Q My boyfriend and I are straight college students, and he’s always wanting to try new things. Recently, he asked to put a finger in my ass while we were having sex. Someone did that to me before, but it felt uncomfortable and it kinda hurt. I told my boyfriend that he could do it […]
Savage Love
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“No more than 10 times a day”
Q Longtime reader, first-time mailer. A long while ago, you wrote an incredible piece of general advice for teenage boys. The advice was so excellent that I clipped it out to keep in case I ever had a son. Well, years later, I have a son. But I have since moved a gazillion times and […]
Posted inLifestyle
Porn stashes are not in the garage
Q My boyfriend and I have “history.” We dated casually and weren’t ready to stop seeing other people, so we had an open relationship. This phase was awful: lots of fights, a couple of minor breakups and eventually I called it quits for good, cutting off all contact. A month later, we started talking again […]
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Free pass for porn! For all!
Q Ever since hearing you say on your podcast that all men use porn, I have had a burning question: What about us women? If all men get a pass to have this whole other sex life, which is (mostly) external to their partnerships and is sexually satisfying, then I think all women should have […]
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Had me at screwdriver fight
Q My partner spends a good deal of time seeking out pictures of very young girls to masturbate to. Nothing illegal, he says, but still… He admits to having a 20-year-plus addiction to porn, and with that particular addiction, he says, comes the need to continue upping the taboo factor in order to get off. […]
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Returned to sender
Q My boss lives and works in a different city, but most of her mail arrives at my office because it is the company’s official address. I routinely open mail and packages addressed to her. Usually they contain documents for me to handle or software for me to install, but today I opened a package […]
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The prehistory of sex
Q My husband of eight years confessed to wanting to watch me with another man. I asked if he meant it. He said yes. I asked if he wanted me to set it up. He said yes. I found a guy, and he agreed to a full STD screening—at my husband’s suggestion and our expense—so […]
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In bed with my father-in-law
Q I am a married guy in my 50s. My wife and I do some role-playing where I am “Ted,” her real-life father. In her script, I yell at my “bad daughter” (my wife) over some infraction and send her to her room. Later on, I sneak in and tell her that she could “make […]
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Deal with your genital fear
Q My friend is a gay-identified FTM. He’s hot, he’s cute and above the waist, you would never guess what he’s got down below. We love to kiss and cuddle, and from my end, his blowjobs are great. The problem is that I have no idea how to reciprocate. He isn’t into anal (why would […]
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Ways to flip your off-switch on
Q I’m a woman in my 20s, and I’ve been dating the love of my life for two years now. We are incredibly happy except for—guess!—we have different sex drives. When we first started dating, I initiated sex all the time and enjoyed it, but as soon as I started on birth control, my libido […]
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Ex’s bullshit is sopping wet
Q My husband was 28 when I met him and a virgin. When we started having sex, he opened up about being “different.” He wanted to wear panties, he wanted me to have sex with other men, he wanted me to make fun of his tiny penis. Didn’t love the stuff, but whatever. Now it’s […]
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Sex-negative bullshit
Q I’m a straight male college student in a relationship which had been going great. The only incongruity was that, for a religious reason, I don’t want to have penetrative vaginal sex before marriage. I’m up for anything else—I would eat her out, piss on her—but not vaginal sex. I made this clear at the […]