You know ‘THE’ lecture childless women: ‘when you have children’ or ‘you have no idea what free time is…’, ‘your life will otherwise be unfulfilled’ etc.
I am an auntie to many, a godmother to some and a mommy to none. It is difficult and draining to raise children, it seeps time, energy, resources and often the stress tests relationships. I empathize. ‘It is a love you will never know unless you experience it yourself’. I get it, OK, I’ve not experienced this love apparently, fair enough. ‘You don’t understand and won’t understand until you have children of your own’. I actually agree, I won’t experience this – well, can’t. It doesn’t pain me overwhelmingly at the moment though, maybe it never will or I’ll be filled with regret at the end of my life. It has been known to go either way. If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard THE lecture, I’d have a room full of dimes.
Women, stop lecturing childless women. We don’t need it. If we won’t understand until we have children of our own, then leave it be and we’ll figure it out then, so stop trying to explain it! Women rarely give THE lecture to men. Lucky, because I have a friend whose partner has had a few heart gripping pregnancy losses. He doesn’t advertise it on his t-shirt. But his feelings are spared because he wouldn’t get THE lecture. Women generally lecture other women on this topic. I’ve had 4 pregnancy losses. I’m moving on, I don’t wear this on a t-shirt either. Stop it mothers, how do you presume to lecture women whose private histories you know nothing of? You risk a lot with that needless lecture, a lot of pain or simple offense.
Even if offense were not a risk, I don’t know one childless woman who really needs (other than pre-pregnant teens) or wants the lecture again. People make choices all the time; women are rarely lectured so continually about their choices other than in the baby forum, and it is such a personal forum! Why presume entitlement to give this lecture? Think about it: we all have reasons for what we do, where we are in life and whether or not we have children. For many, having children is simply not an option, for some, it is a choice. For you mom, it is none your bees wax – unless WE open the discussion. So, back off moms, just back off. —Sans Enfant
This article appears in Apr 5-11, 2012.
*stands and applauds*
sometime o.p., you will be glad to have a mom around. to offer you some sound advice, and not be appreciated for it. you only have one real mom, enjoy her and any advice she will impart on you, whether good or bad.
too many idiots don’t heed the words given out of love, not angst. and right now, in my eyes, you seem to be one of those.
Great bitch, OB.
I have a friend who had no trouble getting pregnant and having a healthy child, but grew up thinking she may be infertile because her mother had a hard time getting pregnant.
So she started posting on infertility sites and got realllllly defensive when she had her kid and everyone on the sites told her to stop posting because talking about her kid and posting pictures wasn’t helping. Her main argument was “well I *thought* I was probably infertile!”
She’s the same person who wrote a whole rant on how studies show that you have to have kids young and how having kids when you’re older is OMG SUCH A BAD THING TO DO. Yeah, that’s easy for her to say — she found someone to procreate with her when she was in her mid 20s. FFS. Not all of us are so lucky.
*shakes head*
Good for you for standing up and saying something about this — this happens to far too often. It also happens to parents who only have one child. They get the “SO WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER?” and then expect an explanation when you say you’re not having any more. My parents got this A LOT when I was a kid. And I mean, I know a few people who had traumatic births with their first child and were either advised not to have any more or couldn’t because they had their uterus removed. What a shame it is for them having to hear this shit.
And some people just don’t want more than one and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s none of your business whatever the reason is!
Agreed!
I tell people that I don’t want kids because
a) I have a short temper
b) I generally dislike kids
c) I am too selfish to have kids
d) Being pregnant is gross/scary/my nightmare
e) I want to keep my body (see c)
f) I AM SERIOUSLY TOO SELFISH/NOT A GOOD PERSON
What do people say back?
“Oh, you’ll change your mind in a few years!”
UGHHHaARRGHHhHHH. You seriously want someone who hates kids to have a kid?
They are quite right when they say “You’ll never know til you’ve actually tried one….”
http://foodbeast.com/content/wp-content/up…
Having kids can change you but it doesn’t give the parents a right to push their values on childless people.
As a mother I wouldn’t do the lecture since I was once a childless woman who didn’t picture myself as a mother. It use to piss me off hearing the lecture.
Now I know what its like but I rather let these childless women find out for themselves when there time comes instead.
Have you tried to zone out during these lectures or changing the topic? Those mp3’s come in handy at times too :).
NO. NO. UNTIL YOU HAVE A CHILD, UNTIL YOU HAVE A CHILD, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT _____ IS
People who lecture on the topic obviously have young children and are clearly still romanticizing the experience. Good luck to them when the bubble bursts.
It’s sad that so many people think having children complete you as a human being – total crap. My childless friends don’t feel like they’ve missed anything.
http://static.someecards.com/someecards/us…
thank you for writing that OP. Perfect.
Nope fuck you. I’m a mother of 5 lovely children and I’ll tell you to have children every time I see you and you will enjoy every fucking minute of it.
MAKING BABIES IS THE WHOLE POINT GOD MADE US! God gave us the ability to procreate and everyone who doesn’t is going to HELL!!!!! ENJOY HELL YOU BABY HATING BASTARDS!!!!!!
sybil? *mouse ears*
The more you troll, zilla, the more I wanna jump yo’ bones!
If you believe in the invisible guy in the sky, ‘Zilla, your credibility plummets several notches. So your stretch-marked twatflaps expelled 5 kids – huge fucking woof – you win the Big Golden Uterus award.
our lizard is 35 years old, thrice divorced and lives in a van down by the river
I now believe the best part of having had kids…is my grand kids ~:)
Just make sure your club of suffrage is the smaller, more elite one. At all times. i just always counter that shit with “Until you’ve been kidnapped and sold into white slavery you don’t know shit about _______” and i win at tragic self-righteousness. Every time.
Try not to let these people bother you OP. I think the big reason for these questions is that we are one of the first generations to see having children as a choice, not a right of passage or an obligation. That’s why we get strange looks or questions from people when they see that we aren’t having kids, or hear that we don’t want kids. At the end of the day though, it’s rude and invasive. Mind your own business, people! There are plenty of great reasons to refrain from procreating, but regardless if you agree with them you shouldn’t force your views on other people, or demand explanations fr how someone chooses to live their life. What you eat don’t make me shit.
It’s starting to get tough trying to fine someone who does want to have kids these days, I find. Maybe it’s just my social circle, but seemingly every male I know’s life goal is to avoid knocking someone up.
And then there’s those of us who picture ourselves with kids… But have a hard time finding someone worthy of procreating with and THEN convince them to knock you up, love you and then stick around to raise the kid. I might be a tad old fashioned here, but I want a husband before kids. I don’t want to have kids alone and I really do want a marriage.
I’m already a wife/mother without a husband/kid(s).
I could rail on my pulpit about overpopulation and how the species needs to lessen the birth rate OP but it’s probably little comfort. If they start up about kids the next time, give them this.
http://www.overpopulation.org/index.html
You may want to re-read the bitch Suckster. You’re probably wondering why you got 15 dislikes when you were just defending Mom.
yeah trood, i saw and heard this too many times before. some people want kids, some don’yt. my point was that the mom was trying to give advice, and i said whether good or bad, she should try to listen. if she wants kids fine, if not, fine also. but she comes across sounding like someone who knows all the answers.
when i first got hitched, we didn’t want kids for about 5 years or so, guess what, ma nature is one sneaky bitch and we had our first daughter in less than a year. there were precautions taken, trust me.ut when i saw those big ole eyes looking at me, then all the misgivings were gone. i love my kids, all 4 of them, and my grand kids as well.
my wife’s mom, said the same things o.p.’s did, and looky look what happened. just goes to show you, if you fuck with ma nature, she will win every fucking time. and trood, i don’t give a shit who likes what i post or not, it’s my opinions.
Fair bitch. I’d also like to point out that you can, in fact, be a mom to a child/ children you haven’t made yourself and I’m willing to bet the love is just as big.
I’ve never wanted to hatch any personally, and have always wanted to foster/ adopt. The hardcore mom lecturers the OB mentions usually can not fathom how a woman could possibly be content with this. *Especially* when all of her parts are in working order.
Head high OB, 4 losses must be devastating to work through.
“If you believe in the invisible guy in the sky, ‘Zilla, your credibility plummets several notches. So your stretch-marked twatflaps expelled 5 kids – huge fucking woof – you win the Big Golden Uterus award.”
blah blah blah I fucked ur mother. too lazy to type a rebuttal pointing out how you’re an idiot. Nothing to due with what you posted as that is your opinion, but how you delivered the comment.
You must of fucked a corpse, Godzilla – your own opinion is why I believe in evolution.
Who says I don’t believe evolution? You made a personal attack on me because I mentioned god. You didn’t even pick up that I was responding to the bitch in satire.
Atheists are more credible than people who believe in religion? Do you not realize how idiotic that sounds? I don’t have to tell you or anyone else on this shitty website who or what I believe in because it isn’t anyone’s business.
hey, if you replace ‘children’ and ‘pregnancy losses’ with ‘double-double-down’ and this bitch isn’t so bad.
🙂
http://www.insanewiches.com/wordpress/wp-c…
Poor ol’ Godsie – so sorry to make a ‘personal attack’ on your helpless little self – you do remember it’s a Bitch Board, right? If you were being ‘sarcastic’, it was a piss poor attempt – now go dry your eyes, you poor persecuted thing.
lols a typical butthurt comment.
It’s okay there asshat. No one cares that you are an idiot and lack reading comprehension.
maybe u suk mah dick?
Maybe you can suck my ol’ grey clit hairs inside out.
u mad?
lolololololol keep posting….FEED ME WITH YOUR ANGER AND RAGE.
PK: It’s starting to get tough trying to fine someone who does want to have kids these days, I find.
GOOD! That means every child is a wanted child!
Why do you even give those people the time of day. I tend to zone out when they start talking.
Xeno, that fine would be violating charter of rights…
so it’s not surprising it’s getting difficult.
LS, did you completely miss the part where OP said she’s tried and miscarried 4 times? Having some nosy mother spout off on her about kids probably feels like a knife digging in.
THE LIFE-DENIERS
“For many, having children is simply not an option, for some it is a choice.”
The female is the Life-Giver in a way that the male will, and can, never know. The female is different than the male. She conceives, brings the foetus to term, and nurtures it in its formative years. There is no closer bond than that between the mother and her child. In effect, she can be said to be defined by her ability to be a Life-Giver in a way the male never will be. Yet it appears that there is a view, current among the “bien pensants,” that having children is simply not an option or, at best, simply one option among others. Let’s call them the “Life-Deniers.”
This is not to say that the female should not have the ability to choose. She can do whatever she wants. My question is simple: Why would a female not want to give life? Why would she deny a – perhaps THE – fundamental part of her nature? Why would she choose to be a Life-Denier? Assuming all the appropriate conditons were in place – adequate income, devoted husband (sorry, partner), a reasonably fulfilling career or job, and so on, why would any woman still want to be a Life-Denier? It just seems to be intuitively odd. Something very important is simply missing in the Life-Denier.
A pleasure as always.
Cherio!
I was the recipient of THE lecture for years before having my son (kinda late in the grand scheme of things), and didn’t appreciate it. Ever. Like when my carnivourous friends attempt to ‘help’ me see the errors in eating a vegetarian diet – “You don’t know what you’re missing!”
Now I see the parent vs. childless lecture from both sides. It’s true that people without children are missing out on some truly fantastic, inspirational and awe-inspiring moments. However, motherhood is not the only thing that creates meaning and joy for women (aka you can be completely satisfied with life without breeding).
Motherhood is also not always wonderful. There have been many (many!) times when I have envied childless people. The first being during childbirth itself! Followed by oh-so delightful episodes of infant diarrhea, colic, vomit, & snot, then moving on to temper tantrums (usually in very public places), complete loss of privacy (can’t close the bathroom door unless the toddler accompanies you in…), bedtime drama, picky eating, the watching of really stupid children’s tv shows…
I love my son to death, and I’m a pretty good mom, BUT every so often wish I could go back to a life without kids – to have the independence and flexibility of the single life. Ah well… no one can have it all… but lets all try to avoid pointing out the grass on the other side of the fence, shall we?
Sorry, I don’t have any words of wisdom on this subject – no idea how to curb THE lecture respectfully or otherwise. Good luck 🙂
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Like when my *carnivourous* friends
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I don’t think this means what you say it means.
Wp
THE LIFE-DENIERS (II): THE MONSTERS
“monster n. something unnatural or monsterous.” (The American Collegiate Dictionary)
“Why would a female not want to give life? Why would she deny a – perhaps THE – fundamental part of her nature?” (Montrealman, April 11, 12:34PM)
If one excludes any reference to appearance or morality, to be a “monster” simply means violating one’s fundamental nature. But what is the fundamental nature of the female?
For the female, the body plays a psychological role the importance of which is alien to the male. Indeed, she idenifies herself in large part with her body. Her body is who she is. (Hear much about male anorexics?) So, by extension, is her child. Having children is a fundamental part of her nature. So what does this say about the female for whom having children is just “not an option”?
Clearly, she is being unnatural. She has violated her nature. She is a monster.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!