Jacob Boon

A heartfelt road trip where everyone dies, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World offers a poignant take on armageddon. Plans to stop an asteroid have failed, leaving humanity with three weeks to embrace its worst impulses before impact. His friends shoot heroin at drunken orgies, but Dodge (a sullen Steve Carrell) prefers […]

With a title like Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, one might expect a tongue-in-cheek movie, obsessed with its own one-joke irony. Refreshingly, and confusingly, director Timur Bekmambetov (Wanted) treats the absurd premise with intense seriousness. Not that that makes it a good movie or anything. Based on the same-titled novel by screenwriter Seth Grahame-Smith, AL:VK follows […]

On one hand, Rock of Ages presents painfully lifeless covers of Journey. On the other hand, Tom Cruise sings into a woman’s butt. Little more than a feature-length Glee, this hair metal musical finds a small town girl, who was living in a lonely world, moving to LA to become a singer. Naturally, she falls […]

An asymmetrical movie from David Cronenberg and starring Twilight‘s Robert Pattinson, Cosmopolis should be the movie you see next. Adapted from the 2003 Don DeLillo novel, Cosmopolis finds a young business tycoon’s cross-town trip for a haircut interrupted by presidential visits, sex, Occupy-esque riots, sex, madness over a devaluing yen and a potential assassin. Playing […]

Vibrant and colourful, this third movie in the Madagascar series could certainly be worse. After being stranded in Monaco, lion Alex (Ben Stiller), zebra Marty (Chris Rock), giraffe Melman (David Schwimmer) and hippopatamus Gloria (Jada Pinkett Smith) try to make their way back home to New York by joining a travelling circus of international misfits. […]

Caligula-esque nudity and exaggerated carnage bookend an otherwise floundering comedy-horror film in Piranha 3DD. This sequel to the suspiciously fun Piranha 3D finds slimy businessman David Koechner (Anchorman) opening a topless, adult-only section of his water park. Doing so not only upsets his marine biologist stepdaughter, but also a subterranean lake filled with killer prehistoric […]

Samuel L. Jackson trades yelling at superheroes in The Avengers for wandering the streets of Toronto in this ruffled, hungover film noir. A doughy, frayed ex-con artist, Jackson begins The Samaritan exiting a 25-year prison sentence for murdering his partner, and soon finds life has been waiting all this time to collect. Plot really only […]

Young tourists explore the abandoned town of Prypiat, and discover that something has survived the radiation. A one-line premise stretched to gossamer thinness in Chernobyl Diaries. This shaky horror film, written and produced by Paranormal Activity auteur Oren Peli, finds several adventurous twentysomethings taking an “extreme tour” of the areas ravaged by the 1986 Chernobyl […]

Admiral General Aladeen has previously always had plenty of women, but after being shaved and dumped on the streets of New York he’s forced to learn to masturbate. An accompanying visual montage, containing that scene from Forrest Gump where young Forrest runs for the first time, is probably the funniest part of the low-swinging comedy […]

Liam Neeson sadly does not shout, “You sunk my battleship!” in this two-hour long Navy commercial based on a board game. Instead, Neeson sadly sits most of Battleship out while Taylor Kitsch (Friday Night Lights), Jesse Plemons (Friday Night Lights), and Rihanna (the singer) fight alien invaders off the coast of Hawaii. Tranformers-eque destruction, all […]