EFF YOU. EFF YOU and your horrible mother for delivering trash like you into this world.
From now on, there are RAZOR BLADES strategically placed throughout my car where a would be thief will rummage—mixed into my toonies and loonies in the change pockets, between CD cases and all around the edges of that fake plastic Walmart display laptop I have to temptingly “hidden” on the back seat. Don’t forget to look up at the webcam in the window of my house. The video of you bleeding all over my car will be on YouTube by the next day, I promise. It will be worth the $300for a new window just to know your god forsaken grease paws will be bleeding. The mess on the seats? Well I will gladly pay to have that cleaned, just knowing you will be cut up. The video will be priceless. —Vigil-Anne-Tee
PS: I am also trying to figure out how to rig a dye-pack up to the fake laptop, please let me know if you have any suggestions for this, or any other booby-trapping.
PPS: Before the “what thief will be reading these bitches” responders get on their soap box, I have already assumed it won’t be read by them (in fact, if I thought this would be read by them then I wouldn’t be telling them my plans) so don’t go getting your hate on for my letting off steam.
This article appears in Feb 25 – Mar 3, 2010.
Print off a bunch of fake twenties. Let the thief spend them
Good luck on your hunt…
breaking into your car is akin to rape. your personal space and place was violated.if i were you, i’d rig a nice little lightning bug to your car.just a couple of wires,ans leave the juice off,til you see the bitch touching it,then turn on for a few seconds. i did that to an asshole once,and he lay on the ground shitting his pants, before i gave him a couple of good kicks in the fucking head,then called the cops. remember, if you get them on your property,do what you will,but save a bit for cops. barring that, i know of a few deep holes in colchester county you can toss the scum bag into.
Isn’t it cheaper to just install a car alarm….or take the leads of a shredded extension cord and attached it to the car’s metal body?
perhaps it’s a conspiracy designed to make you take the bus… MUCH cheaper in the long run
Life sucks, your story would sound cooler if you had flame throwers involved.
I always thought lots of small fishhooks in with the loonies and quarters and wired to the alarm/battery would make for some good action.
LOLOLOOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOLOOLOL
In on this one before the OP slices his finger tips off looking for bridge change.
Also, in on this one before said “dye-pack” explodes all over the back seat of OP’s car.
“what thief will be reading these bitches”
More like “what idiot would set all these traps in their own car”
How about rigging something up so when someone tries to open the driver’s side door, the car explodes?
guys, these are just some of the tamer shit. maybe a good 120 volt to the nuts if they are caught would help. but seriously, there is far to much shit kleft in sight, and some douche will take it, no matter how small the amount. i had someone break into a car i had about 10 years ago, what did they steal, a fucking stupid bobble head doll fronm the dash, really. seems to be a lot of assholes running our streets and getting fuck all. but the alarm is only as good as your actions to check it out. if it is too far away from you, the perps are long gone, afore you get there.and hali, the explosive idea is cool, but you would have to get another car, everytime some one blew it up. ninja, flame throwers? might work if they were automatically activated, must look into that.
what happens when you reach in to grab some change for timmies? you’re seriously setting yourself up for disaster.
as a great man once said,
“watch it Ricky. that’s blue dye under pressure. that thing blows and we’ll all look like those blue-headed dicks that bang the drums”
that would likely be you unless you stop using your car all together.
zZz: Way to reiterate exactly what I commented over 2 hours ago. Keep on keeping on!
Why not electrify the car, kinda like LS mentioned.
At night, turn up the voltage, the next day turn it off.
Just leave a tiger in the back seat at night….. From what I have heard, Mike Tyson sleeps pretty soundly. You can just go to his place and steal his.
haha funny movie, when i first watched it i had no idea he was in it…kinda like zombieland holy shit that’s bill murray
hahaha….. “we all do dumb shit when we’re fucked up…..” … priceless. It almost made me forget he was an absolute dumbass and a colossal failure. Closing credits were absolutely hilarious as well.
I just bought the blu-ray of Zombieland!
Actually, the place to go to find car-booby traps is South Africa. They install shit like flamethrowers to deter carjackings.
http://transportation.frost.com/prod/servl….
Zombieland was a great film. Tallahassee’s obsession with Twinkies is kinda like my obsession with bacon. So I relate.
i like the flamethrower one, it would be cool, to see some asshole get hot, from try to rip off my car.
There was an invention in the works that essentially had a blade swing out from underneath the car and chop the perp’s feet off.
yeah,that was on a model kit of a 1965 pontiac bonnaville.the secret agent spy car kit. also from a very old bond movie, i believe. also wold be damn good crowd control.
I like this !! We used to solder razor blades on the backs of our decks . Great times when the thieves go to reach behind to slide out your deck and cut the fuck out of their fingers !!!! I’m all for this dude !!!! Teach the fuckers for stealing !!!
What part of town was this? It just happened to my girlfriends car over the weekend and someone else’s around the corner.