Thrift shop stank fest

I went into my neighborhood thrift shop for a peek the other day and couldn’t stand the stink of the place. No, I’m not necessarily talking about that dusty, thrift shop smell that all of them have, I’m talking about the shoppers! OMG, every person I walked past just reeked! First, there was this old man smelled like pure piss. Then, this woman smelled like major arm pits. Then, this other lady I walked past who had a greasy ass rat’s nest for a hairdo smelled like old onions and sour milk sweat. My God people, soap is cheap! Go wash your stank ass before going in public places. I had to walk out and put the stuff back I was carrying because the thought of trying on something in the changing room that had previously been tried on by one of these smelly bodies was enough to me gag. As I walked past a bunch of people in the lineup and started toward the exit, another blast of funk hit me, stronger than all those before it: Stinky, corn chip feet smell, L’eau du old hot dog water and ass assaulted my nostrils. There is just no excuse for your unbeleivable rotten arses to be waving around that kind of stench in public. Even if you can’t afford $1 for soap at the dollar store, grab a ziplock bag and go into a public washroom and fill it up with free handsoap to take home. Fill up the tub with water as hot as you can stand it and then take a facecloth and get it full of that soap. Scrub your pits, ass, feet, privates and greasy hair. Have some self-respect. Clearly ya’ll just rolled out of bed and left your house. You may not be able to smell yourself, but others can. Here’s a tip: If you didn’t shower today, you stink!

—PU you’re offending me

This article appears in Apr 25 – May 1, 2019.