So saturday I was driving a street that runs from Easern Passage to Colby, and there parked on the side of a residential street was a man beating the hell out of a small woman. I drove up and past this scene positive someone would help this woman, or one of the many cops that cruse the area would arrive. I watched in my rearview mirror as the scene escalated, and no one stopped. I’m a small woman, by myself, without a phone, and yet still managed to step in and end the conflict.
Dispite the issue being solved taking longer than I would have wished, and dealing with a young traumatized woman, I was more shocked that on a busy residential street no one saw or cared enough to call the police or hell, grab a bat. I saw this as I drove past so I am damn sure at least one or two other people did as well.
Do I have more of a conscience than any Tom, Dick or Harry? Anyone who did see this scene and ignored it could live with themselves better that I could?
Really?
Turning a blind eye is whats ruining our society!
—FloppyBunny
This article appears in Jun 18-24, 2009.
Its a phenomena sociologist call “diffusion of responsibility” the larger and busier the area, the less likely someone will step in because each person assumes the next person will do it.
also why riots and gang beatings happen, no one rain drop thinks its to blame for the flood.
good on you for owning the situation and taking control.
Agreed LL. Yeah, when training for life guarding they tell you to absolutely make sure someone has called 911. What happens is everyone stands around rubber necking assuming someone already got that under control, but nobody has. Good on you for stopping the conflict though, that takes guts.
What you did was courageous and admirable, but I can’t blame people for being frightened to intervene. Darren Watts tried to intervene in a similar situation and was brutally beaten, Damon Crooks tried to stop a fight and was stabbed to death. Both of these incidents were high profile cases and both happened here in Halifax. I would call 911 and yell from a distance letting them know the cops were on their way but I would be very reluctant to involve myself in a violent, volatile situation between two strangers.
I applaud your bravery, OP.
so let’s all round up these shitheads and show them what it is like to have a good whackin put on them.bunch of fucken losers and chicken shit cowards.
So what happens if someone had stopped to help and gotten out of the car, and the guy had a gun and shot them? Plain and simple it’s best to stay out of other people’s business. That’s what 911 and the police are for, and how do you know that no one had called either before you arrived? Maybe the last 3 people to drive by before you each called for help. It’s what I would have done. But to actually get out and physically confront the person? Not one poster here would have done it, although most internet tough guys like to say they would have.
Bring back public humiliation!!! lol Put them in the center of town and lets all throw tomatoes at them!! Seriously though, if the OP is an honest person in writing this bitch, good for you. GOOD for you. I carry a steel rod around with me, and I am not afraid to use it!! lol But, the fact that every other fucking loser in this city is running around with a gun is what would have made me think twice, although I would have stopped and dialed 911 just the same. You are a brave lady I must say!
The thugs have us scared and intimidated and that’s why nobody would stop. They win. And the more they intimidate and bully us into submission, the more they can get away with.
If someone is getting beat up on the street, call 911 first, but I don’t know if keeping on driving is the right thing to do. Stopping, yelling, honking the horn….these are all relatively secure things that could distract and disrupt the assault without you getting further in harm’s way. It’s not easy to involve yourself, but sometimes it’s hard to live with yourself if you don’t.
NL – You have no idea who would or wouldn’t have done anything. I suspect you are just paving a clear road for the fact YOU probably wouldn’t have done anything.
You can go on with your ” so what if’s…” all day if you like. Most people in emergency situations either act or they don’t act and the reasons for doing so have little to do with thoughts of their own safety. And lets be clear, in situations like that it’s not much of a thought process to weigh the pro and cons…..its a reactionary thing, people either act or they don’t.
In the situation the OP describe, the comment about “staying out of people’s business” would be laughable if it weren’t so sad. This is one of those times when you are absolutely allowed and forgivin 100% of the time to be in someone else’s “business”. Business of course being a clever little euphemism used by you to describe a woman having the shit kicked out of her.
I can just imagine what kind of coward sack of shit you are in real life, Man or Woman. Even if you are the 100th person to call the police do you really think its ok to sit there in your car and just wait for them to show up while this takes place in front of you.
that’s normally for eastern passage… “welcome to eastern passage, home of domestic abuse”
I agree: turning a blind eye is ruining society, at the street level and in the big picture.
If we don’t look out for each other today, and teach our kids to do the same, nobody will care about us tomorrow.
It would be interesting to know how “floppybunny” managed to defuse the situation.
Andy you seem a bit confused….dom- abuse does not discriminate at all..it crosses all racial, class and creeds…..it does not belong to one community more than another…..HOWEVER, it is found in homes of ill/limited coping skills and/or unreasonable stressors and/or underdeveloped adults and/or improper socialization along gender roles expectations….. Eastern Passage has no more or less than anyone else though I do know that there is a belief that within military fams there is a higher incident of such…..were they military?
Anyway…… I know what I would do…you know what you would do….all I hope is someone will do something within their comfy zone of course
mgayle…
Did you DO any research on this crap? The military has no higher incidence of abuse than the general public. Speaking from my experience in living across Canada on about 7 military bases, having lived in communities like Dartmouth, Lower Sackville, Spryfield and Halifax..
You see abuse everywhere; in my humble opinion, it’s uneducated people who are more likely to abuse. They are raised in an environment where “hitting” is an acceptable means of communication. Most abusers were abused themselves. It doesn’t excuse anyone. Abusers are often abusers of other substances; ie: alcohol/drugs.
I’ve been retired from the military 7 years, but still continue to work in Halifax amongst the community, and see my military friends fairly regularly.
I’ve seen and heard (the walls have ears) abuse while
living in military housing, and I heard it in Cole Harbour from the people across the street (NOT military).
Canadian Forces has a zero tolerance policy on harassment, sexual or otherwise. My entire unit had to take the course, and 1 person was made to do it over, as he had made unacceptable remarks during class. I know he is still an abusive person but he has few friends. You know what goes around, comes around? I’ve seen this over and over with people who treat others badly. Most end up alone and lonely, obviously if they don’t wind up in prison for killing their partner/relative/neighbour/a stranger..
Sorry to ramble.. 🙂
Mikey did you bother to read my post properly…….
Who wouldn’t? Everything you write is just one big run-on sentence.
You mean ‘Who would?’.
😉
You guys….stop eating at McDonalds then blaming them for making you fat….. 😉
Faux victimology is a bore…….
It’s a wonder things like in this bitch aren’t choked off by the knowledge that everyone and their dog has a cameraphone.
Yes mcgale I did…
“though I do know that there is a belief that within military fams there is a higher incident of such…..were they military?”
Who actually believes military is any different from the rest of society? I asked if you actually did any research on this “belief”.
Did you read MY post?
Actually Mikey I did read your posts and seen you lack the ability to admit when you are wrong so replying to your posts became less of a priority in my life….. your question was sarcastic and I usually do not entertain such overt examples of it….I live in EP and I am fully aware of the mentalities/discussions/realities that take place in my community…..
I think you should pay more attention to your defensiveness and selective reading comp skills than my posts….. 🙂
Domestic abuse DOES discriminate. It discriminates against the smaller, weaker GENDER… women. There aren’t too many men out there who allow their wives to physically abuse them or who are “afraid” to leave (or punch her in the mouth after a while).
The best abuser I ever met was raised in PEI a stout Catholic. His fists didn’t really start up until the man was well into his 40’s and had established quite a stable and privileged life as a engineering professional. Socioeconomic circumstances may show a trend here and there but, generally speaking, these statistics would be unreliable in identifying abusers.
I’ve met many control freaks whom, if they had power over others, would certainly abuse it. What’s funny is these people are born into stable homes, have education and successful careers… all the things required to feed an ego necessarily large enough to judge others and “punish” them.
I didn’t mean to demean your comments; perhaps many were valid.
I’ve seen people posted into Cornwallis (a promotion posting) not only lose their rank but screw their marriage, and financial history also.
For instance a WO (Warrant Officer) who “fraternized” with females (strictly prohibited) and not only was demoted to Corporal, but his wife left him and took half his pension.
I don’t support abuse or tolerate it when I see/hear it. I’m not shy about reporting any abuse when I’ve witnessed it. In fact, I’ve been “pulled away” when I tried to defend a “wife” who was obviously being abused by her partner…
The officer advised that though my intentions were honourable, the wife would be liable to receive a more brutal beating if I had pressed charges…
Frustrated, but very angry… (in Sydney, NS)
Mikey, My comments were in response to someone rudely blaming EP because it is military and my point had been to re-educate that person…. to not generalize as abuse does not discriminate…. in some communities more than others and not necessarily geographical community…family is always the first community….even if that is just you and the dawg….
We see more stressors where it is predictable that there will be a greater incident of certain behaviours etc…. I know in my community the base continues to offer many support groups to families and you know what….. THAT IS GREAT…
We need to talk about it because unlike others I do not support the wars because of what it does to families….. people come back home suicidal, PSTD, drug addicted and we are doing no one any good if we stand around scratching our buttocks trying to figure out why or to hide it…..abuse needs to be discussed not hidden even if it makes military or anyone else look badly…….and recognizing the issue is how we work toward the remedy ….so my post was not an attack at all..it was to point out that one does not need to be military to abuse and that not all in EP abuse and that we need to stop generalizing and assuming and having honest discussion about this epidemic of spousal/partner and child abuse….and YES women can be abusers too.
adding….glad to see you are one of the posse that tells…… and sadly yes some women get worse beat downs or even murdered when they try to get supports or outside help…. or when the police get involved….
Like child neglect and abuse: THIS IS EVERY BODY’S BUSINESS!
In this day and age there is no good reason for an abused woman to stay in an abusive environment. Do you know what happens when you call the police terrified of your spouse? They take him away and 30 days later you can both have your say in court. Education education education.
Oh and Mikey, if your buddy had kept it in his pants he’d probably still have a good job in the military and a happy wife too. Military isn’t the only career choice where liars and cheaters are demoted.