I don’t like trying to find someone to date at a bar, its just not my thing. So I tried a popular and free website looking for the chance to find someone I can hang out with, get to know. Well that has just turned into a HELL. I have grown to hate this site…there is only a bunch of horny ass guys looking to get some, fast and now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a straight edge but whatever happen to having some good ol conversation before talk of “are you into…” or can I put it…” that occurs within the first 2 minutes after asking “So what do you do?” Sigh! I need another option.
—tired of fishing
This article appears in Sep 10-16, 2009.
so,this is why you should hang out here then. all kind of intelligent comments from SOME of the posters. got luck getting to talk these days. most guys just want to bone you right where you stand.me,i settle for the hello first,and whatever comes next.HELLO?
Speaking as someone who used the site successfully and knows what females go through on that site, I will say that there are decent guys on that site, even if it doesn’t seem like it. Some will be upfront and message first, but there are some who are afraid of being too forward with a lady. The trick is to message if it seems good, and be patient.
Good luck.
I’ve never tried a ‘site’ yet. I have visited them & found them (imo) to be like a meat market.
While I like my privacy & living alone doesn’t bother me at all, I still like having friends, having a bed buddy is nice as well. Even if it is actually hard to do, or at least have it continue over any amount of time (in my experience).
What ended up working for me is, I just didn’t bother looking anymore. Not at bars, not anywhere, & I met someone who came out of a unpleasant experience herself & felt somewhat the same way I did. Who really wanted to preserve their independance & never get financially & emotionally destroyed by the actions of a supposed ‘loved one’ again.
Sometimes ‘shit’ really does just happen, what my friend has told me is that, whenever she saw me at a local bar or at mutual friends homes or get togethers, I never showed any real interest in her. That I was friendly , polite, just like I was to everyone else ( & why wouldn’t I be, these are, in most cases, friends I’ve had for years) but I never came on to her , singled her out for special interest…just treated her as one of the group.
But in doing so, somehow I attracted her interest simply by being myself .
Maybe try slowing down, chances are if all anyone wants to know about you is if your open to this or that sexual idea, all they really see you as ,is a convienient cum receptacle . While i’m not going to criticise or condone one night stands, I’ve had several myself… I do empathize with your problem, good luck.
Believe me OP, POF can be just as bad for guys as girls. 90% of the guys on there are looking for poon and 90% of the girls are looking for sugar daddies. If you don’t look like a Calvin Klein underwear model and make mad $$$, good luck getting any responses from women. At least the guys on there are straight forward enough to say they’re looking for ass. Every girl is looking for “an honest, sweet, funny guy who will respect me” which translates into “a sugar daddy who looks like David Beckham”.
The good, datable people don’t meet their BF/GF in bars. Or on POF. They meet them through connections with friends, coworkers, etc. Bars are for getting a quick f_ck, and online is for the uglies who can’t get a quick f_ck.
I met my boyfriend on POF and couldn’t be happier. That being said, I met a lot of losers on there too – particularly ones that had 3 kids, didn’t have a job and were living in yarmouth or some godforsaken town. Before POF, I had been through a lot of short relationships, mostly meeting guys through friends.
Online dating isn’t for everyone, but when you’re fed up with the regular dating scene it’s a good place to try. On the flip side, if POF isn’t for you, maybe it’s time to try meeting people the old fashioned way again. Either way, it’s not easy, and I wish you lots of luck OP.
I browsed that website, almost all the girls were “a few extra pounds” you see their pictures and it was like FATTY FATTY BOOM BOOM
Me and my long term bf are both good looking and we met on POF. Its not only losers or whatevs. You have to sift thru the pigs but there are nice ones out there.
Back in the ‘good old days’ when marriage before sex was in vogue this dynamic of men expecting sex on the first date did not exist. It may have been old-fashioned compared to today’s lack of standards but at least people respected each other and themselves a little more. One night stands are fleeting and meaningless. Quality over quantity leads to the high road.
Bars and online dating services aren’t the only options out there, OP. Try getting involved in some group activities that interest you: adult ed classes, outdoor groups, book clubs, coed sports teams, volunteering, etc. You’re then guaranteed to be surrounded by people you have at least something in common with, and even if you don’t meet someone you want to date, you’re expanding your social group, which thereby increases your chances of meeting a decent guy through your friends.
Honestly, I’ve never had any luck with traditional dating practices. Pretty much every relationship I’ve had has been the result of meeting someone through friends, work, etc and just hanging out and getting to know each other first. I’ve been on very few dates with someone I just met, and it’s always been the most painfully awkward thing in the world, even if I like the person. Too contrived, too much pressure, ugh, blah – I’d way rather just hang out in a group where there are no expectations and I can just relax and be myself.
Getting to know someone in the context of a date is tough because “dates” come with expectations. It’s always better when I can get to know someone as a friend first and then the attraction develops out of that. I think when you aren’t trying to make an impression your are obviously more yourself and you are more likely to get the attention of someone interested in the real you and not the “date” you. Those are more likely to foster long term, no-nonsense relationships. It’s not likely to get you laid right away, so it’s not for everyone.
I met my gf on POF and get this… she’s cute and hornier than I am! Neither of us is rich and both of us work for our own money. Also, she lives just across the street from me. Crazy. You can tell within the first 2 or 3 messages if the person is worth talking to. She messaged me first on the first day I signed up after being off that site for a bit. And I didn’t even have a pic up. I weeded out a lot of dumb girls to find her. The key is patience.
And yes, I’m actually a dude that wasn’t looking just to get laid. Shocking, I know.
Oh and we had every intention of being just friends at first. I even told her I wasn’t looking for anything serious, whatever happens, happens.
She made a move about a week later lol.
Never Wrong is right. That site is designed for schmuk males and pretentious/neurotic females who need yet ANOTHER profile site on top of their FB, MySpace, blogs and Twitter.
I know some people who’ve used POF and gotten plenty of replies from people who were the exact opposite of who they stated they were looking for, i.e. wrong gender, married, etc. Maybe you’d have more luck on a pay site?
I like checking out POF to find people I know in real life on there and seeing what lies they make up about themselves.
My husband and met on-line. Neither of us was into the bar scene and we found the web site was a good way to weed though the chaffe. I don’t rmember the name of it, but this particular site allowed members to select physical traits, smoking/drinking or non, religious beliefs and a bunch of other stuff. We knew we had lots in common before we ever met. It can work, but people need to be honest with themselves…and others. We’ve been together ten years and couldn’t be happier.
Yorkke: that ALWAYS makes me LOL when I browse the female profiles and see the HUGEST women advertising themselves as having “a few extra pounds” or even “average” (although these days obesity is fast becoming the “average”).
I mean if I went on POF, I wouldn’t pretend that I’m some skinny bitch or anything, because I’m not. Most girls are just trying to convince themselves they’re not as fat as they are — like how there’s seemingly an abundance of muffin tops out there these days: girls trying to squeeze a sized 14 ass into a size 8 jeans so they can say they’re a size 8. Uh, no dice, fatso. (and yes I realise size 14 is not really that fat or fat at all for some body types so before you fucking flame me… :P)
Also, I got stood up by a guy from POF once. It made me super sad. And this one guy — a grade 8 TEACHER kept pestering me to show him my tits on webcam when I added him to msn (he sounded like a nice guy in his POF msgs). When he realized I wasn’t going to, he blocked and deleted me. Unfortunately he’s the norm on that site.
And what NGF said.
I know from a certain someone that there are a lot of cougar hunters on dating sites (yes, even the pay ones), among other sickos. But really, it’s just like cruising bars in real life. Most are douches and shit will happen, but with patience and a good eye, you can find someone who might actually like you for who you are, male or female. Would I go online again if I were single, absolutely. Besides, those same guys who are asking to stick it in orifices you didn’t know existed now might be perfect gentlemen in 5 years when they realize it gets them further.
What I love are the ones who write absolutely NOTHING about themselves but expect interested mailers to provide a fucking book outlining your entire life and crap to them. And how is anybody supposed to know your interests (could help with an intro message) without any info?
Some great double standards on that site.
Posts like this make me glad I have been married for 19 years and don’t have to go through this horseshirt anymore. I can’t believe how much men have changed since I was a teenager. Girls give it up way to easy these days and now every guy expects it on the first date.
Sorry, I meant “Horseshit”.