves me that much, but kind of creepy at the same time.
She’s cute though, so I let it slide. And her real mommy died when she was only 2 weeks old and I adopted her and her brother a couple days later, so it’s not surprising she has some mommy issues.
Her brother’s too dumb to figure out his mom died, so he’s not much of a sook, though he DOES like his uncle NGF.
If you constantly want to do the horizontal mambo with other people then you’re not with the right person.
Re: Booer’s post, I have a thing or two to say about it but I gotta get to work, so maybe later, if I remembered. Have a nice day everyone.
Someonce once told me (these may not be his exact words) “Being married means I can look at the menu, but I still have to come home for dinner.”
as my dear old pa would say when a sweet young thing goes by “och, i’ve got better t’home”
My papa said when he was recently on a beach in Florida looking at the girls “geez, the only thing I can think of when I see them is taking them home and feeding them”. Now don’t get dirty, folks, he’s a right good baptist, he is.
*insert random sebastian comment here*
avoid the skinny chicks, they obviously don’t even know how to make a sandwich
zZz…My weight has fluctuated from a size 2 to a size 14…and I’ve always been able to make a kick ass sandwich!
OP, don’t judge a girl before you get to know her based on anything exterior. and stop looking for her….because that’s when she’ll just appear, when you’re happy just being “you”.
LMAO…I was replying to 2 different bitches in one post. Blonds are not smart! Stay away from all blonds!
Size 2 …to size 14 !
Holy shit…isn’t that like going from one small woman to the weight of 2 women plus !?!
Does that mean your hubby was then involved in a threesome ?
Well that’s kind of cruel.
Are you asking if I transformed in pregnancy…yes…put on 70lbs with my son. But this was actually in college when I went from a 2-14. I put on the freshman 50. I’m 5’9 so I carry my weight pretty well. But yeah….I went from 135 – 186 lbs….. my brother told me I could be a football player after getting on the scale at 186…..I was back down to 140 in 4 months after that dreadful moment.
High fives on the 5’9″ 😉
shame… never been big on sandwiches…
unless their jonno’s grilled tuna and cheese.
He’s got those figured out nicely.
I always had pogo’s in my lunchboxas a kid.
For some reason, zZz, I expected as much (about the pogos).
grilled tuna n cheese? sorta like a tuna melt?
Mm…. tuna melt… personally, I’m more of a pasta=comfort food kinda gal. Yikes. Carb-o-ri-fic!
My favourite comfort food was something my mom used to make me…can of cream of mushroom soup..half a can of flaked light tuna and a heaping scoop of Ruffles…mixed together and baked in the oven. uuummmm.
wow, that sounds grossly appealing…what the feck was this thread about?
sadly though, and she didn’t know this, there was no way to heat them…
so I ate cold pogo’s every weekday for like two years.
Everyone laughed at me and called it a ‘dick on a stick’ that I was munching on.
bastards
zZz….I feel so sad for you as a child… kids are mean!!….but at the same time I can’t stop laughing…..seriously…my eyes are watering! I was thinking when you said you brought pogos…how the hell did you heat them? My 3 year old had one at daycare 2 weeks ago and eats them like crazy now. I’m in tears….zZz…tears!
yep… they all were.
you can see why I’m as damaged as I am now….
mmm pogos i haven’t had one of those since the cne…poor zZz. from now on they shall be called dick on a stick
Dick on a stick! We make our own when we’re camping… wiener wrapped in biscuit dough, then cooked over a campfire – delicious. Pigs in a blanket, they’re known as to me as a youngster.
oh for me, pigs in a blanket has to have cheese wrapped in…
not sure what it represents in the analogy though.
and to go back, yes it’s like a tuna melt….
only when I think tuna melt, I think open-faced under the broiler on an english muffin.
On an English muffin! yes! I’m having that this weekend. Wings tonight….uummm I’m hungry now.
Would not put cheese on it though. But at the same time I can only eat BBQ hotdogs…not boiled…not nuked…just BBQ
….still eyes watering….
for me pigs in a blanket are sausage rolls. me ma made tuna melts on english muffins and then made happy faces with olives and a piece of pimento
zZz, the way I see it, if not for your childhood, you would not likely have the sense of humour you have now. It would be a shame (for us) if that part of who you are now was missing.
why thank you! not bad for a racist xenophobic francophobe.
I suppose I am used to people laughing more at me and not with me…..
thick skin, I suppose. Very crocogator like…
likely because I can be somewhat of a ‘ham’
and to their credit, they ARE going to make fun of a kid with a mullet, wearing shorts and big galoshes. That’s pretty inevitable.
Only back in the day, we took it in stride. we didn’t kidnap and torture for revenge or go to school and try to blast everyone away.
We were gangster… cause we could handle our shit.
now NGF, I know I said I was a ham but please… stay back.
I’m just going to lay this banger on the floor and back away….
good fat….
^ Hilarious = )
I hope you didn’t actually take MM’s harsh words to heart. His persona (intentionally?) makes the same err that he accuses you of: he forms an opinion about a group of people and then he uses such sources as stereotypes to reinforce that opinion. He doesn’t consider such things as age/inexperience–that there are young people here just starting to realize how much shit has been put into their heads over the years, and given a little time, they will likely learn to sort much of it out.
He hasn’t followed each person over the last year or so to see how they are growing and how much potential they actually have. There are so many variables to consider when looking at a group of people, and he doesn’t consider any of them.
He is simply a Pavlov wannabe conditioning what he perceives to be a pack of dogs. If you perform to his satisfaction, you get a pat on the head.
But, keep in mind, if you want to play his game, there is no actually winning, because you will always be the dog and he the master (in his eyes anyway).
Kim, speak for yourself.
thanks hugo i love calvin and hobbes. that’s where evil mom lady comes from^^
Why is Kim talking about MM? I think I missed something again. /sigh
mm posted something on that DAL post and yeah
PG. Until a couple of years ago I had about 10 K&H books, now that’s some real philosophy for ya – eh?
Thanks Donkey. I am not going to bother reading the post but …yeah.
i think the camping trip strips were my favourites
i actually make a upscale tuna noodle casserole that effing rocks : mushroom veloute/rotini pasta/chunk white tuna/panko crumbs smk’d paprika and butter on top; yummy if i do say so my ownself 🙂
Seriously, 1st?
zZz has never made you laugh?
(Or are you saying you’re the master of MM and he’s YOUR bitch?)
DICK ON A STICK.
HAHAHAHA that’s so awesome. I’m sorry for your damaged childhood, zZz, but c’mon!
What I mean Kim is that; you do not know me, you know nothing about me, you portray me incorrectly, yet you seem to feel entitled to speak for me. Do you happen to notice that I’m just speaking for myself, and not all the “others”.
So back off on all the generalizations that include me.
– no apologist here
and yes zZz has made me laugh (not every time), guess I had my irony level set a bit too high
I still remember seeing Olives stuffed with pimento for the first time.
I just starting school in Dartmouth, and unlike the school I had went to the year before, they did this snack thing just before recess, you were suppose to have something healthy, like fruit, or veggies, I remember seeing my class mate taking out these weird looking green things with a red piece in the centre…I asked him what it was & he said “Lambs Eyes”
To this day I cannot look at stuffed olives & not remember that comment or him . I remember eating them to. I still do, but black olives are my favorites.
Corn dogs…not for me
Kitty chowder…now your talkin’
Oh yeah the topic.
OP next time take a chance.
Who knows you might get lucky, & a little change is often as good as a complete break ~;)
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, hhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmm.
And I’m a swine-loving Jew.
i guess you’re not kosher eh NGF; i actually had a gig for a kosher caterer ; love latke’s gelfite fish not so much 🙂