Get the fuck out of our water when there are waves for us to surf on. We can’t be bothered to look everytime to see if one of you dumbass swimmers is in the waves. Don’t blame us if you get decapitated by our boards. Heed our warning. —Magic Seaweed

This article appears in Sep 1-7, 2011.

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66 Comments

  1. I’m pretty sure ‘surfers’ don’t have a monopoly on the water at lawrencetown.

    So go fuck yourself, fuckface.

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  2. Well Jan, until you put a honking big downpayment on Lawrencetown it will remain a public beach for the use of ALL persons at ALL times. Rain, sun, big waves or fucking ice floes. So you and Dean can go bang your boogie boards up your distended shit canali and take a flying fuck off of Dead Man’s Curve.

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  6. “we can’t be bothered to look”
    Do you drive like that also, Fucktard? Hope you don’t run me down in the crosswalk!
    Also, I’d wrap that surfboard around your neck and I guarantee you that it would be the last fucking time you didn’t bother to look, Bitch.

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  7. We as swimmers enjoy the waves too and we ALSO can’t be bothered to get out of the way or look for you dumb ass surfers that TRY and claim ownership. Don’t blame us for for overturning your board and having our floatation devices in your way. Have fun trying to surf!! asshole

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  8. “If you don’t like my driving, stay off the sidewalk”.

    Yeah, fuck you, OB.
    *Public Beach*.
    yeah.
    Fuck you.

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  9. FFS, it WAS autos/pedestrians vs cyclists. NOW we gotta listen to fucking “Matthew McConaughey” over here drip and moan about swimmers?? Are you for fucking real?? First off, Dude, the last time I checked, the beach in question was for public use and NO where are there signs limiting the use to “Surfers Only”.
    Secondly, of all the so-called “surfers” I have seen any time I frequented Lawrencetown beach, I think I could probably count on one hand, how many of you wet-suit wearing weenies were actually doing ANYTHING that even remotely resembled surfing. The vast majority of you just seem to paddle out on your board and “ride” the wave in on your belly, like my 5 year old nephew. Sick skills, Brah! (I think your kind call them “posers”? Honestly, I think most of you just have a latex fetish and like to prance around in public in your neoprene gimp suits) If you insist on “surfing” on the hot, humid, calm, gorgeous days of summer when the public beaches are packed, then I got no sympathy for you when the guy you hit with your board crams it up your rubber- clad ass fins first. Here’s a plan: How about the next time you feel like shooting the curl, you wait until the surf conditions are actually conducive to surfing, (like maybe sea-state 4 or 5 = 1.25 – 4 metre swells). Wait for the tail end of a hurricane maybe. Chances are you’ll have some knarly crests to shred and if they ARE that high, the swimmers are typically at a minimum or non-existent, thus solving your “problem”. Otherwise, go wait in your POS van, stow the negative vibes and chill out, Brah!

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  10. HA surfers are such pussies! Out with their floaty boards and their wetsuits! I enjoy the waves attempting to murder me, just little ole me without any wetsuit or floaty :). I don’t know if you can tell or notice, but the currents tend to shove people around in the same place, no matter how hard us swimmers try to give you space.

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  12. I’m sorry, do you pay for the exclusive right to that beach? I can’t believe what i’m reading. I know surfers are STEREOTYPICALLY dumber than dirt and entitled pricks but i’m impressed to meet one that fits the stereotype so brilliantly well.

    What makes you think that surfing is a more important activity than swimming? You’re acting like a nascar driver bitching about people wandering out onto the track..

    YOU’RE NOT A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE TURD AND THE PUBLIC BEACHES ARE NOT YOUR TRAINING GROUND. Go fuck your mother, you spoiled little shithead.

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  13. ya.. you’ll get about 2-3 days a year’s worth of ACTUAL worthwhile surfing swells here…

    I suppose you’re going to try out for the kenyan pond hockey team as well.
    or nunavut’s new beach volleyball team…

    go fuck off.

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  14. Jan and Dean Col.? Dusted off an oldie but goodie you did there! I must go now… my wrinkles are showing…

    And OP: Shoo!

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  16. LOL doesn’t surprise me a surfer would have to post their bitch here instead of telling the floater to their face. Yeah, the surf board ain’t gonna save you buddy 😉

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  17. “Attention!”

    Aaawwww. Look!
    It thinks it has authority.
    Iszocuteeewhenzeyzinktheyhasauzorateeewee!!
    Squeeeeeeee!

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  18. And exactly when did the surfers get ownership of the beach.

    And I’m pretty sure the vast majority of surfers out there would call the OB a self-entitled twat.

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  19. Well you cant stay up for more than 5 seconds so I need to get wet somewhere (no this isnt your girlfriend,,,she’s probably riding a hard board somewhere else)

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  20. So what, the real surfers laugh your poser ass right off of Minutes? Go play on the undertow side of the beach, assfuck.

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  21. I’ve gone swimming at Lawrencetown Beach in September, the water was fairly cold if I remember. Serious shrinkage. Not a good place to hang ten, if you know what I mean 😉
    and OP, grow up, it’s a big beach, I’m sure there’s room for everybody.

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  27. I think this would be a good time to thank you, TommyJ, for letting me know what SET is!

    And I second matey! Ya call that surfing!?! That’s just hilarious!

    I remember going over to have a look when all this surfing shit started – wondering if my memory of the wave situation there had failed. Nope, They’re just waves. You’re kidding yourselves – I’d say dudes – but what I saw was a bunch of middle aged artsy fartsies with water toys – which doesn’t say dude to me.

    Surfers. Pfffft.

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  31. Unsurprisingly, there are some stereotypical comments about the cerebral and other qualities of surfers here. Surprisingly, people are still not adverse to displaying the narrow-minded thinking required to produce such comments.

    OP: Hahahahahahahahahaha! Surely you jest? Sometimes it is other surfers who find themselves in the speeding path of an inbound board. When out there on my board I count on the other surfers to “be bothered to look everytime” as I do for them and the occasional drifting swimmer. We are all responsible for being safety-minded. And don’t get your wetsuit in a knot, it’s a big ocean, we can all share.

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  32. attention pedestrians, watch out for drivers when crossing the roads. some of them are retarded surfers that think they have the right to decapitate you if you get in the way.

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  33. Surfers lol. I have to laugh at these dumb “I drank seawater” so called surfers who put longboards on top of their cars and pretend they are heading to the North Shore of Hawaii only to end up at Lawrencetown Beach. Hey fuck nuts, a fat person falling off a wharf makes bigger waves than what are at Lawrencetown.

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  37. Oceanchick I know tonnes of surfers, on their own they may be just fine but as a group they’re are just a bunch of jocks who want to play extreme dude, trying to out cool everyone and can’t stop talking about themselves, who they know, where they’ve been blah blah blah. I stand by my statement, surfers ARE assholes and the OP’s attitude is totally typical.

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  38. scuse me all to fuck asshole, but the place is to be enjoyed by all. if you want exclusive rights to it, then buy it from the fucking province. other than that, get fucked.

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  40. Hey kids!!! Me and my buddies like to ski really fast down this bunny hill. IF you don’t stay out of our way, prepare to be decapitated! – Magic Mogul

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  41. The OP had better be careful; one day he might just meet a great white shark who is resentful of sharing his waters with an idiot and decides to decapitate him with his teeth.

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  42. The OP had also better watch out for neglectful parents who let their little kid run around throwing rocks at him.

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  47. Attention Surfers At Lawrencetown Beach

    Get the fuck out of our water in which we are swimming. We can’t be bothered everytime to see if one of you dumbass surfers is in the way.

    This just in: surfers do not own the beach. It is a public place for all to use, swimmers and surfers alike.

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  49. Hey Im surpised this surfer can actually piece together a sentence.
    OK say it…. Pub lick beeech .Try it again ….Pub lick beech.
    There thats good ,now say it fast.Wow you can say it.
    Ok tomorrow’s lesson is how to share .
    OK ,,,,no ,,, dont eat that glue ,,,,no dont eat the glue I said .
    Ok stay after school and write these 500 lines
    ‘ I do not rule the beach”

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  51. Actually, OP, you must not be much of a surfer if having swimmers around bothers you so much. From what I’ve seen, a REAL surfer does a pretty good job of avoiding swimmers and having his own fun at the same time. I’ve seen way more surfers sharing the water with HUNDREDS of people in places beyond Lawrencetown. If you’re complaining about the few people who actually go in the frigid waters of that beach, then being a decent surfer will never be more than a ‘pipe dream’ for you! Loser.

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  53. I’m with OP. If you want to swim, go to Rainbow Haven right down the road. Let the surfers have their beach.

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  55. Not to mention there are more of you “knarly surfer dudes” that frequent Rainbow Haven too. So it would seem that no beach would be open to swimmers if you had your way. Go cram your long board up your pipeline.

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  58. Ribaldry is humorous entertainment that ranges from bordering on indelicacy to gross indecency. It is also referred to as “bawdiness”, “gaminess” or “bawdry”.

    lol thanks for that PG. I like to learn.

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  60. Dear angry surf gang leader, aka ” magical seaweed”

    I love swimming at Lawrencetown, and I feel very fortunate not to have run into you or your gang members this past summer, or come to think of it, any good riding waves. Unless of course, that little kid who took my mars bar and then laughing rode the rippling surf on his toy story boogie board was part of your gang. If that is the case, well played my friend. Well played. If not, then maybe I didn’t feel your magical seaweed wrath because you must be one of those idiots who surfs during hurricane weather, ruining the beach for all of us. Get the hell out of the water jackass!

    Ps- this message was a little hard to write, still recovering from the” decapitation ” of my mars bar!! Curse you angry surfer seaweed gang and your wild candy cravings!!

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  61. *checks to see if anyone used it yet.. no? impossible!*

    Alright there magic dickweed.

    Come on guys, I can’t be everywhere are once.

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  65. I love going to Lawrencetown when the waves are stong… but there is at most 6 people in the water and its a large beach… so I can’t really see there being an issue for space.
    I have never really seen any surfers doing more then laying on their boads. I can do that too! So if surfers have the right of way, I am going to buy myself a surf board instead of a flotation device and start some decapitating!

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