I caught you Fuck-Face! The jerk-off in the blue car on the corner of Spring and Queen around 2pm Monday. I noticed your jacket half-off, covering your probable hard-on, while conspicuously pumping your left shoulder. You probably used your left hand to feel like someone else was doing it, eh? Ludicrous. If I catch you again shifting your proverbial gear stick, I wont make the mistake looking for the rent-a-cop. Yah, you saw him first and drove off, didnt you? I pray to Satan your tranny drops out.
—2 Furious
This article appears in Mar 5-11, 2009.
I’m not really sure why you’d be mad at some random stranger jerking off in their own car.
I’m more concerned that they would need to actually need to watch them for a period of time to actually ascertain what was going on. Hmm…. Jealous maybe?
People have public sex with themselves and others all the time, more than the average prude would like to think. Compared to some of the things I’ve witnessed, this guy is a gentleman. Lots of people get off on public sex, and most, like this guy, are discreet about it. It’s a fairly vanilla fetish, hardly perverted. The risk of getting caught can be thrilling, or even just being in some place other than your home. Most people don’t actually get caught or intend to get caught, unless they are into exhibitionism, which this man clearly is not.
And what’s ludicrous about using your left hand, or pretending someone else is doing it?
Jeeze. Take the stick out of your ass, and then put it back in, and repeat. God forbid you might actually enjoy it.
I don’t see the appeal of public sex. But whatever gets you off gets you off. As long as you’re being discreet about it I couldn’t care less. If I ever actually stumbled across the deed I’d find it funny, and feel a little sorry for their bad luck. That’s the risk you take I guess.
Masterbation is not perverted and neither is doing it in the car. Funny how people come to that “perv” conclusion right away. As with anything, isn’t it all about the motive or intention? Likely that he just wanted to get off and didn’t care about where he was. He may have made a bad judgement about where he parked. I could understand you being furious if he was in a school parking lot, but you didn’t say that. If you thought it was indecent exposer or he was around children you should have reported him or jotted down his license plate. Why you were so furious, one can only guess.
Man your sex life must be booooring.
I dunno, #@%*, I can’t imagine someone who’s not into the public thing jacking off in a car on a street. More likely they’d at the very least find a deserted bathroom somewhere.
Nanners,
“I dunno, #@%*, I can’t imagine someone who’s not into the public thing jacking off in a car on a street. More likely they’d at the very least find a deserted bathroom somewhere.”
You must have meant not to put the “not” in that sentence. I suspect there isn’t a spot in the city that hasn’t been greased. That’s why we should always wash our hands.
No, I said exactly what I meant. Let’s try again:
If someone isn’t into the thrill of public sex I can’t see them jacking off in a car on the side of a road.
Is that clearer?
Those spots have been greased by people who are into public sex and people who can’t afford cars to jack off in.
I think he means to say this:
If you’re into public sex, you’ll pull it in a car on the side of a street. No sweat.
If you’re not into public sex, you won’t. Because that’s weird, unless you’re into it.
…because you said that he probably just wanted to get off wherever and made a bad judgment or something.
But I have to agree with Nanners. I’d have to be trapped in that car for at least a month before I’d jack off in it in broad daylight.
Wuz he cute?
Yes this is clearer.
So you are saying that anyone who jacks off in a car on the side of a road is into the thrill of public sex. This could be.
Anyone out there with personal experience? Could there be any other reasons for wacking off in a car on the side of a road?
If you catch him again, just knock on the passenger window, wave and walk away laughing.
I like TTFN’s idea.
TTFN always has good ideas.
#@%*, I say we have a contest.
Whoever can come up with the most ridiculous reason for jacking off in a car on the side of the road wins.
I’d like to nominate TTFN as the judge. TTFN, what say you?
2 Furious here. Im all for jacking off. I’m even doing it right now – in the privacy of my own home. Not on Spring Garden Road.
Please pick up a dicitionary #@%*. Perverted: Deviating from what is considered right and correct. I think what he did was wrong. And maybe I did write down his number and report him. One can only guess.
But I will admit I didnt. It happened 2 fast and I was only kinda mad, but what I thought was a clever pun of 2Fast2Furious turns out to make me look like a boring average prude…
Now if you’ll exscue me, I’m going to run around the public gardens and get my dendrophilia on. I love sticks!
was that on the starbucks corner? or in the lot on dal’s sexton campus… cause perhaps he saw the sign and got the wrong idea.
I don’t really think people should be flogging the dolphin or taming the shrew in public… but I don’t think there’s something perverted with the act either. More inconsiderate than anything.
Maybe he jsu had a really hot date and wanted to prepare himself before hand (pun intended). You never know, maybe he’s a little premature and wated to amke sure he wasn’t that night.
Or maybe he was afraid that his level of horniness was such that it would intefere with his driving skills, and so he made the responsible decision of pumping his own peddle before pumping the gas peddle in order to preform his civic duty to protect fellow drivers and pedestrians from any possibility of accident or injury caused by his distracting horniness!
are we now defending him?
not where I saw this thread going….
but ok.
Maybe he was thinking of killing someone and just needed that rush of adrenaline or serotonin to calm him down.
Maybe he was an alien and that was his receiver to the mothership but the batteries were low so he was shaking it….rigorously.
Maybe he was an athlete just training in his spare time for the whacking olympics….
Seriously zZz… why should I NOT defend the wanker? He’s done nothing wrong. It’s not like he was out exposing himself to the world. He was in HIS car. (at least I hope it was his seeing as he drove off in it) He had every right to wank himself in it if he wants to. Am I supposed to shut myself within the privacy of my own home? You’re leading me to think you’re some sort of prude. Honestly doing things in public is exhilerating, I know I’ve done a few things with people in the car myself. What’s the harm in having a little fun? It’s not like there were kids around.
I’m an impressionable 12 year old sitting on the bus listening to my (yes, I’ll say it) walkman when I look down and see the guy in the car stopped next to the bus is jerking his 11″ penis. He would have had to look up to see that he had been caught by a child. I had to digest what I was seeing, it shocked me a little bit but the worst thing that came from that, honestly, was a sound and serious expectation that all men had 11″ penises.
Now, where’s my prize?
I like the ZzZ’s alien one personally.
They contest was to come up with the most ridiculous reason to be jacking off in a car on the side of the road, kay, not to come up with the hottest kiddie porn.
kiddie porn, uhhh right…. why do you try so hard to be a jerk off, FunkMonkey?
You don’t think making young girls believe all men have large penises is ridiculous and funny given the true circumstances of the common penis? And this is a true story. I should win 😛
Was it a sexy car?
But, nothing in your story actually told WHY he was jackin off in his car, that was his point.
At least now we know why kay’s so hung up on little girls and older men in sexual situations.
No, I don’t think making little girls believe that all men have large penises is funny at all. I think it’s creepy.
You get the creepiest story prize.
maybe his viagra kicked in early and he couldn’t make it home
Maybe he was just cleaning it, you’re not against cleanliness are you!?
For what it’s worth, country_girl, there were babies around. Babies!
And there is harm for lewd behaviour in public places. The Long Arm of the Law could have jacked him out of the car and made him spread his shit (the proverbial kind).
One would think if you were into that sort of thing, your technique would be refined enough to avoid detection – maybe going to quieter streets to work out the kinks or something. I mean, jacket half-on, “pumping” the left shoulder? These seem like amateur moves…
i’m fine with it if the dude is at least hiding under the seat.
I’m going to ignore Kay and the usual explanations to catch her up that follow…
country_girl…you make an interesting point but your property sitting in public isn’t quite the same as your dwelling. If it were, then smoking couldn’t have been banned in your own car with a kid present. There is a distinction (which I kinda don’t agree with which is why I’m torn). I don’t think I’m a prude… though I certainly could name a few…. mmmmmmm-Kay
Why the fuck are you looking into the guy’s car. leave him be, he isn’t hurting himself, and if he paid for the meter, he can do whatever he likes.
I didnt have to look into his car. It was that obvious. Could he also of jizzed out his window if he’d liked? No, because there was no meter.