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I have multiple mental illnesses. I have for most of my life, and I will for most of my life. I talk a bit about it. I talk about the warm and fuzzy parts, the kind of things you see on made-for-TV movies. I talk about the parts of my struggles that I have overcome. But what I leave out is the pain I still feel. The agonizing compulsions, the terrifying thoughts. If I spoke the truth, I wouldn’t be considered the ~resilient~ woman anymore. It’s a lonely life when everyone thinks you’re this strong person who has overcome adversity and is now on the other side, but in reality you’re probably worse off than before. And when I try to reach out, I’m met with words like “I thought you were better” or, “you’re strong, you’ll be fine”. I’m sad and I’m hurting and I’ve built up this act for so long and now I feel like some sick and torturous version of the boy who cried wolf. But I cried health.
There is no one in my life who cares enough to read between the lines. It’s a lonely existence. —Happy, but not really and I want you to know
This article appears in Nov 5-11, 2015.
“I thought you were better.”
“Well, not really. I do talk about what I have overcome but I leave out other parts. In reality, I’m not as strong as I seem and I’m still not well.”
“Oh! How can I help?”
You can’t expect everyone to listen to your needs. I know that I can’t deal with people going on and on and on about their mental illnesses. It drains the life out of me and I end up feeling like garbage about a situation I can’t do anything about. I have enough of my own problems without the additional burden of someone else’s baggage. You need to learn to be your own best friend because people will just run from you if all you can discuss is you and your assorted mental issues. Seek professional help to break through that cycle of misery, not your friends.
^^ Yep! Well said. There are a lot of people out there with mental illness’ and a lot of mental illness’ that we still don’t understand. There’s also a lot of people who claim they have mental illness when they really don’t because it’s viewed as edgy and mysterious in certain circles. If this is such a problem for you perhaps its time to seek medical help and *actually* overcome these issues.
If she wanted help, she’d seek help. She wants attention and these posts keep the attention she seeks on the sidelines, right where she wants them. Win win.
You are speaking the truth, it doesn’t make you less of a resilient woman. You keep it secret and hidden because you don’t want to feel like a failure. But you aren’t, it’s just the way your brain works. You are a stronger person than you think you are, just for dealing with this for so long. It’s not an easy path to walk, especially when you feel alone, but you aren’t alone. Some of your family or friends will never get it, they will try and understand it to the best of their abilities but they can’t comprehend what your going through because they haven’t experienced it before. That doesn’t mean they don’t love you or care about you, they are just unsure how they can help.
You say your probably worse off now than before, that may be the case, but with mental illness you are always going to go through ebbs and flows. You can build yourself up and start to feel great again but there is this part in the back of your head that knows it will come back to wreck you. And thats a shitty feeling to carry around with you, but you will get out of it, I know it seems bleak now, but you are capable. You are still here and still fighting it, and that takes strength.
If you haven’t already looked into it, I would suggest cognitive therapy. Speaking from experience, with practice it has made a huge difference in my life. That coupled with medication has worked wonders on my general well being.
If you do feel severely depressed or suicidal, the Mental Health Mobile Crisis teams toll free number is 1(888)429-8167.
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For the rest of you, whats the point of commenting? You don’t know what this person is dealing with and when they seek help your first act is to shame them online? What the fuck does that contribute? They are already feeling possibly the lowest a person could feel and then you hop online and judge them? You can’t feel empathy toward another human being? What attention do you think they are really seeking on an anonymous message board?
I’ve struggled with an illness most of my life. I took it upon myself to learn what I could. I explored philosophy and medicine, psychiatry and spirituality. Particularly helpful was Eastern-philosophies like Buddhism and Hinduism.
It taught me one of the greatest things I have ever learned: Acceptance and Surrender. I accept what Life has decreed for me, accepting myself and not making my illness into an enemy. The mental-emotional suffering I experienced was borne out of my desires and attachments. This was particularly true in regards to the social-isolation that resulted from my illness. After many long years of turmoil I finally learned to say ‘Okay’ and cooperate with Life, as my resistance to my illness only caused me pain. I allowed the diminishment to be there. I recognized that my insanity, though challenging, was, nonetheless, part of the overall process of life itself, the totality of existence. I became aware of my minds tendency to construct a story around this weakness and diminishment, assigning myself the role of ‘victim’.
Allow the fear to be there. Become friends with it. Don’t make it into an enemy.
ACCEPTANCE and SURRENDER will bring you peace. RESISTANCE, DENIAL and NON-ACCEPTANCE will only cause you more pain.
Try to know yourself as the Conscious-Awareness BEHIND the pain, the ‘I’ that is aware of both your good-times and not-so-good times, the ‘I’ remaining unchanged. Pleasure and pain come and go. You are the Witness of those things, unaltered and perfect. Just because you feel these polarities, they are not you. Be One With Life.
Recognize the powerlessness and accept it. Completely. Let go of the power you seek, the control, trying to ‘get better’ or ‘be well’ as, ultimately, the healthiest thing you can do is accept and deeply surrender to your feelings, all aspects. From that choice arises deep inner-peace and stillness. With the stillness comes the benediction- peace.
Perhaps this will give you some insight(I’m not a professional, I can only pass on what gave me some understanding and inner-peace):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lagC4l7SO…
Not sure what you mean by “its all an act” if you talk about your illness. If you didn’t talk about your illness, then that would be an act, but what you’re doing is being an attention whore and expecting everyone you burdon with your problems to validate you by calling you strong or “resilient”. Sorry sis, but its time you nut up and handle your problems like a normal person…alone…and in silence cuz you’re harshing our buzz!
Pay no mind to the previous comment OB, as you needn’t be psychic to sense the whining underlying bitterness lurking behind their words, merely projecting their own inadequacies onto you unconsciously. They obviously had no support and now they’re out to make everyone else as miserable and wretched as they are. No brainer.
Read basic-psychology before you open your bitter miserable mouth next time.
I don’t know Fox, I’m actually quite happy and well adjusted. Perhaps I could be more empathetic towards anons who complain about their troubled minds but I find it really hard to actually give a shit. You all are far nobler than me.
The Fox is the new Montreal Man. And to the Ho!st’s last comment….Spot on, ole chap.
I understand what you’re saying. It’s hard. It’s hard to talk about the bad things. It’s painful and emberassing saying it outloud. I’m in the process of forcing myself to speak with someone qho is.paid to listen to my petty problems that are not petty and totally overwhelming and endlessly hopeless for me. It might not be that people don’t care enough to read between the lines it’s just hard for people to notice when everyone is pretty busy with their own stuff. Im going to try and get help i hope you do too. I know it’s hard.