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To my first of the day, where in the hell do you come from? You are loud, long winded, and you have an air about you that stinks to high heaven. I try to cover you, but you always manage to break loose. —Embarrassed
This article appears in Nov 17-23, 2011.
36 Comments
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Well i have some sciency sort of theories about that. I’m sure these are known things but i’ve never read about them so this is sheer guesswork on my part.
For 8 hours you’re horizontal. Everything has settled. Digestive processes are quietly chugging away.
Then suddenly it’s 7am. You jump out of bed, instantly vertical and stuff starts shifting. You’re making a mad dash to get out the door. Stuff continues to shift. You’re on the run, still half asleep, drinking coffee.. which REALLY doesn’t help… and then finally you get to work and sit down and your colon just goes “AHHHHHHHH”
or.. something like that.
I think your digestive system works up a storm while you’re sleeping. Apparently the most common time for a number two bathroom session is in the morning (I read that somewhere), so it makes sense that you’d have a “need to have a dump” fart first thing in the morning. *shrug*
Most people don’t give themselves enough time for their colons to give them the urge to go in the morning and if they did get up, say 30 minutes earlier, they’d probably have regular morning poops!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jx2LDvFJfDY
Oh. Was this about farts?!
I wonder how it works in space…
no gravity to put pressure on the bladder…
to have those guts pressing down on the intestines….
I would have to think weightlessness has some additional perks!
The first of the day is the best. It’s a time to pull the cat under the covers and share. There, I said it.
Mc-Z – the Apollo astronauts figured you needed to allow at least an hour for a weightless BM. The zero-G turlets developed for the Shuttle and the ISS are not much better. For more details check out:
http://scientopia.org/img-archive/scicurio…
I’d put my trust in their Howard Wolowitz…
but the thought of taking at a minimum 1/24th of each and ever day shatting…
I’d have to bring a portable dvd player in there with me.
maybe some larfs will wiggle the 10 curic’s free a little more quickly.
this just made my day!
ever been in a yoga class when they do the ‘downward dog?’ if you have, then you’ll know why I ask…
farts can be pretty fucking dealy things o.p., more so, in tight clothes. try letting a good beer and bean fart go quietly, it just blows out your hole, like the noon day cannon. and stinks like hell. been there with that one foks, and een behind it too in an elevator. p-fucking-ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Lol. Try to make it an slient one on a full bus or room and enjoy the sight of everyone else trying to figure out who is guilty hahaha. Its funny when you let a slient one go on a full bus during rush hour.
I remember farting next to the walmart customer service and i manage to get away before they noticed.
I just about fell over in laughter when i saw the two women look up at each other and scowl.
I actually look forward to the morning fart. Excellent way to start the day.
xeno, you can get both kinds of farts doing that
Everybody farts!! 😀
bahaha i love this thread!
i had to run for the bus today, every step was a fart, hehehe!
haha, jet propulsion
fascinating fart facts:
• On average, a fart is composed of about 59 percent nitrogen, 21 percent hydrogen, 9 percent carbon dioxide, 7 percent methane and 4 percent oxygen. Less than 1 percent of their makeup is what makes farts stink.
• The temperature of a fart at time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.
• Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second.
• A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.
• Women fart as much as men.
• The gas that makes your farts stink is hydrogen sulfide. The more sulfur rich your diet, the more your farts will stink. Some foods that cause really smelly farts include: beans, cabbage, cheese, soda and eggs.
• Most people pass gas about 14 times a day.
Save them for the bus, that’s why people pay to use it….to smell your rancid farts.
Funny you should mention zero gravity bowel movements Ivan because that’s something I’ve always wondered about. I mean does it float around and you have to catch the turd with a net. Maybe you sit on some sort of vacuum that sucks it out into space. As well gravity helps the poo come out to begin with. Zero gravity? How does the poo come out? Do they use laxatives? That would make the space walk tricky.
I think I will count how many times I fart each day to see if I’m an over achiever.
Trood – On Apollo 8, mission commander Frank Borman came down with a vicious stomach flu 1 day into the trip. D&V in a capsule with the approximate cubic space of a station wagon. Jim Lovell and Bill Anders did their best to clean him up and he recovered quickly, but it wasn’t a pleasant trip. “Little Brown Butterflies” >: 0
are the panels and instruments water (and other viscous-like substances) proof?
I’d like to hope so…
Painey, are you referring to ‘varts’?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5oxC-U7Rxk
yes, as demonstrated by the commander’s video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_m-4VM7f3Q
http://i.imgur.com/9ocbu.jpg
For those not familiar with yoga, this position mimics the ‘downward dog’ pose almost exactly, with predictable results…
yes, but why is he in a public washroom?
I guess if he were at home, he’d just let fly…
BTW, did you see this one yet?
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/…
LOL Xeenie. ♥Luvs me dat Honey Badger ♥
“Painey, are you referring to ‘varts’?”
I hadn’t heard them referred to as that before Xeno. I’ve always known them as “queefs”.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginal_flatu…
(Everything you’ve always wanted to know but were afraid to ask)
And what is this hooey about women farting? Women don’t fart. They “fluff” or “poot”. lol (At least, that’s what my mom used to say.)
who says we’re boring and not useful? yeah riiiggghhhttt clint and we don’t sweat we glow^^
Too droll, Vastie: I just walked up to Aesop (baking up a storm for Yanksgiving) and said “define ‘queef’ for me.” At first he demurred, suggesting I consult the urban dictionary. “No, I want to hear your definition.”
“Ok” he says “a queef is the word for audible vaginal flatulence.”
“Oh” says I. “I thought it meant doobie or to smoke a jay.”
“No, that’s a spleef”
Well, we live and we learn. KIP.
ok, yesterday, I reach 14 farts by 10pm, so I would say I was average.
However, this morning my wife helped me count, she counted 3 farts that I counted as 1 long fart. My reasoning is if the 3 farts come out within a 60 second window, then it is obviously from the same batch of gas.
She disagrees, she feel that 1 push equals 1 fart, so if I had to stop for 20 seconds then push again, then she considers that another fart.
Am I making any sense here?