I’d much rather stay single

Where’s everyone getting the idea that he treated her like shit? He just didn’t engage her because she didn’t interest him. Why should it be his responsibility to stroke her ego? Should he have faked it? That’s misleading and wasting someone’s time. Some people might call that being nice, I call it being fake. It really sucks after the fact to find out someone was just “being nice” to spare your feelings when you thought they were at least somewhat genuinely interested in you. I’d much rather someone just let me know, verbally or non verbally. its not hard to tell ffs. I hope none of you ladies on here shitting on this guy have EVER once rudely rejected a guy who might have been coming on too strong or wasn’t your type, definitely wouldn’t bet on it though. Matter of fact, based in what I’ve seen it’s a statistical impossibility.

I feel like some of you people saying he should have “sucked it up” and acted differently haven’t been on the dating scene in a long time. I think that had he done that she probably would have been even crazier and harder to shake, and taken it even harder when he eventually told her he wasn’t interested. He may have gotten a whole case of beer dumped on him! People are fucking crazy these days, it’s not the 60s when most people were married with kids by 25. Seems like a good number of people find themselves single in their mid-late twenties and develop a serious complex.

And I call what he did acting cordial. He didn’t insult her, he didn’t put her down, make fun of her or belittle her (although the type of girl she sounds like that probably would have been taken as a signal that he liked her) he just didn’t get close to her or engage her in deep conversation because he didn’t want to give her the wrong idea. It’s not JUST that he didn’t find her attractive, it’s that he could tell that she was interested and he wasn’t. We’ve ALL done this! Especially females! Or they do what some of you are suggesting and fake it. To me that’s way worse and isn’t how a man or an adult for that matter should act. It’s phony and misleading, dishonest even. I’ve had it done to me and it’s a shitty feeling. I’ll take initial rejection any day. People hurt a lot of feelings with “good intentions” (I call it being chicken shit). Setting someone up to have their feelings hurt just so YOU don’t come off as being a jerk is selfish and shitty, in my opinion.

When someone doesn’t take a blatantly obvious hint, wtf else can you do besides tell them you don’t find them interesting/attractive? And then you go and shit on him because he has the balls to say yes, he does think he’s better, and can do better than this hot drunken mess of a woman? The audacity! One person even went so far as to call this bitch misogynistic. Why, because it expresses his frustration with a handful of women, one in particular, that he’s had shitty experiences with? Fuck right off.

I really feel like there’s a much bigger root to this discussion, and that is the notion that seems prevalent in our society that a man should equate any woman’s attention with winning the lottery, as if we just are so desperate for any woman no matter how undesirable to look our way that we should cater to her even if we’re not interested so as to spare her feelings. Heaven forbid we should ever upset a member of the fairer sex, but we should “take it like a man” when a female is rude or dismissive to us, because if we don’t we’re sexually frustrated crybaby losers. We should accept that we have to compete for a woman’s attention but we should be nice to a woman even she bores us or scares us to death. Am I the only one who feels like that double standard exists and is generally accepted? No one gets all up in arms when a woman doesn’t give a guy she’s not attracted to the time of day, NOR SHOULD THEY! Why is OP a bad guy for doing that?

People would absolutely not be shitting on OP if he was female, even if she was way more of a bitch about it than OP was.

A guy dumps a beer on a girl and publicly berates her because she blows him off, she’s the victim. No. Questions. Asked.

She could have called him every name in the book, it wouldn’t matter, and I would honestly agree with that sentiment. There’s no excuse for that kind of behavior, and if there were it would be on a whole other level than what OP did. I think if you sympathize with this girl you’ve got some rejection handling issues yourself.

Get off your pedestals.

Good post General. I’m glad someone had the stones to respond instead of just pressing dislike.

I’ll quote you and respond to what you said.

“Those ‘hints’ OB was dropping were not blatantly obvious”

I guess obvious is subjective. I can without a doubt say that I would have picked up on it after the first time I asked for the number and didn’t get it. I probably would have picked up on the lack of attraction before I even got to the point of even thinking about asking for it. Refusing after a second and third try is, to me, obvious. I truly and honestly can’t understand how you could dispute this, so I guess we’ll agree to disagree on that point.

“My behavior, which you label as being phony and dishonest, is actually what showing respect is all about. If someone is putting energy into you, you should reciprocate that.”

Ok, that’s good. You sound like a good honest person, but in my opinion there’s a LOT of people both male and female who don’t really know how to deal with unwanted attention, and the stronger that attention gets the more uncomfortable it makes them. They can’t fake it and they maybe don’t have the skills or perhaps the patience to be as diplomatic about it as you are. I don’t think that makes them bad people who think they are above others.

MAYBE he could have been a bit more mature about it but what he did is super common. Any guy who’s ever approached a girl in public can attest to this. Sometimes people just aren’t interested and don’t feel like it’s their job to spend their time talking to you when they have no interest in doing so, and most people aren’t really that nice about it, especially after dropping 3 or 4 hints. They’re out spending their hard earned money to relax and have a good time, not force themselves to entertain someone who they have no interest in. This is something that this beer dumping princess has to learn sooner or later, you can’t expect the world to always give you your way.

So maybe he could have been a little more mature ok, I’ll concede that, but my main point is that if a female wrote this exact same bitch about a male I would bet my next paycheck that these comments would be a lot more supportive, especially from the female posters. They would call the guy an aggressive harassing creep, and applaud the girl for standing up for herself and not entertaining this bozo just because he wanted her to. And I would agree with them, even though I’ve been rejected by many girls and know how much it can sting and how bitchy they can be about it sometimes. I don’t really blame them. It’s NOT personal, and it’s a part of life. I personally know a lot of girls who generally don’t respond to strangers trying to talk to them, period. I don’t think that makes them stuck up bitches. They’d probably meet someone who their friend wants to introduce to them but if they don’t find him interesting, they’re not going to take it upon themselves to babysit the guy all night. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

To take it a step further, if I were to say “well maybe you should have just talked to him and not have been such a stuck up cunt” I’d be called a victim blamer and probably told that women don’t exist to cater to my every whim etc. Which, I’ll emphasize again, I totally agree with. I just think it should go both ways, and in my opinion it still doesn’t for a lot of people.

It’s cool that you are a secure and honest enough person to be open with people, but let’s remember this is in a group setting, and he is uncomfortable having been put in this situation, which I do agree with those who have said is a damned if you do damned if you don’t predicament.

If this were a date I’d agree with you but it’s “hey this is my friend, maybe you two will hit it off” They didn’t hit it off, he tries to keep her at a distance because she is turning him off and/or not holding his interest.

I don’t really feel like that would have changed much in the end result because the reason she freaked out is not, in my assessment, because he was rude, it’s because she’s a spoiled princess with a huge ego who hasn’t learned to deal with rejection or the fact that not everyone is going to like her. It was hard for her to imagine that any man would not want her because she’s convinced herself that her shit doesn’t stink and that there’s something wrong with someone if they don’t like her, hence the “what, you think you’re too good for me?” crap. What she needs to do is take a long look in the mirror.

This bitch obviously struck a cord with me because I see this attitude all the time and I think it’s despicable and sexist. I bet you the beer dumper has done this to guys countless times, probably worse and I bet none of them acted the way she did. Or if they did they were seen by onlookers as being fucking douchebags end of story.

So I still think she would have freaked out regardless because she didn’t get her way, no matter how nice he may have been about it. I don’t give someone who dumps a beer on someone (their friend’s friend at that) the benefit of the doubt. She turned him off with her sloppy behavior and still wouldn’t leave him alone after asking for the the number 3 times. He then was honest with her and was rewarded for his honesty with a face full of beer and the attention of every person in that bar, who likely thought, like many of you, that he must have done something shitty to deserve this. She humiliated him in public when all he wanted to do was be left to his own devices for the night, and never, as far as he’s telling, said one negative thing to her. I don’t think it’s his responsibility to be nice about it, just like I don’t think it’s a woman’s responsibility to be nice to someone who’s trying to get her attention when she has no interest in them.

“No one gets all up in arms when a woman doesn’t give a guy she’s not attracted to the time of day, NOR SHOULD THEY!” – the icing on your cake, TJ. People do get up in arms. A girl doing that shows an incredible amount of disrespect for a fellow human.”

Really? Cuz when I go out I see guys get turned down at least a dozen times a night, often rudely or in a manner similar to what OP is describing and if the guy acts like a bitch about it no one comes running to their defense. If we express our frustration we’re told to be a grown up, suck it up and move on to the next one. We are expected to let it roll off us and continue on with our night, our confidence in ourselves intact, otherwise we are just over-emotional babies. That’s what this hormonal heffer should have done.

Even if he was rude, he won’t be the last person to not respond to this girl the way she might want someone to. She has got to grow up and deal with it. It was going to happen eventually.

Nothing excuses dumping a beer on someone and to suggest that maybe if OP had behaved differently this wouldn’t have happened equates to victim blaming. And to beat a dead horse, if the genders were reversed I’m pretty sure more people, ok I’ll say it, more women would agree with me.

Thanks for reading, I know I’m repetitive and long winded.