You’ve enough yet?

Okay, first thing – bitching about F.M. radio is like going to Moncton in the summer and complaining about the humidity and blackflies. Suffice to say, I used to enjoy listening to a local “Live” radio station, for it’s 90’s playlist, predictable and limited, though it was.

So, I’d like to send a big wet sloppy infectious Valentine’s kiss to the corporate geniuses who have consistently fucked it face first into the ground. First you get rid of the one announcer who had even a shred of talent or personality, probably because some Sharepoint Wizard determined that she was intellectually intimidating to your target audience. Now you plug syndicated shows and try your damnedest to imitate that special frat-boy brand of stupid that a certain other “Rock” station has made its trademark.

Let’s not forget that you are continuously advertising on-air for salespeople which suggests that your bull-pen probably resmbles one of those dystopian strip-down-to-a-banana-hammock-and- fight-to-the-death-with-knives arenas made famous in bad Sci-Fi. Final hint – you probably shouldn’t run that commercial where you deride other stations for dropping a little B.O.C. between their 90’s alt-rock selections. Not when you do the same with mouldy old Zep, G&R and the egregious AC/DC. –Despite All My Rage I’m Still Just Nicholas Cage

This article appears in Feb 9-15, 2017.