Please stop texting me the question, “How are you feeling?” I’m four months into chemo, how the fuck do you think I’m feeling? Surely, you can at least begin to imagine that I’m not feeling well—that every day is a physical and existential struggle. Bless your little oblivious heart. What you could possibly be looking to achieve with this caliber of selfish, meat-headed question? Perhaps, making yourself feel you’ve done your daily good deed when you read my canned, fabricated-to-help-you-manage-your-emotions response OR that you want me to spend what little time and energy I have pecking out the details of just how shitty I’m feeling. Again, and again. Neither one of these shows investment in my wellbeing. I’m glad you haven’t had cancer. I hope you never do. Here’s the thing though: People that truly want to provide support don’t fire off a daily, earmarking, obligation-to-respond-inducing text, they actually show up IRL and are willing to go to places that are uncomfortable. Now you know how I’m feeling. —Sicko
This article appears in Feb 8-14, 2018.
“How are you feeling?” Removing the emotion from the picture, someone is showing they actually care about you. It’s not selfish or meat-headed; I’ll bet none have experienced chemo so it’s a genuine question. In fact, after 4 months it’s a reasonable question to the uninitiated. It’s an opportunity to educate us on the process. You only do yourself a disservice by offering a canned response.
Your expectation that everyone will show up IRL is unreasonable. Not everyone has that capacity.
And one final bit: you have no right to be mean and nasty simply because you’re sick.