A lot of time can be spent talking while waiting on doctors. Thankfully I am able to listen to my friend as she sits waiting and scared. Most of her thoughts are of family, friends and those gone before her. But one day the conversation was about you.
Do you remember what it was like to be alone, scared, an addict and about to be kicked out with no place to go? Who was the person who stuck with you, helped to get you to a safe place to sleep, eat and get help?
Now she’s waiting for her chemo, scared, facing the stark reality that this is it and you can’t be bothered to inquire, send a note, or even care.
I asked my minister why someone would be that way. While he tried to give me answers about inner turmoil and fear, I could only think that you must be the most selfish, miserable person imaginable. No one is asking you to do more than be kind.
So I leave you with this: Every day you are faced with a choice, to give support or turn your back. I really hope you begin to understand that the small gestures don’t cost YOU a lot, but they certainly mean plenty to the recipient. —Red Fraggle
This article appears in Sep 4-10, 2014.
A COGNITIVE ACHIEVEMENT?
“I really hope you begin to understand that the small gestures don’t cost YOU a lot, but they certainly mean plenty to the recipient.” Red Fraggle
The question, of course, is just what is to be understood by the term “understand” in the present context and, moreover, just how is such understanding to be achieved. It is, as one might expect, a central problem in epistemology, that branch of philosophy dealing with the justification of knowledge claims.
On the one hand, it clearly does not mean a purely cognitive achievement in the sense of acquiring theoretical knowledge in some subject area on the basis of which one can demonstrate that one has, in fact, understood it. One might say, for example, that one has understood the causes of the Seven Years War (1756-1763) if one has read widely, reflected on it at length and be able, when asked, whether informally or on an exam, to demonstrate such understanding. Understanding in the present context is not of this sort. So sort is it?
“Red Fraggle” makes reference to both the one who is to acquire such understanding, the one who is able to frame such understanding in “small gestures” to be conveyed to the recipient, gestures understood by the recipient as a token of his understanding of the recipient’s state of mind. In other words, understanding in this context means interpersonal understanding which some German philosophers have called an empathetic”verstehen” (“to understand”) which is to be distinguished from an objective or impersonal “kennen” (“to know”). Such understanding therefore involves acquiring both insight and empathy into the mind of another. But how does one acquire such understanding?
Such understanding is usually understood as being a natural part of what it means to be human but, in the present case, it appears that its achievement – if it can be called that – is not automatic. Clearly, the individual concerned has not achieved such understanding but Red Fraggle, in my view, has misconceived its nature. It is not the outcome of some sort of cost-benefit accounting as as she seems to suppose since it resists any empirical analysis which would reduce such sympathetic understanding to the rigours of objective measurement. Failure to achieve it would, rather, be better characterized as a pathology of human nature itself with the consequence that it will never be understood by the individual concerned.
But such interpersonal, empathetic understanding is not mysterious. Indeed, it is the kind of understanding that grounds all human endeavour, particularly those found in the Humanities. That is why they are ultimately more valuable than any other studies since they cultivate humanity itself.
Thank you for your patience and understanding (!).
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
So you went and took the time to talk to your minister but didn’t take time to see this person. Does this person even know what’s going on or are you assuming it. The person may have a job that doesn’t allow them time to go to someone’s chemo. Try talking to the right person, not your minister and chances they will not read this bitch.
OP it seems this friend was kind for purely selfish reasons.
If your ‘friend’ is a recovering addict, they don’t likely have the capacity to return the gift of emotional support to you in your time of need. And taking it personally and shaming them does nothing for your spiritual well-being which will serve you well during this difficult time in your life. You can go through life being kind to others, and I do support that, but don’t ever do it with the expectation of ‘equal’ return. And then be surprised and grateful for the people who do show up when they can. And don’t be afraid to sit in a waiting room alone. Believe. You will survive. Have faith. Trust to your God. Listen to what this is all telling you. Be brave. Be strong. And get better. Chemo and hospitals are heavy shit for a lot of people; not many are fit to volunteer for hand holding, certainly not a recovering addict who’s maybe just learning to deal. Forgive them all.
i’ll only go to a hospital e.r., if one of my limbs are only hanging on by a tiny piece of skin, and if no duct tape is around.
duct tape & wd40. one for when it moves, and shouldn’t. and the other for when it should move, but doesn’t.
I can’t figure out what the post is about.
Use Crazy Glue to reattach severed limbs.
fuck, i’m crazy enough now, and reading some of these bitches, well, helloooooo.