I went to a fine dartmouth pub establishment on the weekend and had such a shit time. I’m only 35. Am I really too old to enjoy going out to the bar? We were sitting at a booth having our drinks, trying to engage in conversation but there was a speaker right there on the ledge pumping the most ungodly music at an unbearable level, right into my eardrum. I couldn’t hear a word my friends were saying. Then the flashing lights started, whirling and shining bright neon light right in my eyeballs, forcing me to constantly squint from the glare. Within 30 minutes I had the worst headache known to man. What an awful environment. No wonder the joint was practically empty. Put the stupid speakers by the dance floor and fuck off with the speakers by the booths. Nobody needs music pumping right into their friggen ear at the table when they’re trying to conversate. Ditch those stupid strobe lights too! If a person with epilepsy were to go into that bar, they would be seizuring in no time. It’s not cool. It just sucks. No way I was waiting another minute on my designated driver. The 40 dollar cab fare was worth it just to fly the fuck outta there. Same thing with the malls. I just want to be able to think when I pick out an outfit but you can’t because the teeny bopper bubblegum pop music is so loud you go into a frenzy. You just grab, buy, spend spend spend spend!! Just to get the fuck out of there as quick as possible because you can’t stand the racket. It’s all about confusing the customer, sense-deprivation to make them spend more. Like at the bar on the weekend, buy more and pour more drinks down your throat just so you can stand it. Fuck that, I’m outtie! —My bar days are over!
This article appears in Nov 13-19, 2014.
So you go to a bar, which you say is practically empty, and park yourself next to a speaker, Now who exactly is the idiot? Why sit by a speaker when there are plenty more seats available? Age has nothing to do with it, just stupidity on your part.
LOL – When you go to a pisserie and the only way to communicate across the table is with semaphore flags or Aldis lamps, you know your bar days is done.
I’m 52 and NEVER go to the bars here… when I’m away, I close them!
“a fine dartmouth pub establishment”…
your argument is invalid.
Its a science, OB. If the music is extremely loud it discourages talking and encourages people to dance more. Which in turn means more drinks served. If they have a good DJ they even break it down to beats per minute to encourage dancing for a few songs then slow it down a bit for people to run to the bar to get drinks.
You’re not getting old, they’re getting smarter.
Bro Tim – you forgot something…They went to a “practically empty bar” and “parked themselves next to a speaker”…AND THEN SAT THERE FOR 30 MINUTES LIKE A MORON.
I’m sure in a “practically empty” bar, there would be at least a few spaces away from the speakers and the lights…unless all the regular patrons were smart enough to snatch them up…Of course, that probably requires common sense, which this OB is limited on.
I especially like how the rant goes from being bedazzled in a bar to how stores and malls use “sensory deprivation” as a means to get people to spend, spend, spend…
Me thinks the tinfoil hat needs a slight adjustment, the signal is clearly off.
BAR DAYS IN DARTMOUTH
“I went to a fine dartmouth pub establishment on the weekend and had a shit time.” My bar days are over
Can you spot the oxymoron in that sentence? It’s a self-refuting proposition, a cognitive shortfall and a serious case of conceptual slippage all rolled into one.
No? Well, have another drink.
(AVATAR #75: The MAJESTIC THEATRE, PART I)
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
“Am I really too old to enjoy going out to the bar?”
“If a person with epilepsy were to go into that bar, they would be seizuring in no time.”
Does that answer your question? It should.