• arts_feature1-8
    On Vegans not eating honey: “Honey no more comes out of a bee than a toasted submarine sandwich comes out of the guy at Subway.”
  • arts_feature1-9
    “I almost got hit by an Access-A-Bus on the way here.”
  • arts_feature1-10
    “You know we’ve got a mall in Spryfield? We’ve got a mall! I’ve seen a baby smoking in that mall! You can’t smoke in a mall anymore, crazy baby!
  • arts_feature1-11
    “50 Cent is famous for getting shot nine times. I’m from white suburbia. The only time I’m shot nine times is during laser tag.”
  • peterwhite
    “Penises are ugly. They’re scary and gross. There’s a reason why those evil things from Tremors look like penises. Because they’re scary and can be easily killed by Reba McEntire.”
  • robertson
    A ‘tough lass’: She puts herself in the middle of her jokes: She’s the one making out with the guy on the street who gets undercut for a sexual favour by a toothless bag lady.