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I will never forget this one man who thought he was doing me a favor by wanting me to lick his ass. He rolled up, legs in the air naked, spread his cheeks and looked like he hadn’t wiped for days. NFW I was gonna rimjob him. Attorney or not! —Dating: it’s scary out there.
This article appears in Jan 22-28, 2015.
19 Comments
Liar Wowe? Don’t worry. He’s now in a place where they don’t cut corners where proper rectal hygiene is concerned.
Cue similar “true story” from Mo’ Fool in 3 – 2 – 1
We will never forget this either. You must have been ”down there” doing something for this to happen. Leave the random strangers on Plenty Offish. Not sure why attorney was necessary but the rest of us knew they were full of shit.
Putting away my bullshit meter, can someone please explain how the guy thought he was doing a “favour” for the OB?
He was going to cancel the PST on his legal services.
“favour” – Uhhhh, because you can’t enjoy proper “man taco” without a little mole sauce?
Okay, that’s officially the worst thing I’ve ever posted, but society is to blame and I should be pitied, rather than despised.
congratulations…ive pulled a dead carcass out of the Gulf of aden, the flesh stripping from the bone like a soggy tube sock, and didnt gag. I was knee deep in sewage last week after a sewer line went, didnt gag. but this…..this is wretched…i cant even finish my breakfast. lol.
Some people like this kinda stuff! Go to pornhub and search brazilian fart porn… IT’S A THING!!!(don’t ask me how I know, it was 4am i was 21 and bored) Not that I blame you for not doing it, but don’t judge! Some people out there like the crusties that grow in the man forest!
For some actual advice, if you’re into online dating, use OKCupid, then you can answer the questions: “Under the right circumstances, would you allow your partner to lick your anus?” Or “If your partner asked, would you perform analingus on them?”
That way you know if people are into it at all, and if they’ll date you if you’re not.
The things that happen , when you’ve put the garden hose away for the winter !
OB, ever thought of maybe taking a shower with these strange r’s you pick up…. since its just not the right time of the year for you to be able to hose them down before you stumble into the house with them.
It’s a shithole, Dating Ditz. Perhaps you should have brought a fork and knife.
has the 21st century ‘plungered’ us into some kind of ass licking epidemic?
I blossomed under the free wheeling 60’s and 70’s when everyone was fucking everyone else and not once did someone ask me to lick their chocolate rosebud.
wtf. ew. it’s a sensitive area and ok for non-oral stimulations, but there’s pooh there!!! not your mouth. ew ew ew!
OB, you should have offered to BOOT-FUCK him instead! Dat nasty ass muthafucka!
BTW, if he told you he was an “Attorney” he was probably lying. They are called “Lawyers” or “Liars” here in Canada. Only Americans call them Attorneys at Law.
I have a strict ‘NO ass-to-mouth policy’ but I have encountered some nasty mafuckas out there in the dating scene. Like the time I dated this cutey college boi for about 2 months, he couldn’t get enough of no fool…. we was knockin boots on the regular. I didn’t know that he was a closet packrat. After sex, dat mafucka was throwin his used condoms and wrappers down the space between the wall and the bed when I wasn’t lookin. Down there in one big pile under the bed. Like 20 used jizzy condoms and wrappers! I didn’t know they were down there! I thought he was disposing of them every time in the garbage or toilet like a normal person. I didn’t find out until moving day, when these the three male movers pulled out my bed and started laughing! FFS!
Winnie’s there?
Sounds like the modern dating scene really sucks……makes me very glad I share my home with a female kitty.…… now where did I hide that last bit of catnip?….
oh i understand there are people that like that. im not judging them as creeps, or deviants or anything like that. I am just saying it made me queesy to the topic. something that handling dead bodies and sewage could NOT do lol.
Soooo…what you’re really saying is, OB, that if a fella were to always be packing a clean, freshly bleached âsshole, you’d chow down like its a Boxing Day, turkey sandwich?
http://ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i59/5/9/4/frabz-…
Just wash your fucking asses everyone. Everything is going to be fine.
Bummer, Man!!