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Before I was given the sex talk, I was given the “you’re not white” talk.
My parents needed to inform me that people will mispronounce my name, ask where I’m from and notice my brownness before noticing anything else.
Thankfully they equipped me with the skills to take moments like this as an opportunity to educate, listen and engage in dialogue. They taught me to forgive that Band-Aids don’t come in our complexion, to see my name being a spelling error as my own uniqueness and to patiently love people into understanding my heritage and who I am. They taught me how to deal with the so-called “polite racists.”
What they were not able to prepare me for was how to constructively face the more difficult moments of violent, explicit and malicious acts of racism. Growing up, I was fortunate enough to only encounter this type of racism a few times, but felt so overwhelmed and helpless each time I did. No one told me how to deal with the mixture of fearing for your life and pure anger. In most settings, I’ve been fortunate to have an ally with me who wasn’t experiencing a fight-or-flight response who helped to deescalate the situation.
As a child, I was essentially taught to tolerate mild intolerance and it became my defense strategy. However, it is no longer adequate, as I’ve realized quite an ugly truth: all racism, regardless of how polite, is an act of violence.
After the Paris attacks I have been reeling. There have been countless racist comments made on social media, shocking hate crimes taking place and political leaders denying the humanity of brown people. There has also been a concentrated fight against this racism through educational resources, hilarious memes and influential icons rejecting ideas of bigotry.
In this important fight against racism, we have lost sight of something: That kid inside of us all who was never prepared to deal with feeling fear and anger every single day because of their skin tone, or their faith.
Every day, I am afraid of a race-related hate crime. A number of my friends have begun avoiding crowded areas, rural areas and going out alone. I am dreading the flight that I will be taking next week because of the potential of racial violence. Too many Haligonians are on edge right now and we need to do something about it.
There is still a huge need for allies in the community to respond through awareness campaigns, social posts and actively fighting racism. However, there is a huge need for allies to step up and ensure that those feeling vulnerable are OK. Building safer spaces, and showing genuine concern is a good place to start.
Some concrete things you can do to support include: attending events and special guest lectures to listen to our experiences, and read curated literature on racism and privilege. Great organizations doing this work include the Muslim Students Association, Solidarity Halifax and the Dalhousie Multifaith Centre.
If you are living in fear like I am, please talk to your friends about it, reach out to the equity and accessibility offices and most of all speak up, even if your voice shakes.
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Local events sadly needed to show Muslims are human beings
This article appears in Dec 3-9, 2015.
Man up, get on with your life and broaden your circle. Life is good here, violence is minimal and nothing like San Bernardino or Chicago or… pick any any place where cops think it is open season on shooting black males.
Or go fishing on a lobster boat and discover the world of hard work and possible loss of life.
And quit whining.
You commenters knowing the author isn’t just “whining” about micro-aggressions or general ignorance, right?
When he talks about hate crimes in Canada in the wake of the Paris attacks, he’s talking specifically about:
1. A mosque arson in Ontario
2. A mosque vandalism in Alberta
3. A woman wearing a headscarf in downtown Toronto, robbed and beaten and told to “go back home”
4. A man in Montreal making a YouTube video threatening to “kill Arabs” in the city
5. Many other similar events, and widespread comments, easy to find online, expressing irrational hate and fear of Muslim people.
Most Canadians don’t commit acts like that. But many of us harbour fear, indulge stereotypes, and otherwise foster a culture in which those kinds of explicitly racist acts are more possible.
I’m not sure how you can have so little empathy as to not get that, or not to understand that a person might become afraid when people of his religion and ethnic background are being assaulted verbally and physically for no reason at all. (And what’s worse, start fucking lecturing him online about something you’ve clearly put no thought into whatsoever.)
This is so very important. There are too many of us living in fear who are afraid to speak up because we are terrified of being told that our emotions and concerns are invalid. The ignorance in these comments proves that oppression occurs even in the ‘safest’ of places, through the words and criticisms of our neighbours and friends.
Kudos to you for being brave enough to speak up for those of us who can’t.
It is ‘hard work’ to stand up against violence and oppression in all forms, lobster boat or not.
In regards to previous comments I don’t believe ‘violence is minimal here’ or comparing it to another social issue can justify certain behaviours that Haligonians are clearly experiencing towards them now. Despite the fact that we (may) be moving towards a brighter future in many ways doesn’t mean that there isn’t discriminatory acts here at home that shouldn’t be addressed. “Better” shouldn’t be “good enough”, rather we should be striving towards what is just and best.
Great article Sagar thank-you for speaking up.
Add more item in your list: Hindu Temple Vandalised in Kitchener, Ontario. After Paris attack.
Just don’t give in. That’s what they want – for all of us to give in. Fuck’em! We will win!😻
I hear what you are saying, Sagar, and I truly sympathize, as I will explain. You have a friendly pleasant, face and smile, who I know I could have good chat with. But understanding the fear and mistrust goes both ways now in this messed up media driven world we live in.
Being Northern Irish and a few times visiting the UK mainland (at the height of the IRA bombings in England) I got totally ignored by some people etc (I wont go into it) and I even had stringent security checks to get there and separated from other people- but I understood this. I did NOT like it and maybe it was wrong- but I understood their fear that lead to unreasonable mistrust/hate. I was ashamed and embarrassed by the reputation us Northern Irish had gained as terrorists and knew I might get attacked but I didn’t let it stop me. Thankfully there were people who spoke to me kindly. It wasn’t race issues but I was seen as a terrorist and despised. I wanted to change this so I made a point of being as nice as I could to whoever would listen. I let them know the majority of Irish did not want conflict and didn’t have a hate for anything British- just the brainwashed few. I made good English friends by trying to integrate and circulate among them.
Can I ask, are all your friends Muslim and of your ‘brownness’? Apologies if you have non-Muslim white friends too, I’m just trying to get a feel, as self-segregation can cause problems too. Also apologies if you have tried to mix but found it hard/had problems. From N Ireland I have seen how segregation builds and feeds mistrust and hate. But in N Ireland it is not race but religion dividing people. There are strict catholic only areas and strict protestant only areas that are a breeding ground for hate- and used as an excuse by either side to stir up hate. But thankfully is it SO much better now and the mistrust is abating- not totally gone, as there are small minded people who thrive on power and hate.
I think the point I am trying to make is that while we can do our part to understand Muslims and their faith (I have read and researched the Quran a bit to understand Islam, and it is clearly not a religion of hate- just hateful people hiding behind it and using it to carry out murder- but all religions have these uneducated people) while reaching out to help you or going to places for Muslims, you can also help by not segregating yourselves through fear or mistrust if you do, and going out of your way to help educate people who maybe fear you. Understand them too, like you want others to understand yourself. Some will ask me what I have done to get to know other people of different beliefs or race- but I am not going to go out purposely and find a Muslim or an African-Canadian or a Chinese person to have as ‘token’ friend for me to go out and say ‘look at me- I’m open minded’. That’s wrong to do. Since coming to Halifax I have encountered some fantastic people of all races and religions- non yet my friends but I cant force that. I wont care who that friend is, but if they are a good decent person then they can be from outer-space for all I care.
Sorry if any of this offends you, Sagar, or anyone else. And I may be preaching to the already converted (excuse the unintended pun there ha ha) and again I can only apologize, as I wasn’t clear from your article. I hope you get the point I’m trying articulate. The media plays a massive part in it’s divisions but then also what you are doing by writing your article helps counteract this and is positive steps to to understanding. But like you ask people to got to events to listen to experiences, then that works both ways to understand other peoples fears. By the way, I am atheist (well maybe agnostic, but what are labels anyway?) but at my root level I am a human, like yourself. My motto for life is ‘Respect each other and look out for each other’.
I hope the fear you have gives way to hope and not letting ignorant people hold you back. Haligonians of all races and faith are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. You and I, we are lucky.
The Irish Man
Do Band-Aids come in ‘your’ complexion in other parts of the world? I’m just asking, I really don’t know and don’t feel it’s important enough to Google. If I went to the country of origin of you ancestors, would they pronounce my name properly and not be curious where I am from? Do you know how to pronounce every single name from every single language the world over? Have you ever looked at someone who is different than you and wondered where they originated from? Is it wrong to be curious about such things? How are these things “racist”, let alone an act of violence? What gives you the right to stereotype my culture, or lack thereof? It has become very easy, in this day in age, to accuse the white majority of anything under the sun because even a simple comment in defence is viewed as “racist”.
Look, I think that you are confusing the voice of a vocal minority with the thoughts and wishes of the majority. This is a fucked up world we live in today, and extremism seems to be a blight in every single facet of our collective societies, but you claiming that all things you percieve to be racist are acts of violence does nothing to help the situation. It is in itself a form of extremism and only serves as a wedge to drive everyone farther apart. Before you point your accusatory finger at an entire city/province/country, just remember how it feels to have it pointed at you.
I found many of the comments interesting but others quite strange. I read the article three times. I don’t see any whining and any of you in Halifax who feel that we are all one big happy family with equal opportunities for all are delusional! I am a white anglo who has lived here for 10 years and I love Nova Scotia and the people here BUT there is no question that people who do not fit the mold (white anglos) suffer every day. It is not an active hatred or violence as in some other areas of the world. But it is there. I know of many immigrants with post graduate degrees in disciplines in high demand who are working in part time jobs as no one will employ them in the position for which they are trained. Since the Paris attacks I have heard many conversations that boil down to “we have to watch all “these people” (Muslims and anyone else that looks different) closely as most are radicals at heart”. I have lived in many places and feel that Nova Scotia is near the top for quality of life but there is no question that we need to learn more about other races and make an effort to welcome them and treat them well in every respect. As most of us know, the population of Nova Scotia is getting older and dwindling. We need immigrants and we need to make everyone feel welcome.
Feel Sad that the dear parents had inform that you are different because that people will ask where you are from and notice my brownness before noticing anything else. Very Sad to read this.
Born Brown skined person ( Punjabi ) I Always indentifY My self as a Canadian first.I have been blessed with two very beautiful childern who are born here in Halifax,NS Canada , Us Parent I always encouraged and reminder My kids that we are Canadian and Greatly Blessed to be a Canadian and also to a very Blessed to have Punjabi Indain Hertiage My kids speak Hinde,Punjbai Urdu and English. your
Alway prayer and forgive your precutors and try to show love to your enemies
It does not take a genuis to see that we all are in some way or another a differient people from each other.
Self Pity
This is the reality. Good intentioned critics (or assholes) aside …
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/sund…
Thanks for this honest story. It saddens me that you experience racism in our Province. What concerns me the most is when you mention “polite racism”. Speaking as a person who has always been extremely curious about other cultures but severely limited in my ability to travel, I may be one of those people who wants to know where your family originated from, what language you speak, have you recently returned to the land of your ancestors, what was the weather like? As well, in parts of Nova Scotia, and often in French Acadian cultures, the first question asked of someone will be who their father is (or Grand-father). So much so that people are Nick-named for their parents. So and so is “John a Marcus” (Johh OF Marcus, John SON OF Marcus).
…hopefully when others are genuinely curious about those who are “different”, is is because they want to learn and understand more about that person. Through understanding of our differences we can all become a lot more alike!
After the Paris attacks, I was shocked by some of the comments I read on social media. People that were acquaintances on facebook took me by surprise. I didn’t expect the blatant racism from them. I expected fear from some of them, but not the blatant hatred. I had to remove them from my facebook and block them so they couldn’t see my support for other people. Hang in there, not all people feel that way. There are many good people here that feel the same way I do.
To the “quit whining” poster: The ability to put oneself in another’s shoes is a vital and important human skill. It’s what keeps us from treating others badly–aggressively or subtly. You, I’m afraid need to learn that skill. There are other experiences that are as real as yours. Please try to imagine that there are other realities. Read some books, watch some documentaries. So those black males you talk about, most experience that “quiet” and invisible (to you) racism and intolerance that Sagar experiences. And since you don’t experience it, you don’t seem to believe it. Why not learn more about the experience of the non white person, (you could learn some history of the peopling of Canada) and then work to eliminate racism instead of contributing to it with comments like you just made?
Mr Jha
When someone of my colour gets mugged in Halifax, and robbed of their wallet and their ball cap, it will, at best, make page 17 of the local newspaper. When someone of your faith got mugged in Toronto recently, and robbed of their wallet and their hijab, it made the front pages of the national dailies.
I mention this in order to point out that if it were true that racism explains as much as you claim it does about the world we live in, then we would have to conclude that the disparity in interest shown by the media and, it seems, by you, in Muslim Canadian mugging victims as opposed to non-Muslim Canadian mugging victims is down to racism. As it is, if we avoid doing as you are urging us to do, and cease trying to fit the facts to the most sensational or attention-grabbing theory and seek instead to find the theory that best fits the facts, then we get a more accurate picture of crime and of violence in Canada.
First, the amount of intra-familial domestic violence- or in other words, violence amongst people of the same colour or creed – is what is truly frightening. Muslim families are not exempt from this, as you should know very well. And if you are living in fear in this country, consider that many Canadians of any number of faiths are living in fear of their own spouses and/or other relatives, right in their own homes.
Second. Racist violence is not somehow worse than the ‘ordinary’ kind if we judge it by lives left financially vulnerable or worse, by lives lost or maimed. Nor is racist violence somehow more sociopathic. The depressing truth is that every mugger, every fraud artist, every perpetrator of crime likes to claim the victim had it coming, or in other words, victims of every colour and faith and creed are blamed by their attackers. The telephone con artist who swindles an elderly woman claims his victim deserved to be cheated because she was ‘stupid’, or ‘could afford to lose the money’. The man who abuses his wife or child will have an army of excuses as to why they were to blame for ‘making him angry’ and therefore deserving the abuse. In one case I heard of recently, a murderer, upon hearing that his victim died during surgery, actually blamed the emergency room surgeon for his victim’s death.
In short, Mr. Jha, crime is not rational, particularly violent crime. Its universality is depressing, but that fact should be uniting us, not dividing us as you are doing.
As for what you imagine people are thinking of you when they take a polite interest in you, remember that wise poem: “When I was young, I worried about what people were thinking of me. When I got older, I said I didn’t care about what they were thinking of me. And when I got much older, I realized they were never thinking about me.”
I have a suggestion for you: support the City police when they hold community action meetings on crime. Stop promoting associations aimed mainly at promoting the interests only of a limited constituency. And above all, stop seeing someone who looks like me as not just ‘other’, but someone guilty of a crime before you even bother to know me.
Mr. Jha, with all due respect, if you interpret someone asking you where you’re from as a racist act of violence, you need to get over yourself