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this is to my asshole boy friend who still beats the fuck out of me, thank you for turning me into a shell of a person…but you are right I have no where else to go so I will rot here until its too late.
— black and blue
This article appears in Mar 5-11, 2009.
79 Comments
Don’t blame your boyfriend, blame yourself. Grow up, take control of your life and dump the mother fucker already.
Leave. There are places for you to go. You have options, but you must leave.
I think you should call Adsum House. You have always have options.
I second Bastard Fish. He’s an asshole, you’re a coward. DTMFA, and start reading Savage Love.
Get out of there now. Go to Adsum house – they are terrific, they’ll help you set yourself up. Don’t become a frightened shadow for this fucking beast to use as a punching bag. The next beating might be your last. Abusive men rarely change – it’s all about control. Please, dear, get out of there as fast as you can. This man does not love you.
Excuse me – he isn’t a man – he’s a goddamn monster.
Adsum for Women & Children is a non-profit, community-based organization in the Halifax region.
Adsum provides safe shelter, housing, services and support to female youth, women and children who are homeless or at risk of becoming homeless.
If you need immediate assistance, please call 423-4443 or 429-4443
Bastard fish probably beats the shit out of his gf/wife/whomever he’s with.
I hope someone shoves a baseball bat up your ass before they beat you with it. Will that be YOUR fault then?
Fucking loser.
As long as you’re alive it’s never too late, and I say that with earnest because you need to know that he could kill you. Take TTFNs advice. If not for yourself than for every other woman this monster ever has, or ever will come in contact with. Even though he may have manipulated you into not believing it, this bastard does not deserve you. You can and will find someone so much better than him, but first you have to get the hell out of there.
Leave already. He doesn’t deserve you. He will never change unless compelled by the power of the beat down himself. Adsum House or somewhere else will help you. Stories like this make my blood boil. I’d like to have 5 minutes with that asshole in a dark alley. His only up side on this planet is his control over you. Remove that control, by leaving, and he turns into a sniveling suck hole crying for his mother. I typed this 1 cause the other 1 didn’t make it up. I hope they both do. Good luck Lady, let’s hope he rots in hell.
Another safe haven in the Halifax area is Bryony House.
Call them. Call someone. Ask for help, and you will get it. Your boyfriend is wrong, you do have places to go, people who will help you.
Bryony House
Outreach Office: (902) 429-9008
Distress Office: (902) 422-7650
They have lots of great info on their website for women in your situation, including an emergency plan.
http://www.bryonyhouse.ca/aboutus.shtml
But please, wipe your history when you’re done.
My mother was abused by my then step-dad for six years before she got help, but she did, and now she’s happy and healthy and married to a real man. If she could do it, so can you.
Agreed, call Adsum or Bryony House. What he tells you is a lie, I know people who have dedicated their lives to helping people in your situation. And they would never call you stupid or a coward. You deserve better.
Pretty Kitty:
From the message the OP posted, it sounds like she was beaten more than one time. Of course it’s not her fault the first time, there’s no way to see it coming. But the first time should be enough for her to realize what to do. Sticking around with her boyfriend afterwards is where her lack of judgement puts her at fault.
Up until now your posts have been relatively reasonable, but your unfounded accusations today made me lose all respect for you.
Shame on Bastard Fish and Nanners. Don’t listen to them, they’re obviously assholes, or too young to know what the hell they are talking about.
You are not a coward, and this is not your fault. This pathetic bag of slop you call a boyfriend specializes in manipulating people into submission. This could happen to anyone. They take advantage of peoples’ fears to make them do what they want, it’s a sick kind of emotional terrorism. He’s probably tried to isolate you too, cut you off from friends and family, or made you feel guilty for spending time with other people. Contacting Adsum and Bryony House will put you in touch with people who have helped countless women in your situation reconnect and rebuild their lives. You can do it. You are not completely powerless, even if this douchebag makes you feel that way.
Please guys,
Lets not use this thread to bicker over who’s right and who’s wrong. I think it’s safe to say that we all want black and blue to get help, so why not use this thread to encourage that rather than debating what constitutes fault.
It’s not so simple to just up and leave this situation if you feel like you have no place to go. Once you get in touch with Bryony and Adsum you will have a place to go, and they will be able to coach you through the process of leaving safely. Know this, If he tells you that he loves you, or that he cares about you, he is only saying that to try to make you stay. Not because you’re unlovable or unworthy but because he knows that the only way he can ever get a woman to stay with a loser like him is by manipulating and scaring her into it. If he cared about you at all he would have NEVER hit you. Please get help, we are all rooting for you!
Wow you guys really tore me apart. I’d retaliate like I usually do… but FunkMonkey is right. I don’t think being told that you are at fault and a coward is what you need to hear right now, and I apologize for speaking rashly about something I know very little about. I have absolutely no idea what you’re going through. Some other people who have commented here have a better idea, and I think you should listen to their advice. We all want you to get out of this horrible situation safely and we all believe that you can.
Again, sorry for being a dickhead.
But Savage Love is still a great read 🙂
I don’t usually comment on things. But I have to try and help you see that you don’t deserve any of this. This awful man has some serious issues. But that is no excuse for his disgusting behavior. His violence towards you has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with his own, deeply disturbing problems. No matter who his girlfriend was he would be abusing her. You are not at fault, and I know that leaving can be scary especially if you have been in the relationship for a long time. One of my boyfriends was emotionally abusive, it sounds like your boyfriend is too. I too felt like a shell of a person. But I got my life back after I got help and left him. You will feel whole again, but first you need to get him out of your life for good.
Are you an idiot? call the cops on the motherfucker already! Domestic abuse isn’t a fucking giggle, cupcake. Any man that lays a hand on you must be immediately dumped and thrown in jail.
You owe it to yourself to get out of this relationship. Don’t let him use you in his sick little games. He’s not worth it. Get out.
micmac32, she knows its not a fucking giggle, she’s the one getting hit.
But I do agree in the sense that you should get a restraining order, call the cops on him. But only AFTER you are safely out of there!
Report it. If not to the cops, then to someone, a friend you may not have talked to in eight months, an estranged family member, your mom. Anyone.
Write it all down. Not in a journal, not as a diary. As a cold hard list of facts. What has happened to you, when, how. If you feel like you cant possibly tell anyone outloud, cant admit to it – are too ashamed, scared, proud, stubborn, spiteful, lonely or whatever, if you feel like you cant tell them, read it to them. Read it to yourself. Your problem is real. It wont go away, make sure you know it. And then get the hell out.
For anyone who has been dogging on Black and Blue for:
being an idiot for not leaving
being at fault for not leaving
being a coward for not leaving…etc.
There are lots of reasons why women stay in abusive relationships. A lot of the time they are afraid that if they try to leave their abuser will get worse if they find out beforehand, come after them once they’re gone, etc.
Black and Blue sounds like she’s very concerned about having a place to stay, she didn’t seem to know about the two safe houses in our region so lay off. She’s not stupid for being reluctant to become homeless and perhaps even financially unstable if her boyfriend controls her income, like a lot of abusive partners do.
That said, Black and Blue, here’s a great website based in Alberta, that helps women understand the legal implications of all different kinds of abuse. It outlines how to get out, how to get the police involved, and how to protect yourself with the law. It talks about assault charges and restraining orders as well.
http://www.violetnet.org/info/toc.htm
Again with what Todd said, wipe the computer history, don’t let him know you’re leaving.
This information will help you, but your first priority should be to get out, call one of the safe houses TTFN and Todd mentioned. Best of Luck!
I’ve been convinced, I was in the wrong for my comment. It isn’t necessary for the situation. Thank you Trey, for putting your argument in perspective and not retorting with emotional instincts.
I apologize for my harsh tone, BF, but in all honestly you came off like a huge douche in your first comment. It’s NEVER the victim’s fault, so shame on you for suggesting it was.
I’m glad you’ve been “convinced” but that still doesn’t excuse blaming an abuse victim for being abused. No one should have to convince anyone otherwise, and your first comment was just bad taste.
ah geesh, can you guys not smell a troll ?
Actually, no.
Comments on this thread actually seem sincere. Disagreements were for the most part handled with maturity. And if you’re suggesting the original post is a fake then I think everyone can agree that it really doesn’t matter. If it’s a fake it’s a fake, maybe someone in a similar situation will stumble across it. If it’s not a fake then there’s someone out there for sure who really needs to hear all of the great advice that was given.
kudos to Nanners, Bastard Fish, and Pretty Kitty for having the guts to apologize to Black and Blue and to each other. Not an easy thing to do. This topic, fake or not, deserves the level of maturity you guys have shown.
As someone who was abused by a husband, I am shocked that some people still have the same belief that because a woman stays, she is at fault. This is absolutely NOT the case, when a man you are supposed to love keeps telling you that no one will ever want you, that you have no where to go, or possibly even threatening to kill them if they leave, You do beleive it, trust me on that.. and it is hard to break free. But once you do, you will realize how much better your life is and will be!!! Please leave him for the sake of your life/health and for all the people who love and care about you!
Sure thing Trey!
The same group that tears everything and everyone apart, grows a heart.
Brings a tear to one’s eye.
Get over yourselves.
Some 1st year Creative Writing student posts a “plea”, in the Bitch section no less, and suddenly it is serious time.
I’m totally calling bulllshit on the OP. I’m willing to bet this whole post was just an attempt for sympathy and/or attention.
Real battered woman don’t ever want to bring this kind of attention to themselves.
BS.
Love is a funny thing. Black and Blue loved her abuser at some point and, as a result, has (likely) made a lifetime of making excuses for him (if not adopting abusive behavior herself). Why does it continue? No doubt, every time they’ve fought they’ve both been sincerely sorry. Forgiveness is a funny thing too. Both make us hope for the best, sacrifice, practice patience and tolerance, give second chances, and third… blah blah fucking blah!
Love and Forgiveness makes even the best of us very very stupid. Learn how to be “concerned for self”, Black and Blue. Taking care of you (and only you!) is not a crime even though your mother may have taught you something different. Isn’t today a good day to take responsibility for your own happiness? He’s no help… not for long anyway as the post-fight honeymoon always ends and the corruption in your relationship is always there. No apology will ever fix that. Move on.
Detective HH, Detective Luther, good job men! You’ve put another troll in their place with a semi witty remark! We are all indebted to you!
Seriously guys, no one gives a shit except for you, so go play detective somewhere else.
Hey, I’m just giving my opinion. I can’t help my gut feelings. I have a very sensitive BS detector.
No REAL abused woman would ever bring this kind of attention to herself. How many real abused woman do you know? Guess my mom was just one of those fake abused women when she first got help from strangers.
Sadly I’ve known a few Todd. And yes, when I real battered woman wants to get out of her situation, she goes to a place like Adsum or Bryony and gets help. She doesn’t type a couple lines anonymously on a website infamous for being trivial, catty, and insensitive.
So there. I stand behind my bullshit call.
That’s right FM!
Let’s keep the little role-play alive.
Is your WoW server down?
What’s your mom’s screen name that she used to post to a Bitch board, Todd?
Or did she go to a proper place to get help?
Doesn’t matter if it’s fake or not, it’s a real serious issue nonetheless. You can contribute to it, or you can run around desperately trying to keep your badass bullshit detecting online reputation afloat.
Anyone else think HH = Matthew Luthor?
Those comments are minutes apart, and both are equally lame.
Just sayin.
Really? You are all naive enough to fall for this? You honestly think if someone was ready to reach out for help, this website is the place they’d turn? Yowza. Shake your head.
Todd, you’re right – it’s a very serious issue. I’m not sure a bitch board where we discuss the merits of big sunglasses, uggs and crocks, whine about the bus being late, and complain about cheap people who don’t tip is the right place for a meaningful conversation.
Again, hence my bs call.
I’m not ML
It doesn’t matter if it is fake or not?
So the Bitch board has become Yahoo Answers?
Thanks for the update.
I’ll get us started…
How is babby formed?
I have no problem believing that someone who feels they have no place to go and no one to turn to would turn to an online message board. Lots of messed up people get help online. Meaningful conversations happen everywhere whether or not that place is deemed appropriate by you. None of this means it’s bullshit. And if it is, it doesn’t matter. I didn’t watch my mom get the shit beat out of her for six years to scoff at people who may of may not be in real trouble. Even the slightest possibility that it might be real is enough for me to take it seriously.
And on March 10th, 2009 at 1157 AST, The Hammer starts the great Sockpuppet war
HH & ML: While it is possible that this is a fake bitch, the point you are both missing is that we catty beyotchs who haunt this forum will err on the side of helping if it seems someone is reaching out. So what if it is fake? On the chance that it is not we’ll risk our tiaras.
Sockpuppets unite!!! pew pew pew!!! Aaahhhh! Not the buttons!!
Sockpuppets? I don’t get it.
If the OP is legit, then I hope she does indeed get help and leave her situation.
However, I am skeptical of someone who chooses the LTWWB board as a forum for domestic abuse.
You guys want conspiracy theories? HH is ML AND Black and Blue. Who started this thread to get everyone riled up, and then swoop in with bullshit detectors a buzzin. Pretty pathetic.
Even in THAT situation I stand by what three said, we’ll risk our tiaras, and add that doing so doesn’t mean we need to ‘get over ourselves’. We’re the ones who have already gotten over ourselves by swallowing our pride. Now it’s your turn.
Ah clever HH, disagreeing with your other alias’ comment to throw us off the scent! I’m on to you! My bullshit detector is buzzing!
See how annoying it is when people get obsessed with detecting bullshit on these threads.
Ha Ha FM!
Where’s Bruce DeVenne in all this mess?
Obviously a cry for help but your not helping yourself by staying in a volatile relationship. You have choices you know….GET THE FUCK OUT. You can take the time by posting your problems on here but can’t pluck the courage up by leaving. If it meant living on the streets or getting the crap beat outta me I think I would know what I would choose….ITS REALLY A NO BRAINER!!!
So……Black & Blue……its your choice
TTFN
Sockpuppets, Bruce DeVenne… some strong arguments there…they make a lot of sense. Anyway I’m stepping on my own words by bickering with you two. So I’ve stated my case…I’m out. Abusive women should get help, whether the OP is genuine or fake. Anyone who disagrees with that is a turd.
Hey, Katrina, are you saying my name in vain? Heh-heh.
Its hard to know whats right when in this situation. anyone can be suckered into staying with their mate. just look at rhianna and chris brown. he beat her more then once and now they are reported as having gotten married as part of his apoligy.
Yawn, she does have to take some responsibility for herself.
Troll.
Hehe, turd.
Whatever the case, the OP should take the advice of almost everyone who has posted on this thread, and get out now.
Sorry for starting the whole sockpuppet war, but it’s pretty obvious. Give it up, guy.
Agreed.
So if two people disagree with you, it is the same person?
Pretty high opinion of yourself.
Bitch column is not the place to seek help.
Exactly. You catch on quick, don’t you?
Pretty Kitty, Todd, and Burning Man all posted the same sentiment around the same time last night. They must be the same person…
Ignore him, HH.
We’re falling for the old reverse troll.
Don’t confuse me with someone else. I’m me and only me. I don’t suffer from Web based Sockpuppetry
MPD.
sockpuppetry?
is that when you stick a sock on your 11″ penis and rub it in your car on Morris and Spring?
cause if it’s covered with a sock, it’s probably not as bad.
and HH / Luthor,
watch out… we have Jim and he’ll HAMMER a confession out of you.
sorry, got confused there, that’s a different kind of “beater”
yes, count on zZz to be confused. I’ll bet she even thinks she’s some kind of radio “personality”.
Abused women are very good at hurting themselves. Posting on a bitch board where he’ll never see it or know it was her posting is just another source of self-deprecation (a cry for help that will never come – pointless). By posting here she gets to blow off a little steam without potential consequences.
Maybe this bitch is the first time she’s put any evidence of abuse “out there”? This could be a practice run at admitting she has problem. (the FIRST step to getting help)
You idiots think you’re so smart. I can’t wait until you all become adults reviewing your bad behavior here while looking upon your babies who have to survive in this sort of environment. So young… don’t worry, you nay-sayers will all change your tune once life eats at you a little bit and you’ve had some “real” bitches to post here. Bastard Fish… blame yourself?… unreal!
OP, once they’ve hit you and gotten away with it, and then again and again, there’s NO changing that behavior. He learned it from his parents (somebody taught him it’s okay to hit when you don’t get your way) and you reinforce the teaching by forgiving him. You’re doing nobody any favors by staying, especially not for yourself.
ahh, another cameo.
Kay, whose the confused one? Not everyone on here’s a female and excuse me for trying to make a joke while tying in a couple bitches.
I’m just glad the OP wasn’t a gay couple or you’d be here chastising them with your homophobic, “holier-than-thou”-edness.
zZz, my view on gay coupling has nothing to do with religion but since you mentioned it, do you know which sex you are? Trying to be the other one doesn’t make it so. Sorry to disappoint *creepy*
Wait, kay? You just blew my mind. You didn’t just say that gay people are trying to be the opposite sex, did you?
I’ve never faked being a woman on this (or any) site.
I’d say for you to show an example of it but
1. we all know you’d rather just spew more BS and your opinions you try to disguise as fact at us than actually prove your point
and
2. you detest reading my posts so why would you want to read through them again.
Also, I hate to seem like I’m provoking you but I do it all the time so what the hell….
where DOES your view on gay coupling stem from?
I’m going to guess you’ll say your parents (though I half-heartedly think you’ll try to insist it’s not simply to prove me wrong) but that seems to be your defense for everything so that’s what I’m going with.
and in the event that it is your parents…. where did they gain their homophobia from?
This bitch is about abuse, why don’t we take the homophobia arguments over to kay’s bitch about gay people. At least it’ll be relevant.
Man a lot of you are being sicks about this post. What if it’s NOT a fake post? this person is probably stating to think no one really gives a shit and it’s just all a joke. To those who ARE giving good advice, ignore my rant 🙂
Take the advice here girlie, get out before it gets worse, and it WILL get worse.
OP, leave him. Yeah, it might be hard, BUT is it worth being treated that way? No, I do not think so. Please for your safety, leave, and find help.
Wow, Riannah is commenting on here now!
I think the fact that this Bitch has over 70 replies currently shows how serious an issue this is.
If you are being physically assautled, you need to get your ass to a shelter and ensure that he gets his ass put in jail. Assault is a crime and there’s no excuse for allowing it to happen to you. There are ALWAYS options besides living with an abuser.
The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence
http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/fami…
We should all have a sit down chat with this quasi Chris Brown. Black and Blue must be Rihanna.
In all fairness, the OP isn’t showing her name. So I don’t think she is trying to put attention on herself. She might just be releasing some of the emotions she’s feeling because she may feel like she can’t tell anyone. This is probably her only way that she can’t get it out there.
that’s what happens when you CHOOSE to be in a “relationship” with an asshole… rather than bitching, DO something, like leave! Try Adsum House for example… fuck!