At the beginning of this month i sank into a deep depression. I have a history of depression and tend to phase in and out of sadness, but I had been doing really, really well for a while. I decided to be completely and entirely alone four weeks ago and I cut everyone out of my life. I have spent this entire month alone, crying most every night, because this is what I do. things will be going pretty okay for me then i will remember that I hate myself and that I am awful, and I will throw away everything good in my life and start treating myself so badly. I am so tired of this. I want to break the cycle but i do not know how. I just wish I could stop. —I Don’t Know How To Fix This, And I Am Exhausted
This article appears in Jan 24-30, 2013.
Me to sometimes, huggg
I had a rough time at the start of January. Cried every day for 2 weeks and it was lots of crying, not just once here and there. It is hard but there is a light. Try to grab it. Why do you hate yourself, why do you label yourself as awful? I’m sure you arent. Reach back out to your friends, a counsellor.. anybody. Take some vitamin D, go for a tan, try to feel warm and better. These months are hard.
You can self-refer to Community Mental Health Services (Bayers Road) – http://www.cdha.nshealth.ca/mental-health-…
Break the cycle… have your local nurse prescribe you cyanide.
Or just steal it from their cupboard when they’re not looking.
Side note, I know where you’re coming from.
It’s very difficult to have no goals, aspirations, dreams…
and no-one to engage.
Set up an account and ridicule others…
it passes the time nicely before the sweet grasp of death.
You know what OP we all disappoint ourselves and yes, we even hate ourselves at times. No one is perfect. (except me) lol. Seriously though, Isolation is the first clue that you are sinking, that I know. It just seems so much easier to isolate but then you know what comes next. Too much thinking, too much sleep, too much sweets, all of the above. I hate to say it but I think Hampzzz is a little bit right here. Take a laugh wherever you can get it; it will go far in shortening the long dreary winter days. Try to get out of the house at least for an hour a day and log on here. Yes there are many assholes on here, some love to fight and wrangele. But, take those ones with a grain of salt. You will get a laugh or two. Take care and hope you are feeling better soon!
“Isolation is the first clue that you are sinking, that I know. It just seems so much easier to isolate but then you know what comes next. Too much thinking, too much sleep, too much sweets, all of the above.” – Hmmmm, possibly.
The Captain is an introvert at heart, so avoiding people is actually the key to maintaining sanity. I’m usually having a good day until people start fuckin’ with my zen.
The others are right. Laugh when you can. And you actually do need at least an hour of sunlight a day. We evolved out of trees, not caves.
“Being well prepared to appreciate the struggle for existence which everywhere goes on from long-continued observation of the habits of animals and plants, it at once struck me that favourable variations would tend to be preserved, and unfavourable ones to be destroyed.” Charles Darwin
“The rapid advancement of scientific and medical understanding in the 19th and 20th centuries led to the development of improved health, causing the human population to rise exponentially. Thereby ensuring natural selection and survival of the fittest genes would no longer be relevant to the survival of our species. Meaning that any species can continue passing on the undesirable traits of heredity. Existing patterns of biodiversity have been shaped both by speciation and by extinction. Natural selection is the only known cause of adaptation, but modern man now controls the evolution of our species for better or worse. Thus, ensuring that undesirable traits that would have disappeared through natural selection can now dominate portions of our population and continue an unnatural cycle that was not part of our evolutionary process.”
Screaming Fields of Sonic Love
Any arguments can be sent to the late Charles Darwin’s estate, I am merely his puppet spreading his teachings and cannot be held accountable for his work, ideas or his contributions to the world.
PS- Montrealman, I unknowingly used the idea you had posted on Tuesday March 30/2010. If this is an issue I can forward my work to you so far for approval. I should point out that I do not agree with the underclass statement in that post, but do agree with the excessive use of “fuck”.
Sonic who you tryin to imitate? Montrealman? Not possible. He is the original, the one and only. You, my friend, are AGAIN an Imposter!
Oh, Gary More. Why am I bothering with a response. Thats right, I’m really not going to bother with you because your just NOT WORTH IT. Go back to the woods and stay there.
“Cockpuppet”
lols
PisP
Better than using a dirty sock I guess, no chance of atheletes foot being transferred to my balls.
Screaming Fields of Sonic Love
yeah sonic now that’s your posts, infantile, stupid, and cocky (and not in a good way). Pffftttt, trying to imitate Montrealman. hahahahhahahah you’re an asshole.
Oh, Gary More. I will debate any topic with any one on this site, except for you.
OP, you certainly don’t sound ‘dumb’ to me, your writing is lucid and well phrased. I don’t know if ‘dumb’ people get depressed as often as intelligent people. you might be feeling like any effort at all is like lifting your body with 100 pounds of weights hanging off you. that weight might be your depression. it does weigh a ton. and it hangs off you like giant leeches, sucking away your life and self esteem.
i think there are as many ‘helps’ are there are individuals, no one magic cure. free advice is what you pay for it, esp on an internet forum, but here’s mine. see your family/clinic doctor and describe how you feel. see if you can get a referral to a shrink. or a pyschologist/counsellor. if you have had this all your life, you really should be seeing a helper. and one advice i have to say though, is avoid a prescription for anti depressants unless ‘they’ really think it will save your life. those things are awful, many side effects and hideous to quit.
getting outside to walk around (in nature, not city) is a good idea. if you could find some large rocks to sit on, see the ocean, that can help ground you. and the air will help.
if you have cable/internet and can bombard yourself with comedies, works for some people simply like jump starting a car. your brain, the physical part, needs a jump start to get your happy wiring going again. depression is REAL and physical. if you can sit thru 5 funny movies still crying, but a laugh escapes you during the 6th, you’ve got something started. sometimes you have to re-train your brain to different paths, because the depression path gets very deeply rutted, and hard to get out of.
please let us know how you are doing.
Wog Dog
You got me thinking on a possible correlation between intelligence and depression. I’m going to have to say no. Unfortunately setting up a study for such a thing is immediately botched because I has been a well founded position in psychology that recordable intelligence levels will increase and decrease with one individual depending on self image. This is believed to be known by the studies done involving school children where (quite cruelly) kids were told as an experiment that blue eyed people were more intelligent that brown eyed people just to see how their marks changed, and sure enough the blue eyed kids grades increased while the brown eyed kids grades decreased. This adds for too many correlating variables for there to be an intelligible link for intelligence (in the sense of full potential for intelligence by the individual) and depression. There could be a correlation I just can’t see a reliable test to find out could be formulated.
Also it is important to note (I’m not saying you hold this position good dog molly) that if someone is a victim his or her intelligence levels are in no way relevant to the level of wrongfulness of what has happened to him or her.
For example, if a Professor believing me to be middle eastern, is disagreed by me on one of her feminist arguments, she cannot single me out and change the marking scheme for me so I will get a lower mark believing that I am less intelligent. That is, she can’t say “he’s dumb anyways so him not knowing what’s happening will make it morally insignificant for me to alter his mark despite the test scores. She will also have to at least see if ‘m agreeing with her conclusion and rejecting her argument to that conclusion as well.
This happens I KNOW!
Ah if only this professor was reading this right now. Are you there?…….?……… remember me from 2004?…….
Ooops I meant Good dog Molly, not wog dog.
OP I can relate.
I live alone,if I made a choice to stay home, I’d never leave using my own power.OP you have to force yourself to get out.
light therapy can be used as well. but an official light therapy device costs about $200 so I gots to thinking….
there are studies that show that students in full spectrum lighting perform better academically….
so here is what I recommend. Buy yourself a 12″ flourescent light, replace the bulb with a full spectrum bulb( one that is capable of growing plants) and place it in an area at work or at home where you spend several hours per day.
I don’t know if this will work, but if a staring into a $200 light therapy device works after 20 minutes, then a few hours with a lower intensity should be a good idea.
OP GV is right.I have one it does help me a bit.
Some drug stores rent SAD lamps.
Full spectrum bulbs can help if you haven’t a SAD lamp.You do have to use it in place of your regular light bulb.
FYI-If you acquire a SAD lamp in the beginning, you can over do it.You have slowly get used to it,or you will become anxious.Use it only in the mornings,or you won’t sleep.
It might not work if you have been diagnosed with clinical depression and not SAD.
It’s worth a try before the antidepressants.
hey daniel, mmmm i agree with the ‘recordable’ intelligence seesawing depending on self esteem/image at the moment of testing. makes perfect sense.
but i don’t think that is applicable to intelligence being a factor in depression.
it may also be interesting to look at the relationship (if any) between intelligence and the ability to disassociate, or even to split. this would be for those affected by trauma. it has seemed to me that those of lesser intelligence end up in the alley with a needle. perhaps their minds cannot disassociate enough to enable them to function day to day.
When I get depressed I listen to Chaka Khan and Kool & the Gang records. Maybe a little bit of MDMA too.
*sings ‘Cuz this is Biscuit’s night and I feel all right….’*
This will be the longest comment that I will ever post on this website. Maybe not.
hey op, forgot one thing. if you ever feel kind of ‘floaty’ there is something you can do to physically ‘ground’ yourself. it really works. stand with your legs about a foot apart. then imagine your feet are glued to the ground and you are trying to rip the ground apart between your feet, like an earthquake rips apart the earth. a chasm. make sure you don;t have slippery shoes on! you can do this quite unobtrusively, even standing in ine at the bank, or at a bus stop. as long as you don’t grunt, or make funny faces. put a lot of effort into it, really try to rip the earth asunder.
another method is to go to a corner of two walls. put one hand on each wall, at arms length, then try to push them as hard as you can. it’s an isometric resistance exercise.
these also work for approaching panic attacks, nasty things.
OP Another tip.
I started Qigong and I do find it’s helping a little with my depression.But being around some friends might be helping.
FYI It’s offered free in HRM through Cap. Health.
Your sense of self-loathing is your undoing OP. Punishing yourself by leaving yourself alone with your thoughts is entirely the wrong direction to take and I think you know that. Self-reflection is good but if the purpose is to re-confirm your negative thoughts and fears, no it isn’t.
I have dealt with depression, most people have to some degree, and for me the enemy of depression is physicality. Walks, runs, exercise, manual labour. It’s the last thing you feel like doing OP but do it. It changes the chemistry in the brain.
That’s one small step. Another step is obviously to see a doctor and discuss the severity of the situation. You can’t cure yourself by just thinking about it, extraordinary measures are needed.
I’m pretty sure I just hate the word intelligence.
CONSCIOUS ENERGY
That’s better. Less snooty. Society has raped the word intelligence.
It troubles me that “Qigong” is offered by Capitol “Health”.
Belief in invisible energies is religion, not medicine.
PisP
The teacher called it “Eastern medicine”. I didn’t join the class because of my depression.I’ll take whatever good it’s giving me. 🙂
It’s better than sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.
Good Dog Molly
There are plenty of highly intelligent people who have a lacking ability in focusing on what they want to think about. Intelligence being in a direct relationship with one’s ability to disassociate has it’s problems. There are plenty of highly intelligent people who have ADHD and find it difficult to focus because of constant thought distractions. If those thought distractions are bad depressing thoughts well you can see how intelligence won’t dictate what they are obsessing about. Throw a bit of OCD in there and well you see how it goes.
It is easy to say “we are talking about an average among people without these disorders”, but the percentage of the population with these types of conditions are too high.
Just think about how less depressed someone who forgets things easily would be. I don’t see intelligence as playing any ultimately deciding relationship with depression.
Smoking way too much weed. That will do it.
Clearification:
Just because someone forgets things easily DOES NOT mean they are necessarily less intelligent I was hinting at other situations causing less depression. People can forget easily even if they daydream more often;). Not always though.
“It troubles me that ‘Qigong’ is offered by Capitol Health”
It troubles me that Jar Jar was made a Senator.
WTF is happening to our Republic?
“Just because someone forgets things easily DOES NOT mean they are necessarily less intelligent” – Yeah! The Captain forgets things all the time, and he’s… well…..
nevermind actually
“I remember every single fucking thing I know”- The Tragically Hip.
Depending on my stress levels,my memory can be great or poor. Once I chill out my memory comes back…Loss of ones memory in of itself,is stressful.
Cap. is right there’s reasons other than stupidity, that would account for memory loss. 🙂
Sorry for going off topic.
I owe someone a huge apology for my treating her badly.I expected too much of her and I became a childish DUMBASS .She was trying to help me for which I am grateful.She did not deserve my childish shit when her own family were in need of her precious time.
I am a better person for having known you.
Steve what song is that line from?I like TH.
I just “got” that.
I can be pretty fucking slow at times.
Shoot,I forgot my sense of humour.
Hundredth meridian, I believe.
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It troubles me that Jar Jar was made a Senator.
WTF is happening to our Republic?
report 6 likes, 2 dislikes
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We got some Jar Jarheads here, I think.
PisP
*I am very sorry to you as well for my bad behavior and insults neither of you deserved.*
I felt in the dark about my position in the situation.I was angry,hurt and unfairly lashed out.
I chilled out and realized I was acting like an immature,overly needy middle aged woman and dumbass. I don’t expect anything in return but you deserve an apology.
Boru, who are you apologizing to? Just curious.
——-
*I am very sorry to you as well for my bad behavior and insults neither of you deserved.*
——-
And was that sentence a quote that you were commenting on, B? You write posts that seem to not be related to any other posts, and I can’t find that as a quote in the thread anywhere.
My head hurts.
PisP
And for fuck’s sake, please stop talking about yourself like this: “immature,overly needy middle aged woman and dumbass”. It sounds like you’re trying to convince everyone that’s what you are. It makes people uncomfortable to watch someone try and assassinate themselves in public.
And DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR DOING IT. Just try to cut yourself a break, for once.
PisP
I mean you no disrespect TTFN,I don’t want to say.
I did enough to them.
I don’t like airing this here,I have no other way of contacting them.
lesson learned.
No worries, Boru. We all do and say shit we’re sorry for afterwards – it’s part of the human condition and you don’t need to explain any further. 🙂
put your energy into someone or something other than yourself.
I don’t mean that in a rude way at all. You’re clearly very internal. Time to look around and see what the rest of the world has to offer. I’m not sure if you’re young, middle aged or old. But regardless, if you’re not old yet, you’re soon gonna be and my guess is it’s not half as fun as this age is. So get out of yourself. Focus on other people and the world around you.
It’s the only way.
“””The rapid advancement of scientific and medical understanding in the 19th and 20th centuries led to the development of improved health, causing the human population to rise exponentially. Thereby ensuring natural selection and survival of the fittest genes would no longer be relevant to the survival of our species. Meaning that any species can continue passing on the undesirable traits of heredity.””
Firstly, Darwin never wrote this, or anything like it. Nor did he ever use the phrase “survival of the fittest”. What is your source for this??
Secondly, it is not true. While MAN has reached a level of technology that allow previously “undesirable” traits perhaps to be passed on, other “species” clearly have not.
It may not be “natural” that Southern US leaping frogs were introduced to Australia in the 1930’s, but there is no doubt that natural selection continues unabated, as an example. In fact, as NGM points out, the adaptation of longer legs and the boldness to make its way to the front of the migrating population has shown measurable differences between the leaders of the migration, and those staying behind.
So, no, “any species can continue passing on undesirable traits” (due to “the rapid advancement of scientific and medical understanding”) is a complete nonsense. What’s your source, please?
Nor is it true (not that you’ve said it) that Homo sapiens is no longer evolving. You’re damn right we are. All species on earth are subject to evolution. What we are LESS subject to, is natural selection, true. In fact, when I look at the folks that are having the most reproductive success, e.g the highly religious (19 and counting), and the poor, I would suggest that we ARE indeed evolving – backwards.
BTW, all the “scientific and medical” advancements of the 19th and 20th century did far less to improve the human infant mortality rate than one OTHER thing – learning not to shit where we eat.
Good hygiene, proper sewers and the resulting clean water has done far more to increase our life expectancies than any bogus pharmaceutical ever did.
baD mR FrosTy; Did I say Charles Darwin wrote that? NO!! I quoted his teachings at the beginning of my post, then quoted myself for the last half from a paper I had written a few years ago. Stop being so angry and reading comprehension will be easier. Nowhere did I say we are no longer evolving…. Whats your reference for that? You then say “While MAN has reached a level of technology that allow previously “undesirable” traits perhaps to be passed on, other “species” clearly have not.” I agree with this, and is part of my original post, the one thats about humans, NOT OTHER SPECIES! If you do not agree with what I said, stick to facts and don’t make up an argument that vents your views and tries to discredit mine. So now, in your words, what led the exponential rise in human population in the 19th and 20th century? On that note, humans have known about not shitting where they eat for quite awhile, see the Roman Empire for evidence. I look forward to your reply.
PS- “Meaning that any species can continue passing on the undesirable traits of heredity.” Should have read “Meaning that “OUR” species can continue passing on the undesirable traits of heredity.” Sorry about the typo, thanks for noticing, but the post was about humans. Please do not take things out of context.
Please correct me if I misunderstand.
Mr FRosty or Sonic Love is suggesting that depression and other mental illnesses and disorders which can lead to suicide is “Darwin’s Law”?What about Cancer,Arthritis,Ms,ALS…?
How about the people”murderers” who are aware of a persons’ mental state but still push them to the limits, so that they have no choice in their minds but,to commit suicide?I referred to them as “murderers” because that is what they are.
Mr Frosty
A depletion of 200 years of natural selection is nowhere close to any period of time enough to effect the evolution of human genes. This is known because of the relationship between active and non active genes.
This is widely held, am i the only person on this thread who knew this?
Also depression is believed to cause the person depressed to move around less and thus eat less food(instinct given circumstances). Suicide might be connected to it but I really recommend that many of you study evolutionary psychology because there are behaviors that are accidents and are neither here nor there in terms of having been adapted via evolutionary weight. Suicide is DEFINITELY counter adaptive to rearing and producing young so I doubt it would have much evolutionary weight aside from allowing for more food for others to eat. Strangely depressed people usually have plenty of food and sometimes kids so I’m going to have to go with Boru’s objection.
“”baD mR FrosTy; Did I say Charles Darwin wrote that? NO!! I quoted his teachings at the beginning of my post, then quoted myself “” Like I said, Darwin wouldn’t written that. We are in agreement then.
If you, as you admit, mispoke when you made this statement: : “”Meaning that ANY species can continue passing on the undesirable traits of heredity””
Why not just admit that from the start rather than retirting with the unecessarily ad hominem: “”If you do not agree with what I said, stick to facts and don’t make up an argument that vents your views and tries to discredit mine. “”
You mispoke, our if you prefer, made a “typo” although a rather large one, IMO, and so no-one, least of all ME was “venting”…as written, your statement was nonsensical.
“”So now, in your words, what led the exponential rise in human population in the 19th and 20th century?””
The rise of the industrial revolution, that’s what, and the mass migrations from the self-sustaining agrarian and barter-based societies in the countrysides, to more urban ones more based on an “economy”. Plus not all areas of the world HAD a population boom during that period. Primarily Europe and the colonies. But, suddenly, there was something for the OTHER sons that WEREN’T going to inherit the farm/family business to DO. Move to the cities and work the Satanic Mills. And reproduce.
Interestingly, a recent NGM had a great article about some evolutionary biologists that have proposed that the same set of genes that make people want to be “pioneers” and head out into the great unknown for opportunity, ALSO semed to have encouraged great differential reproductive success. Maybe those long winter nights crossing the prairies in a wagon train, who knows. Not sure how relevent that is, if at all, but it’s a great issue. A special edition called “Why we Explore”.
Back to your Malthusian explosion:
And, as I said, another cause, far more important than “medical knowledge” wgich remained quackery and bone-setting for the most part throughout this time, was the advent of proper sanitation. And yes, you are correct, the Romans had the right idea…and then the knowledge was, apparently, lost. We call that period the Dark Ages for a reason.
My phrase “not shitting where we eat” is a silly one, but it makes a point, albeit with a blunt tool…the actual truth is far more subtle. Shit stinks and so we have dumped it for eons, that’s correct. Only sometimes there were folks living downriver, lol…This continues on to this very day sadly. Diarrhea casued by poor sanitation is still one of the top killers of children in the developing world. So we’re not as smart as you think I guess.
“What have the Romans ever done for US??” -Python.
You can SAY that sanitation was understood “for quite a while” all you want, but it is simply not the case, even in the west. Have you heard of Florence Nightingale?
“”Mr FRosty or Sonic Love is suggesting that depression and other mental illnesses and disorders which can lead to suicide is “Darwin’s Law”?What about Cancer,Arthritis,Ms,ALS…?”” Wasn’t me, things like “survival of the fittest” and “Darwin’s law” are not part of my vocabulary! Sounds more like Herr Goebbels to me, lol! That sounds more like someone who is confusing “Darwinism” with SOCIAL Darwinism…too entirely different beasts…the former used by scientists, the latter by Hitler et al…
But I WILL point out that in earlier times, say, between our most recent exodus from Africa now thought to be about 70,000 years ago…between that and the advent of agriculture and the domestication of plants and animals, say, about 10-15,000 years ago… …anyone born with a club foot, missing limb, etc would have been euthanized.
The fossil and acrcheological record backs this up.
What chance would a legless child have in a hunter-gatherer society after all? It’s not cruelty – cruelty would be trying to prolong their lives only to the detriment of the tribe or group. Cancer, ALS and other unfortunate situations would likely have led to the same thing…although if the person was considered a wise old crone, or a tribal chief etc etc…perhaps some accomodation would be made. But as hunter-gatherers, we really DIDN’T have the choices we did, even 10,000 years ago when domestication of plants and animals allowed us to stay in one place – plus it allowed SOME people to find other things to specialize in besides searching for food: mystic/healer/storyteller/crone etc…
Before then…on the iceberg with you, sorry…
“””Mr Frosty A depletion of 200 years of natural selection is nowhere close to any period of time enough to effect the evolution of human genes. “””
Why are you addressing this to ME??
When I say that man’s use of “technology” has all but eliminated natural selection, I am not speaking of your iPhone, firearms or even Guttenburg’s printing press, lol – By ‘technology” I mean everything from the throwing stick and the bow and arrow, to the plow, to the fishhook first used tens of thousands of years ago, and so on… THOSE things are considered to be “technology” when discussing the ascent of man.
…and Daniel, although you are of course correct that 200 years is not enough time for the ENTIRE human population to undergo significant (or ANY, really)genetic drift/evolution etc…it IS enough time for a small isolated group or population to do so. Witness many of the descendants of the Bounty mutineers that had red curly hair on Pitcairn island, for one example off the top off my head – there are many others. But like almost all evolution, they involve a sudden geographical isolation, and many generations – although less are necessary if the population is small. Not all traits that are selected for are advantageous in any physical way….and some is just “genetic drift”…In fact, a peacock’s tail is metabolically expensive and a nuisance – like being a ginger, hahaha…
Mr Frosty
I see your point. But in our hope…
There is an entire part of one’s genetic code that stays dormant. Identical twins have the same active and non active genes while regular siblings have different non active and active genes while, like the twins they share the same genes.
I’m pretty sure you thought that by non active genes I meant memes or something like that. Anyways not all the genes you carry are active in your physical make up. You have the code for a you with longer legs ans so forth; as does your mate. The genetic code has a massive back up system for variety this has been known for decades.
Also we are in a unique position (among other large brain creatures) given the genetic code of our brains and how that interacts with evolution, complicated sex selection as well as flat out possible effect layering scenarios.
Furthermore,
Can you not see that there a significant environmental evolution engines 200years+ ago regardless of the fact that we had forms of technology back then? Am I phone has more implications than an axe in terms of behavioral differences given the uses of the object.
BaD mR FrosTy; I am glad to see that I am not the only one that suffers from masturbatory outputs, its fun eh? I really lost the point of your ramblings, so next time just click “dislike”. I had also said in my original post (the one you misread the quotation marks in), “Any arguments can be sent to the late Charles Darwin’s estate, I am merely his puppet spreading his teachings and cannot be held accountable for his work, ideas or his contributions to the world.” I also subscribe to numerous Geographic publications, I am proud of you for that. Do you only read the one Geographic?
PS- Sorry again about the typo, but don’t take things out of context.
Daniel Abraham; Well put, I enjoy your posts.
Dan. “There is an entire part of one’s genetic code that stays dormant. Identical twins have the same active and non active genes while regular siblings have different non active and active genes while, like the twins they share the same gene.”
Nature or nurture.It can be the different experiences in life that can play a big role in whether one identical twin ends up with a mental ill. or dis. and the other not.
The larger number of suicides is more of a social problem than Darwinism.
Boru
Assuming that you aren’t just reinforcing part of what i was arguing, the social causes were covered when I used the word “memes” which means information that is passed on that is outside of genetic code, is evolutionarily significant, and becomes too complicated in relation to the genetic code to be intelligible; ie the media (social) construct that a man needs a car to have a woman.