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My father is the only person in the world that doesn’t think he’s an alcoholic. He isn’t unique; he’s a cliché. If you saw him you’d think he was homeless. He’s been detained many times for public intoxication. His driver’s license was revoked a decade ago. He’s lost several jobs for showing up drunk.
It is difficult for me to confront him about his drinking, but, I’ve found the courage many times. Not every time. It’s exhausting. It drags me down.
That is why I understand that it is difficult for someone who confronts people like him every day in their occupation to do what’s right.
On Saturday I met up with my father. He had been drinking and could barely talk or walk – it was like watching a marionette take steps. We went to a grocery store. My father, unsurprisingly, veered into the adjoining liquor store. He collected several cans of Faxe and asked me to buy them. He was convinced they wouldn’t serve him in his state. I managed the heart to refuse.
So, he took his chances with the cashier. My father was unintelligible. He tried to put his debit card into the scanning wand. He was without a doubt, by any stretch of the imagination, lit like a torch.
On the way into the store I wanted to stop him but I didn’t. I lost my nerve. I left it to the employees to do what I should have. It’s their job, after all, to not serve someone that’s already drunk.
You served him like any well-meaning human with a heart of gold would help any drunk homeless-looking man in need. But, that sort of thing rarely happens, if ever. This was not the situation it should have happened.
What’s worse, you were visibly annoyed by him and wanted him to leave – which was not quick enough for you – BUT, not before you got his money. Then he’s out of your hair. Someone else’s problem. My problem. Everyone else’s.
You took advantage of my father. You brought him a little bit closer to his death even if he’s mostly to blame. Your job is to help people help themselves to know when they’ve had enough. I know it’s hard. I know it’s difficult to turn away a customer. But please, please, please just try to do the right thing next time.
I could have got your name. I could have reported you. But I didn’t because, fuck, we’ve all done something we shouldn’t have. We’ve all been there. I don’t want you to lose your job over it. I don’t even want you to get in trouble over it. I just want you to change.
This is not the first time I’ve seen this happen to my father. It won’t be the last time. I know it happens every single day to countless other people out there.
IF SOMEONE IS ALREADY DRUNK don’t sell them any more alcohol.
It is very difficult for people to get the help they need with such callous, tacit, systematic enabling. It fucking hurts. It kills me every time fucking time. —Public in Frustration
This article appears in Jun 4-10, 2015.
Dear, the clerk BROKE THE LAW by serving your Dad.
Might I suggest that you file a formal complaint with the Nova Scotia Liquor Commission instead of bringing the issue up here?
I am certain that all of us – save a few cretins – would commiserate but none will have the same effect that your complaint will have.
And thank you for writing coherently, using paragraphs and punctuation.
Wut, wut? Ivan had a daughter and never told us.
He really was a sonofabitch!
I know they broke the law – and I want them, and everyone else who has done this, to change the way they serve the public. It happens every day across the city, across the province, across the country, and across the world. I don’t want every single cashier who does this to be fined or arrested. And in that respect I don’t think it’s fair to single some unfortunate few to serve as some deterrent example.
I want change but I don’t think handcuffs and fines are a healthy or ultimately productive answer. For everyone that’s scared or respects authority there are those who are bitter and resentful of it.
I guess I’m a hearts and minds kind of person. If people have to be arrested (forced) to change then the understanding isn’t there. Or – worse – the understanding is there but the reality of change is that it’s hard.
I know it’s hard to say no to a customer and I know it’s hard to be the one who doesn’t serve them when everyone else – or someone else – would. You can feel better knowing that you aren’t the only-one and that it happens everyday. Or that if you didn’t do it that someone else would be doing it anyway. I guess it’s a mob mentality sort of thing.
It may be cheesy but I guess I just want people to have more than just a superficial relationship with the public they serve. People don’t just whisk through a cash register and go off to never never land. They’re sons, fathers, daughters, mothers, sisters, all that crap.
I think the problem is that for most of our days the only relationship we have with people is customer and server and the paradigm that creates can be unhealthy. It creates a divide – us and them, and this cashier was annoyed at my father – a customer – like he was on some different team she’s playing against. We don’t prioritize the idea of “person” above “customer” or “server”. We treat people based on the labels we give them or see them as, first, and persons second if ever.
I remember more than a few years ago being in the Shoppers on Spring Garden. The clerk wouldn’t sell a pile of mouthwash to a rather haggard and smelly man.
He left screaming “a man can’t even have fresh breath in metro!”.
Shameful way to treat a Falklands War vet.
For God’s sake Willard, seek help! Seek it now!
A perfectly reasonable expectation and goal; perhaps combine the two strategies as the mainstream media LOVES this type of scenario. There you will get a larger audience and greater effect. I just don’t want to see you become more frustrated than you are right now.
PIF, by not making a complaint to either NSLC or the police, you will allow this to continue on. By not reporting because you are afraid someone might get arrested or fired or get their feelings hurt is the reason bad things continue. You are not doing your father or society any good by being quiet. And this goes for anyone who has witnessed a crime or wrongdoing and has kept their mouth shut.
I know the struggle all too well PIF, my mother is the same. Am resigned to the fact that she’ll never change. She’s tried AA once or twice and made some progress but always ends up going back to the bottle and there’s always an excuse. Sorry to hear it my friend, growing up with an alcoholic parent is difficult.
Surprised.. as I’ve heard some of the horror stories when they do actively deny some crazy drunkards… some not even stopping short of death threats.
It’s good that they employ security at most, if not all of the outlets.
Also, always a good idea to make sure to get enough booze BEFORE getting slammered.
It’s a total buzzkill to have to go out and get more.
Or maybe he could have called a cabbie to pick him some up.
I know they used to do that in some places…
Great *rolls eyes* Now “someone’s” going to come on here frantically trolling for one of
those cabbies who does booze runs. Let The Thirsty Games begin
Hello from the NSLC,
We would be interested in hearing more about your experience. Please email us @ csr@myNSLC.com
Thanks
I am an NSLC employee and I just want to validate your feelings on this incident. This is the hardest part of the job; not just denying service due to intoxication, but denying service to someone with a legitimate addiction problem. I grew up with an alcoholic father also and I see his face on everyone that I have to turn down that I know will get sick without more liquor. I commend you for your compassion for thr employee and hope this article stretches far and wide. I am also gld to see our PR people reaching out to you above. We need to use these instances as training tools. I apologize you had to go through this, even once is too much. Take care miss.
http://cdn1-www.craveonline.com/assets/upl…
wish I could post relevant information here as I’m an NSLC employee too. sadly you will have to talk to our HR people instead.