On one hand, Rock of Ages presents painfully lifeless covers of Journey. On the other hand, Tom Cruise sings into a woman’s butt. Little more than a feature-length Glee, this hair metal musical finds a small town girl, who was living in a lonely world, moving to LA to become a singer. Naturally, she falls in love with the bartender/aspiring rocker, and the two shout their feelings at each other via Foreigner songs. Director Adam Shankman at least honours the tenets of ’80s hair metal by making a supremely shallow, superficial picture. Cruise, meanwhile, surely isn’t making any statement at all by playing a hetero-sex god and troubled rock icon. At its worst, Rock of Ages is stupid enough to laugh at. It just sadly doesn’t sink down to those levels often enough.
This article appears in Jun 14-20, 2012.
