Okay here’s the deal- I’m a guy….I live mostly on canned food….my question is….why does *hunky soup taste about the same a s mid-grade dog chow? Also, why the fuck is it impossible to get a decent can-opener for those cans that don’t have the pop-tops? They are either $1.99 and shit or $19.99 and shit….
—I love the smell of melamine in the morning
This article appears in May 14-20, 2009.
OP: First off, go to Wal-Mart and buy the rubber handled $7.88 can-opener. I too have a loathing for shitty can-openers and bought this one 4 years ago. It’s been totally hassle free ever since. No breaking, no skipping, no rusting. It’s the ultimate in can-opener technology. Secondly, learn to cook. There’s nothing sadder than a guy who can’t even make his own dinner.
I’m going to avoid commenting on your diet and stick to the question. PC has a really good can opener that’s $9 or so. It actually opens the cans rather than just mangle.
How the hell do you have an idea of what dog food tastes like? 3 years ago i bought a $20 can opener, and it still works just as good as it did when it was brand new. I used to go through 2 or 3 cheap ones a year until i decided to try a more expensive one, and it was well worth it. Your options are to splurge on something that will last, or to spend about the same amount in shitty ones that will just keep breaking.
I got one of the starfrit ones that cut the can on the outside of the lid, below the lip rather than the top of the lid like the 1.99 can openers…been going on 5 years with that baby and loving it.
Also, a quick way to move your diet away from only canned goods is to get a frying pan. Add meat or veggies and various canned goods and just the right spices…and voila, with little effort you have an almost proper meal.
Stop shopping at the dollar store and you will probably find better quality stuff.
Just a thought!
From my exsperence you need to spend the money on a can opener to have a decent one. Also alot of canned goods have pop off tops
I agree….spend that money now and save yourself the money and frustration of buying tons of cheap ones. Oh yeah, and when eating from a can, don’t expect Mom’s home cooking, unless you actually got Mom to make food and can it for you.
Pick up a “cookbook for dummies” or something…there are tons of nutritious, yummy, simple and fast meals you can make yourself. Basic cooking skills are easier to learn than you think. And think of it this way…you can impress teh ladeez with your “mad skills”…..compared to all the other can-opener-waving bachelors out there.
or teh menz heh
Switch to KD, or sidekicks if you’re looking for something more refined.
I too have the Starfrit under-lid opener and have been going 5+ years with it. As far as cooking goes, I suggest investing in a countertop grill. This way, you can buy your staple meats (chicken, ground beef, steak, pork) and actually cook them in a decent amount of time for whatever you need them for. Most of them even come with meal ideas.
Learn to use a swiss army knife or learn to make your own stew. If you think canned stew is cheap, homemade stew is even cheaper and way tastier.
Also, you can make a large pot of stew and eat from it for a week. If it’s good, you won’t mind the repetition.
take a cooking course at any of the Superstores or Sobey’s they can teach you how to prepare nutritious meals cost effectively. It’s considerably better than canned swill. Of course this will then lead to another Bitch about catching the bus to the Superstore and what a cocksucker the driver was and that you were almost run over by some testicle on a bike on the sidewalk who had just had a boring break up.
Thank you, Senile, I just choked on my water.
I second the Superstore can opener as well. And while you’re there get a BBQ, you can cook all your meats, and some veggies if you get some bamboo skewers at the dollar store. Add some naan bread and you’ll be cooking fancy in no time. And if all else fails, you can heat up your canned goods on it.
Canned stew tastes like dog chow because they’re both made from the same mechanically separated, grade D, reformed meat gunk. That shit is naaaasty! Not to mention all the icky chemicals in that crap….ugh. Do your body a favour and try to eat real food a little more often. At the very least, check out some healthier frozen food options (bonus: they don’t require a can opener!).
Check out a few basic recipes, you’ll be surprised how easy they are to follow, and the interweb is a great resource for any terms or techniques you’re unsure of. When you do cook, make enough for a few meals and freeze leftover portions. That way, you can just haul them out and reheat them on nights when you don’t feel like cooking. Also, as suggested above, take a cooking class. Not only will it give you some kitchen skillz, you may even meet a hottie to dine with.
That was brilliant, Senile…thanks for making my day :]
Starfrit gadgets are usually pretty good, but the gold standard for manual can openers is the “Swing-Away” brand. Dunno why they are called that but those suckers just work. Not too expensive — just look for the word Swingaway stamped into the metal.
mmm…. bachelor chow.
You’ve eaten dog food?
Who hasn’t eaten dog food!? It’s cost efficient for people who only eat out of cans…I guess.
I FUCKING HATE those side cutting bastards!
I lived from a can for a couple years back a while ago like OP.. a can of *hunky’s every day for lunch (Beef so as to get 40+ grams of protien with only 6g of fat and a full serving of veggies)….and trust me, save yourself the frustration and get the “inside the can cutting, razor of death making” kind. If you like tuna or anything else that needs to be drained, it’s 1000 times easier than fucking with those stupid side cutting POS. you’re not a kid anymore, I don’t think you’ll accidentally cut a finger off or slit your wrists. You can get an electric one for 10-15 bucks that should last a while (I have 3 but the original just crapped out after 4 years because the blade dulled and I have more so I’m not going to bother to fix it)
If you hold your canned diet sacred, TRUST me. I’ve been there.
I’ve even had to open a can before with a butter knife… it’s not fun but I enjoyed that tuna more than any other tuna-wrap I’ve ever eaten.
I agree with you about the draining issue zZz, the side-cutters make that bothersome…but less so than an inside-cutter that never works. Maybe when my current opener wears out I might give the inside cutters another chance, but for now, I can’t get over how easy and consistently my side cutter slices through those cans.
Note to self: Keep liquids out of my mouth when reading Senile’s posts.
Another idea if you don’t want to stop eating readymade soups is to buy organic canned soup or the frozen soups. Sometimes, you pay more and you get a better taste.
Also, a slow cooker is good to make soups in, you can even buy those frozen thingies, not that they’re any healthier but at least you’ll get that “simmered all day” feeling from it.
eat some fucking vegetables