I’m still awake. It’s 3 in the morning, and I’m afraid to sleep. I lay myself down and panic.
After 4 years, she leaves, because she graduated. And I try to keep my head above water.
Then the Winter came, and the world was covered in ice. I couldn’t leave my home.
I thought school would take my mind off the loss, my mind was still with it, but now I had to juggle extra courses. I could never see my friends. I’m surprised any are left.
I miss you grandma. Easter weekend. Some kind of divine miracle. I’ll see you again someday?
I made a new friend. The only one I had in the city, but she left too, a few weeks back. My roommates are leaving as well. No one stays in you Nova Scotia, and I’m stuck owing you money.
The subject that I once loved is turning bitter, and illegible. I feel if I had a social life to balance with it, maybe I could see it in a new light. I’m trying to connect with people, but I don’t know what they want anymore. I want to just talk to someone. I’ve been trying too. I want to talk about something besides this, with someone besides myself.
Now I have to move back in with my mom, who I never understood, for a life I don’t want to live anymore.
When Pandora released all evil upon the world, at the bottom of the box was hope. I once thought it was there to give us strength to fight for a brighter future. I now know it was there to lure us in further, so that the evils might envelop us fully. Nothing destroys a soul more than the loss of hope.
So fuck you life. Go on and kill the next person. —The Heart Primordial
This article appears in Jun 11-17, 2015.
See kids? This is what a liberal arts degree will get you: the ability to write a clever Bitch and nothing more.
DON’T waste your money…
Suck it up, the other 900,000 of us make do here without feeling the need to bitch about how much it sucks. Move to Calgary and live in an $1,800 one bedroom apartment and then get back to me on how much better the rest of the country has it then here.
Maybe if you didn’t spend so much money on black eyeliner and black nail polish and Bullet For My Valentine CD’s you wouldn’t have had to move in with your mom.
You must embark on a study of philosophy. More particularly, you must engage the ontological reality of the self. In the Western tradition the self, viewed as the pre-experiential entity who views all extra-mental experience in terms of its relation to that self, is currently undergoing a transformation called the “contemplative turn,” one which postulates that neither that self nor that extra-mental reality has any meaning. All that remains as a consequence is to sit quietly, doing nothing beyond being attentive to, be mindful of, one’s inner being and its loving openness to Being. As the Dalai Lama said while ordering at MacDonald’s, “Make me one with everything.”
Tell your story to someone who has chronic daily pain or any number of horrific diseases and see how much sympathy you’ll get. I can name a dozen people right off the top of my head who would gladly take your place.
If you insist on wallowing in the past, that’s where you’ll stay. Maybe a professional therapist could help you out of your current mental quagmire.
It’s normal to get disappointed in life when you’re a young adult faced with responsibility for the first time. A lot of young people get disappointed when they finally realize the real world sucks. That’s normal. Don’t blame it all on him.