You, my thought-to-be good friend, and your boyfriend had a party. After having no luck with men (either in person or online) for the last while, I finally met someone great. He and I were immediately attracted to one another, and even better, we clicked! We both agreed we wanted to get to know one another better and exchanged numbers. Then I found out he was a friend of your boyfriend’s. That was fine (we could go on double dates some times?).
After over an hour of talking to the guy one-on-one, your boyfriend came over and asked to speak to his buddy privately. At first, I thought nothing of it, but this private talk went on for a half hour. When they finally departed from this talk, your boyfriend says to the guy “I got your back, remember…” Suddenly this guy I liked became really standoffish. Eventually he went home. I never heard from him again. Even when I gave him a call, he never got back to me.
When I mentioned this to you, I’m told he wasn’t right for me. I assumed you meant he may have seemed like a nice guy but he was actually a creep. It wasn’t that at all. He was a good guy, apparently, but we wouldn’t go good together. Then you suggested I just keep finding someone online.
Are you fucking kidding me?! Why would I want to keep trolling onling dating sites when there was a perfectly good guy I met in real life?? I don’t know what the fuck your asshole boyfriend said to this guy but it was obviously something horrific about me and it was enough to convince this guy (who couldn’t get enough of my attention before) to avoid me like the fucking plague! You probably know what your boyfriend said and you think he did nothing wrong. Who the fuck was HE, or you for that matter, to decide who I should go out with?
After meeting creep after creep, loser after loser, I finally met someone decent. But nope, you two had to put a stop to that, didn’t you?! —Still Single
This article appears in Nov 1-7, 2012.
This person doesn’t sound like much of a friend at all. If she can’t level with you in an honest way about why she did what she did and provide you with a valid, caring reason, you should cut her out of your life…but not before really giving her a piece of your mind. She sounds meddlesome to the extreme.
Tell the two of them straight up that they (or at least her boyfriend) are not cool (I expect you to dress that statement with a lot of colourful language).
I’ve had similar experiences, OB. At first everything is peachy, going great, then it’s like someone flips a switch and the whole thing goes to hell. Literally from one day to the next, it flips upside down. Like, WTF? I usually don’t know what to do, and there really isn’t much TO do when the other person doesn’t even have the decency to respond. Try a little bit of e-mail/text/call terrorism for a day, then realize that he’s a jerk and move on.
Also, you can meet some nice people online, but it’s usually someone that you’ll ‘settle’ for, which isn’t really what you want to do. You don’t want someone who’s ‘alright’, you want someone who really stokes your fire! Yeah, Baby!
ugh… this is a tough one.
Because from the initial reading of this bitch, i hate your friends.
But let me ask you this.. and think really carefully about it – this is one side of a whole story, right? Do your friends have a history of sabotaging your game? If so, WHY do you still trust them?
But if not.. if they are often supportive and really good to you, you should ask yourself why a seemingly good friend with a good track record would warn a guy off of you? Do you have any tendencies toward bad relationship behaviour that might attribute to your past bad luck? Are you aloof? Jealous? Clingy? Cheating? (no judging.. just asking) Maybe he genuinely thinks you’d have a bad time with the guy….
or… maybe… your friend’s boyf has a thing for YOU and will stop at nothing to keep you available… Did that occur to you? It’s very possible. Just because a guy is attached, doesn’t mean his heart is elsewhere. In which case you have an even bigger problem on your hands.
It’s an ugly situation no matter what the reason.
Chances are, boyfriends hears girlfriend complain about you. He takes all that stuff she girl-bitches about and overshares with his pal. Girls dont run home to tell their man about the best afternoon tea they had with a friend, only complain when they feel slighted in some way (I shouldnt generalize, not all do this but too many do)
Time to back off friendship with this one.
Sorry it happened.
OB…first off, you haven’t got a clue .
I can tell that because you don’t know a friend from an acquaintence !
Secondly when someone takes advice & on the word of someone else & then for no other reason, brushes you off….take the hint & remember, THey obviously have no mind of their own, are easily led & that means they are No Great Catch !
you my dear, just dodged a fuckin’ bullet & should be glad you did.
What More said. If this guy was so decent and if he genuinely felt a connection to you, he would have taken the time and effort to draw his own conclusions instead of what he obviously did, which was to take his buddy’s word at full face value.
I’m sorry it happened OB. It sucks and no one deserves to be treated that way but, I’d say you’re better off.
And there’s nothing stopping you from still telling your so-called friends right where to get off, either.
not sure how old you are op, but i’d be having some serious conversations with my *friend* up close and personal
Have you told your friend anything that would scare this guy off? 30 minutes is a long conversation, unless he was bullshitting you must have a walk in graveyard.
See, this is the kind of thing that really pisses me off. Why can’t people just mind their damn business, shut their f’n pie holes and leave people to form their own opinion? Nooooo… Some people just have to air a person’s dirty laundry and shit all over any potential connection. OB, if this guy had a mind of his own, he wouldn’t have been so quick to blow you off and judge you based on “he said she said” shit. What a putz.
On the flip side, if the two guys are close friends and there are very legitimate concerns that he had (for example, your last two boyfriends disappeared without a trace
Continued…lol
, etc.), I suppose telling his friend would be justified. It probably could have waited for another time or place though
iceberg bitch 10% visible and 90% lurking below
‘Iceberg Bitch’ – Well done Good Dog! You’ve coined an excellent new term, a very succinct one as it turn out.
I kinda want to know what the friend told the guy … I get it, people should mind their own business and judge people on their own time but … if OP has a pattern, then I don’t see why you shouldn’t inform your friend about that (there is a difference between inform and discourage … and I think it’d have to be a really close friend for me to even express concern). I agree with Hezz though, probably the wrong place, wrong time.
… also the guy not adressing the situation with you at all and just “drinking all the kool-aid” his friends provide is sorta childish to me.
Iceberg bitch….love it! Not like…Love.
gee o.p., you didn’t miss out on me, i’m still here, anytime you are ready.
Ugggghh, fuck meddlers. Maybe you could try asking the lad what his friend said about you? If he still won’t talk to you, then forget him. Forget those “friends” too. I’ve had people I mistakenly labeled as friends do things like that to me too. Just like it wasn’t my fault, it’s not your fault they won’t get the psychological help they need.
Time to do the friend dump – that was one shitty move and it’s unfortunate the man in question didn’t have the balls to judge for himself.
Iceberg bitch! Good one GDM!
There does seem to be something big missing from this story. For so many players to act in such a bizarre fashion hints of a few pieces missing from the puzzle.
If this is how it unfolded repeat after me:
kick friend to curb
you’re welcome
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABzh6hTYpb8
Sounds like the bros might have had a little convo about your sexual history, of which I guarantee the boyfriend knows every detail your friend does. I have had guys pull me away from a girl for a little private slut shaming. “She gets around bro, just thought I should warn you brah. I got your back, bruh.” Too bad. I would ask your friend. She knows what really went down.
Whew… Did your friend ever save his buddies ass. You sound like a desperate psycho.
What FS said. Every girl I’ve dated has told me all their friend’s dirty secrets, except my current one, who doesn’t really have a ton of female friends.
Steve She doesn’t sound like a “desperate psycho”…confused and hurt by people she thought, had her back…..Like I said before-“trust no one”.
“trust no one”
And for want of a sweet effing clue, said person spent their life alone and bitter, while others understood life is a series of opportunities and learning experiences.
You should tell every guy you have a date with that you feel like this, Boru. I’ve gone on a couple dates with women, before my gf, where I found out what kind of self-imposed baggage these chicks CHOSE to saddle themselves with. I immediately stopped calling them.
To them I may have been a dick, but tell me who sincerely wants somwone who believes themselves damaged and untrusting of EVERY FUCKING PERSON IN THE
UNIVERSE?
OP- dump your friend. She told her bf what a “catch” you are, and he told his bro about it, to save him the problem of your company.
And sincerely- hook up with our buddy Blow Me. Stand up guy who will eat you and meat you.
P
^^
HGBPN Before your girlfriend,what if you met a woman you really liked but she came with self impossed bagage?Would you stop calling her or would you (because you like her a lot)stay with her to prove to her that she can have trust in you(someone)?…Some women don’t know how to have trust in anyone.We aren’t all PhyscoBitches.
Hell,I am a very nice woman.If I don’t say so myself.Lol…
OP are you sure this guy didn’t have another girl on the hook who your girlfriend didn’t know about. Maybe he went to him saying “hey you can’t do this to this other girl” sort of thing.
More possibilities are cropping up in my mind.
Painy Just wondering what does “^^” mean?
It means thinks I’m awesome.
Watch.
She’ll tell you.
P
paul is correct, but it can also mean i’m being funny or sarcastic, when they stand alone it means i like you or agree with you plus they look like little dog/cat/bat ears xox
^..^
>~<
hmmm, a kitty face you say painy .
very nice, especially since i know how you really, truly feel about kitties^^
Now Painy, there is no secret that I don’t like them, maybe in orange sauce , but I degress .
Just because I don’t like something, or have trouble grasping why you’d want to have an animal that defecates, pukes etc in your home …. doesn’t mean I would harm one, without a reason.
When my children were young they pulled the ‘found’ kitten routine on me several times & we had one of them for many years. By keeping it out of my bedroom, not petting it & with the family brushing it regularly , my alergies didn’t act up too bad …but I could never get to liking it, especially every time I walked by the “cat box” & I don’t care what you cat owners say .
I used to spend a lot of time on the road working & no matter how clean my ole lady & the kid’s were & they paid particular attention to screening the cat shit out, regularly changing the box etc. Whenever I came home I could smell ‘cat’ because they stink & its one of the things I love about my new place, no cats been in here & until I move out or die …. none are coming in here .
“it was obviously something horrific about me and it was enough to convince this guy…”
memememe me. OP, get over yourself. Abraham’s right, you don’t know what was said. Your girlfriends boyfriend likely saved you from an unobvious long row of shit to hoe.
other not so obvious Secret talk possibilities:
1) he’s a player. his friend called him on it so he wouldn’t fuck around with his girls friend. It’s called respect.
2) He’s got a girl already. he called him on it. It’s called respect.
3) he’s uncomfortable with his friend dating his girls friends. it’s called respect (in a bros before hos way)
4) many other senarios that don’t include you or who you are as a person.
Or, it could totally be you and every little imaginary fear you have about yourself has come true. and further to that, everybody knows and sees your dark scared little meager existance, because every other life revolves around yours, and mocks you and conspires to bring only unhappyness to your life.
I hope that was shocking enough for you to realize just how rediculous thinking that way is.
I know, ask the guy what he said and stop imagining what’s not real and find out what is. Go to the horses mouth and take your girl friend out of the equation. He’s obviously not telling her the truth either.
I just bet the OB is a psychopath who is going to boil his cat eventually.
mmmmmmmm boiled cat…. should we make soup, or shall I make up an orange ginger sauce ?
FYI I just bought some jasmin ….we could have rice with it ~;)
speaking of psychopaths^^i thought it was boiled bunnies
Just avoid going to parties hosted by sebastian/Mr. Meaty and his mom, OB. Seb just gets mad when a guy pays attention to a female in front of him.
Yes, that’s it. Take absolutely NO responsibility for your own actions and decisions. You ARE a victim.
“except my current one, who doesn’t really have a ton of female friends.”
Phewf. Glad she didn’t disclose my sordid past. 😛
Your gf’s too classy to be like dat, yo’, Thomas.
You lucky to have her — you better be [still] worshipping the shit out of her. Or else.