I wait everyday. I want to scream, …I do. I want to smash the computer… I did. I have no idea what I’m waiting for. It just keeps ticking away and I keep watching it tick. All the wasted shit thats ripping around my skull is driving me nuts. Who’s really living? I’m realizing that I’m living and I’m disappointed with it. The stars are still above me but its not the same as before. I want to go to war. I need to struggle to keep alive to have any purpose of being here other then consuming everything around me and shitting it out. bitching with an ipod on. Cradle to Cradle, right now I’m nothing but a waster. I need to burn my fuel. Step by Step, I’ll burn it all.
This article appears in Jun 12-18, 2008.
Most people experience your kind of apathy. What’s it all about? If the greatest minds of humankind couldn’t figure it out, I’m sure as hell not going to try. You really need to rechannel that rage into something that’s not going to end up with you doing five to ten. Get some professional help, man. Soon.
waste… You need to channel your anger… You are very lucky to have this outlet, because others with your writing ability, regrettably do not have the chance to be heard OR read… YOU have the energy… Its YOUR choice to waste it or not.. Step by Step its ALL up to you… Don’t disappoint..
A friend of mine once said that to me, he was the same way, always struggleing, didn’t see any point to life, all I could say to him was don’t look at it like your wasting time, or wasting anything, and if you feel like your wasting time, stop wasting it, get out and experience life, their are alot of great things out there! I know it sounds so cliche, but for real, get out there, be happy there are alot of beautiful great things that will make you smile, don’t focus on the negative!
Your voice, your power in your writing tells me you have a fighting spirit ready and wanting to experience the world, you just need some direction. That’s okay. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep searching for that thing that you’re excited & passionate about. Keep being grateful that you’re waking up in Halifax instead of Burma. And oneday you’ll wake up excited about life, and look back on this post barey remembering that you ever felt this way.
Am I the only person who thinks this poster is a self absorbed, self indulgent, navel gazing emo twit?
To be honest, Miranda, I agree with your comment. When I think about people who have real life challenges to deal with, OP does come across as a bad-tempered, spoiled little brat who needs a good kick in the ass.
I have to comment on this one. I DO think the OP is pretty much wallowing and needs a kick in the butt.BUT, and this is a big BUT, I have come to believe that there is a lot more to people’s depression than just feeling sorry for themselves or being pathetic.We live in a society where we have jobs that seem completely removed from any real effect on the world. We are surrounded by thousands of other people every day, yet are in many ways completely isolated. We type memos and crunch numbers and take phone calls and all that information floats off into the void and we wonder if it ever actually reaches anyone else or has any impact whatsoever. We are connected by email, telephone, internet, etc etc yet we have little real connection to our communities or to other people.All of our basic needs are met – food, clothing, shelter, maybe a partner or two, and some kids, but our higher needs – purpose, meaning, whatever – are bygones. We don’t make shoes for the neighbor’s horses, we don’t grow food for the local market, we don’t attend to the mortgages of the people down the street, we don’t nurse the people we have known all our lives and mean anything to us.We do everything en masse, and for increasingly distant “customers”. We feel like it’s all just part of a big machine that really doesn’t need us to keep working. Many people deal with this by adding meaning to their private lives through family or through volunteer work, by involvement in sports, or clubs, etc. If we’re lucky we even manage to choose careers that have meaning to us and make us feel we are truly contributing. But most of us don’t. Particularly for introverts (which is not a personality flaw that can be fixed; it’s a deep part of some psyches), a lot of these options seem closed off. We go with the flow, get pushed along by the crowd, and never feel any real excitement about all this stuff around us that doesn’t seem to mean anything.I’m glad I’m not one of those people, but I do feel like I understand them, and some of the reasons why they are so lost. Our post-industrial world is just not very conducive to feeling excited about life when everything seems like an artificial construct that just doesn’t matter.Depression is not much more than the brains response to isolation, disconnection, and plain ole boredom.Nothing new here, of course – a million philosophers and philosopher wannabes have said all this better than I have – but perhaps some food for thought…
I’m not sure whether the OP needs anger management or tranquilizers. Puff a doobie, chill, grap a bag of Doritos and enjoy the ride.
waste, I think I’ve almost burned up all of my fuel. Let me know if you want help burning up yours.
what the fuck are you talking about, you fucking pyromaniac