Ok, so here we go with another online dating weirdo. Conversation was going ok, seemed like a nice guy then he has this huge obsession with the fact that if he and I were to connect and move forward, I’d apparently be doing all the cooking? ‘Cause you know, that’s the only way he will know I love him!
The conversation continued about cooking…..totally focused on feeding him. Either he’s stuck on a sofa in a 14-wide and hasn’t moved his ass for 10 years (he is literally fused and CAN’T move), stuffing pizza pockets and chocolate cake in his face and wants some variety. He’s tired of pizza pockets (and who wouldn’t be)?…or he is a man who wants a slave!
He had the nerve to say “I am beginning to see why a lot of white men decide to date Asian women, because they know how to treat a man”. I responded with “sounds like you want a slave” (and I meant this with respect to the cooking part and how to “treat a man”, not the Asian part).
He responds with a nasty email only I can’t read it because by that point he’s blocked me. Then a few days later he unblocks me and messages again. The pre-block message said “no I want a woman that isn’t feminist and doesn’t think she is above cooking for a man. Why should a man feel any motivation to do anything nice for you when you can’t even be bothered to cook for him like most women do naturally. No wonder your husband divorced you. He’s better of without some anal retentive feminist **** like you”. (I was late for work this morning trying to fathom this one…….wow!). He then said “so seriously, what’s your deal that you think you are too good and above cooking for a man and then probably expect him to feel motivated to do anything nice for you? Seriously? Are you one of these feminist type?
To this I said: “You don’t know me at all. And I am just now reading this message and the one prior…..the one where you said unspeakable things. If you only knew WHY I was divorced and if you even had one SHRED of empathy for anyone but yourself, then you might find that there is a heart in there that’s capable of loving someone. You blocked me before I read it and frankly I wish I hadn’t read your comments. How dare you? I am far from what you have me pegged to be. I however don’t feel the need to defend myself. I really hope you find this person who can feed you and keep you happy. Seems this is the only real quality you look for in a woman. I can only imagine what she would get in return”
Me thinks it’s time to delete my online dating profile.
And for the record, my husband completely devastated me, years ago. I won’t go into details as it’s something that’s in my past. I am an amazing cook…I love cooking….for the right person 🙂 —The Cooking Didn’t Leave A Bad Taste, He Did!
This article appears in Apr 11-17, 2013.
Nothing wrong with cooking a man a nice meal once in a while when you are dating. But this guy sees this as a reason to break up with you???? Forget him OP. He’s looking for a mama!
as a chef i cook what i want and for whoever i want. i cook for the bear and when i feel like chopping things. this guy would get a dogshit salad since he is the turd in the punchbowl
wtf… did i just read.
Sounds like you both dodged a bullet on this one, you for not wasting what precious time you have left…. and him for not getting poisoned in the end because I KNOW that’s how this shit would have played out.
He sounds like a fuddy-duddy living well in the past.
thats hilarious, u shuda just cooked for him and put a ton of x-lax in his food hahahha and sent him on his way 😛
Why would you be surprised when a guy who is too lazy to try and meet a woman in the real world also happens to be, ya know.. lazy? Try going out during the day and maybe the night and looking approachable, maybe even say hi to a good looking guy.
My best bud refused to cook for any of her relationships. If the dude didn’t like it, he could take a hike. Her attitude: ‘treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen’ still attracts the guys and all of them want a relationship with her even though she’s almost 60. 2 of the 3 men currently in pursuit of her can cook pretty decently – so I know one will be getting the rose on the silver platter soon – bahawhawhaw – still love her ‘tude after 40 yrs of friendship.
okay, i’ll bite, put some kind of dead animal on the table, make it look and taste good, and you got a date. with what i can eat in a day, you would swear to fuck that i would weigh in at a 1,000 pounds. but ohnos. i am a lousy 165.
must be all the exercise that i don’t get anymore. guess i’m kinda like a shark, more i eat, less i gain. seriously tho people, if you ask anyone that i know off here, they would tell you that they would rather pay my rent, than my monthly food bill. and oh yessie, i loves me cookies and junk food. the little debbie cakes and shit are the best, and at a buck a pack at the store just down from me, look the fuck out. can we say food frenzy.
Why do my instincts tell me that this post has been made up by a woman who hates men, I might be wrong, but….. Just for the record I’m straight, and am a complete equality feminist; I don’t agree with difference feminism. Yes men can hold feminist views. I don’t know any guy who would have an opinion about whether or not a girl cooks after only knowing her for a short time; even the fucking farm assholes from the 1970s.
This has got to be a fake. Either that or he’s trying to scare you away on purpose, or he is a complete maniac.
Personally… I believe the cook shouldn’t also clean.
Each should be chipping in and having been a dishwasher as a student job
I fucking hate doing dishes (ESPECIALLY SILVERWARE.. total pet peeve)
so… yeah, personally I like to and am happy to cook.
LOL I love it, TTFN! That’s awesome 🙂 This guy sounds like a real asshole, OP. You’re better off without him. I’ve experienced similar situations on POF. When a guy goes off on a tangent like that, big red flags! Run for the hills! I bet the same idiot pulled that on a few lovely ladies and then decided to recant? They do that too. The nerve!
fortunately for me, some of the family including the hubunit have magic hands
me too zedman, cutlery is the worst. cooking keeps me calm and i get to use knives^^
The least you can do your man is cook, clean and do the laundry. It’s what you said you’d do if we let you drive, vote, and get an education.
Now go make me a sammich!!!!!!!
I dunno man, nobody male or female wants to be with someone who doesn’t know how to turn on an oven. Unless you like to cook and don’t mind handling that chore. Am I wrong?
This guy just sounds like a bitter, whiny self important blowhard. Not because he wants his gf/wife to be able to cook but because he decided to go on a big tirade and hurl a bunch of vicious insults instead of just saying “I don’t think this will work” and looking for a woman who shares his views. I don’t want to date a hardline feminist either (not saying that you are one, OP) but if that’s who they are I’m not gonna make myself look like a tool by ranting on about feminism and the good old days and how north american/white women aren’t as good as other types of women.. lol give me a break. Why not just be bow out gracefully? When you lose your cool and resort to personal attacks, you lose.
Was this like a first date? 10th date? I’m curious.
Also, I hate when people throw around phrases like “no wonder your husband left you!” or “no wonder your parents hate you” etc.. such an easy target/low blow. Shows you what kind of person you’re dealing with. You should be thankful that this guy showed you who he was early on, sometimes people are good at faking it.
How does he survive from day to day?
First you must give, in order to receive.
Ugh. Doing dishes SUCKS. Even with a dishwasher it sucks balls.
I also subscribe to the “I cook, you clean” mantra, and I LOVE cooking. Just cooked up a delicious lasagne, caesar salad and fancy-iced mini flower cakes for my ma’s birthday.
I don’t mind doing the cooking. Sometimes, though, I just don’t feel like cooking for others. Dude’s got two feet and a heart beat. Tell him to make his own fucking sandwich.
that’s what i was saying sweet kitty, plus i am a bad dishwasher loader, it’s some sort of dyslexia
I used to hate doing dishes but I don’t mind so much anymore. Will gladly do it when someone fixes me a plate.
I haven’t seen any of you guys in a while. We should get together. Party at PK’s! I’ll do the dishes!
Daniel, this Bitch rings so true to me! It’s hard to meet people with like values on the services. So many bitter women/women-hating men.
I think this Bitch is completely LEGIT.
p
OB “He’s tired of pizza pockets (and who wouldn’t be)?”
ME! Dat’s who!!
I went into a coma after “Ok”.
Count your blessings you found out early that he was an idiot douchbag.Most women aren’t so lucky.Deleting your profile is a very smart idea.Online dating sites are, for the most part, a complete waste of time.Keep your chin up darlin! 🙂
But for the record, he didn’t leave you beacuse you can’t cook, as your title implies. Then again you can cook and he didn’t leave you. But what seems to have set him off is the “you want a slave” comment. And to be fair I don’t think wanting a woman who wants to cook for you is equivalent to wanting a slave. He just got all worked up over a fairly innocent comment and thus is a tool.
I don’t think you dodged a bullet, OB, but a freakin’ missile.
Daniel, I WISH this bitch wasn’t legit, but I’m pretty damn sure it is. There’s a lot of awesome guys out there….then there’s duds like this who are clearly stuck in another century. Fortunately I’ve met more of the former but every now and then I run into one of these tools.
And TJ902 I dunno, it didn’t sound to me as though the guy just wanted a woman to cook for him every now and then.
The way the bitch read it sounded like he actually did want a woman to do ALL of the cooking, ie. wait on him hand and foot or in other words, be a “slave” in the kitchen.
(She said he seemed obsessed with her doing ALL of the cooking and that the conversation continued to be about cooking and focused on feeding him). And then the comment about Asian women…..classy.
I’m just gonna throw it out there that in any respectful, egalitarian relationship both partners share the duties.** If that means that one person does all the cooking and the other does all the cleaning, so be it. Pretty sure that’s not what this guy was getting at here.
**Disclaimer: I’m in no way a shining example of this. My husband is pretty awesome and has definitely pulled more than his fair share of the load on more than the odd occasion. But it’s not like I expect him to because he’s a man and that’s his job or anything.
You might call it laziness on my part, but I like to refer to it as being laid-back. 😉
This guy sounds like a misogynist, overbearing, mama’s boyish control freak. Your “slave” remark was entirely warranted OP as Asian women have traditionally been treated as second-class citizens. The guy sounds entirely Oedipan. Mom probably has him convinced that most girls aren’t worthy of licking his feet.
so tell us again why you didn’t leave the second you realized he was a jackass?
Sorry op. But I certainly don’t get tangled up with fools like this. There’s a reason for that. I like to call it dignity but you can call it whatever you want.
But you know.. good on you for keeping it going and getting as much of the last word possible.
Now. What have we learned?
Men have to emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich! Lol!
^^^ Two, not to…yikes!
Since I got 9 dislikes I’ll clarify what I should have expanded on a bit more on my last comment.
I believe that it happened, I’m just shocked that the bad date blamed feminism for OP’s lack of desire to cook. I just haven’t EVER heard that before. Men steer clear of the feminist road like a dead end to nowhere. It is too heated a subject and you never know how someone will react. Why complicate things into an area where you can’t win, even in circumstances where you might have a legitimate point (I’m not saying the date had a legitimate point by the way).
Still sounds a bit too strange, but I’ll believe it.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RiBmCeAi5C0/Teus…
“Men have to emotions: hungry and horny.” – It appears as if The Captain has acquired a new enemy.
“Oh Yeah?! Well… Girls can’t spell!”
Lol! It was thumbs run amok, Captain! That’s my story and I’m sticking two it!
(I did that on purpose) 🙂
Good on you, Daniel. Much better! I will give you a “like” for the clarification. Not that I gave you a “dislike” on your prior post 😉
Ivan….love that link! I’m gonna use it! ha ha
Have fun with it Heather. It’s famously atributed to Lady Astor and Winston Churchill. But supposedly David Lloyd george said it to a suffragette 30 years earlier. Personally, I think it’s been around since cave times.
Mmmmm – some Bronto ribs would go down pretty good right now. Get crackin’ woman!
*Disclaimer – despite being a proudly self-labelled right-wing redneck, Ivan understands that the Flintstones was a cartoon sit-com – not a documentary.
The Jetsons are another matter, Comrade.
‘Rorge!
p
Werner von Braun was supposedly a technical advisor on that. Which would explain why George’s job was to manage a sub-camp of Polish forced laborers. >; )
“I aim for ze stars, und occasionally hit London”
I understand the old style way of thinking and I’m glad he came right out and told you this OP. so many people pretend to be someone else and then wait for you to fall for them and turn the switch. People lie to get where they want to be! Be lucky you can walk away now.
It should be about team work and respect. I do most of the cooking, cleaning, and nursing for the cub as well as work. But the partner is always there to do the heavy lifting or give me a break or rock the cub to sleep. Life’s not always 50/50 but as long as both people put in effort then the job always gets done.
Well, there’s always the Russian bride network….
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-…
How could he leave you if you never even met him?
Stop your whining and get back into the kitchen!
God… you ladies…
Yeah the guy is a tool, no doubt. I’m just saying there’s nothing wrong with having certain things you want in a partner, such as being able to cook. Ladies like a guy who can fix things, or hold a job, for example, I don’t see how that’s any different.
I agree that it’s all about reciprocity, no one should just be sitting around expecting their partner to do all the work.
I’m sorry but these days both spouses work. If a man expects me to come home and have dinner on the table (SHARP!), after I’ve worked a long day, I may be tempted to use some of the suggestions from prior posts….he’ll get sharp all right! Sounds to me like this guy was a lazy, ignorant, neanderthal. How do you like me now???? http://www.steelcagerecords.com/images/lar…
You know OP could have fallen victim to a POF troll. I’m sure they’re out there.
“Men have to emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich! Lol!”
Girl, bring yo muthafuckin’ ass to papa. NOW!
“Stop your whining and get back into the kitchen!”
Someone woke up on the wrong side of the British cigarette package today.
Once I learned that every relationship is in a constant state of negotiation, the Battle Of The Sexes disappeared for me. Gf has a 9-5 day job and as an artist my hours are different. I shop for food every day at my local, and make most of the suppers. It’s made me mire comfident in the kitchen/at the bar b que, and I LOVELOVELOVE to cook. I have a small repetoire of stand bys in the meat, chicken, pasta, fish categories that are easy peasy on your kneasy to make, and sometimes I do the research to learn a new one- like last month I made my first boiled corned beef and cabbage dinner.
And of course, cooking together is an amazing and intimate thing that I find brings us together.
Hey OP- don’t accept someone who refuses to make an effort. I have many MANY faults. Cooking isn’t one of them!
On the balcony, bbqueing as I write this,
paulio
Paul also tells his dates that aurora borealis lights up his BBQ when making steamed hams.
TJ902. I died when I read ladies like a guy who can fix things or hold a job! Lmao. Seriously. You can’t think that’s a preference like woman should cook. If a woman’s only request is that the man has a job then she needs to set her standards higher.
india sierra whiskey yankee delta tango, strongman
I agree mama bear, if all someone is looking for is someone to cook for them or fix things for them or provide for them, they are shallow. However, you can have certain minimum requirements without being shallow. I don’t feel guilty saying I would like the woman I spend my life with to be able to cook a good meal. To take it a step further I want her to WANT to cook me a nice meal on a fairly regular basis. I don’t think that’s shallow or mysoginistic in any way, however if that’s ALL I’m looking for then I should hire a housekeeper/cook and pay her accordingly.
I also want a woman who has some sort of career ambitions beyond being a home maker so I get that I can’t have it both ways. I don’t want a 1950s housewife, just someone who enjoys making her man (and herself of course) a nice meal when she can. Most women I’ve spoken with don’t need a rich man, but don’t want a broke useless man either. Nothing wrong with that.
Bitches like jobs.
Depends on what kinda “jobs” you’re talking about.
OB, as a man who likes to cook (& bake as well) you are one lucky girl…. this guy wanted a woman just like his mama.
Not a girlfriend, lover or partner, he just wanted his mama replaced !
While my lover is IMO a pretty good cook & I have no complaints to her cooking, baking …have I mentioned her great candy making. But even she likes it when she comes home to a meal prepared for her, or wakes up & I’m already well into preparation for a holiday/family get together meal .
Also,
Not to forget to mention when we cook together, which is always in our opinion, a great way to spend time together, & for us to do something we both enjoy.
So OB go get set yerself a place at the table, grab a bottle of something you enjoy drinking, cook something for yourself & thank the Flying Spagetti Monster, how lucky you were that idiot revealed himself before you got involved
Take care
So Paul’s place for supper everyone? Say, around 7-ish? And when the “intimate thing” starts with the GF, we promise to make a quiet exit, LOL It’s so nice to hear that people can share the load….after all, isn’t that what makes a relationship worthwhile? And Paul is right, cooking together can be very enjoyable. Glass of wine….chat about the day….have some laughs. Then it doesn’t feel like work! Well, until the bedroom anyway! HAHAHA (kidding, I’m kidding….)
I know exactly what you’re saying TJ. I just remember being 21 and I just wanted a guy who had a job. That’s why it was funny. I use to date guys who were kings in high school and pesants once they joined the real world.
Now it’s about having a partner to share the work. And I still do most of the cooking n cleaning, but he always asks if he can help and if I couldnt cook or clean he would. (I’m OCD bitch who has to have things done exactly how I like it. I’m working hard on changing).