She’s mean and lazy. She won’t clean, won’t work, spends all my money and insults me constantly. Everytime I try to talk to her, it turns into an arguement. Most nights we sit in silence watching television. Sex is nearly non-existent and mostly consists of me doing things to her.
But, we have two wonderful children together and she’s a great mom.
So, I guess it’s worth it…right?
— Isolated and confused
This article appears in Aug 20-26, 2009.
Stay together till the kids are adult and out of the home, then divorce. Its over man.
I disagree. You must be a happy person to be all you can be for your children.
Do you really want to look back and realize that you spent a significant portion of your life in a miserable relationship? Do you really want your marriage to be the model of normal married/family life that your children will base their future relationships on? Get divorced and go for shared 50/50 custody. Keep it amicable and civil and your both you and your children will be better off.
It’s ultimatum time – either she goes for counselling with you or it’s over. Try your best and if she doesn’t agree, bail out. Better to love your children without them being poisoned by what interactions they must witness between the two of you. Wifey needs a wake up call FAST. Do not waste your life with someone who doesn’t respect you – you will only grow bitter and that will permeat every part of your life.
Get a divorce for the sake of the kids. You don’t want them growing up thinking that this is what marriage is supposed to be like.
grow a set, chuck the lazy nightmare of a hag and move on. i don’t know what your definition of a ‘good mother’ is, but the kids probably harbour a similar distain that you do.
they will hardly be the first children from a broken home. homes get broken for a reason and sometimes they’re better off that way.
you poor sick shit,i feel for you, but dump the bitch dude. you might even be doing the kids a favour. if they see how cowed she got you, then they learn the same shit. there will be someone else, or already is, and she wants you gone, get the idea. just fucking go,to hell with waiting til the kids are adults. by then you might kill yourself, or her, just leave and don’t fucking look back.
Broken homes are where it’s at dude….
Don’t flop every time the kid wants something and they’ll appreciate the value of a dollar… something your ice queen won’t be able to provide.
and drop the “approach”… you know it’s going to no-where’s-ville.
lazy, lost, and horney with kids nagging all the time… 6 weeks tops.
drop the cable and you’re saving yourself a couple weeks of hell.
you’ll thank me later… snoochie doochies.
Who was it that said “children would rather be FROM a broken home than IN one”? Don’t stay with her for the sake of the kids. That’s a terrible burden to place on them, and the previous posters are right about the relationship between you and your wife being imprinted on the kids.
Don’t just bail out, either = get some help, see if there is some way to save the relationship, if you can still find any love in your heart for this woman. She might be suffering from a mental illness that can be treated. She might be able to thank you some day for saving her life.
I can’t wait to get married and go thru the same things
She can still be a great mom while divorced. If you’re going to separate, I’d talk to a lawyer first to make sure she doesn’t try to screw you out of seeing your kids in some way, considering she seems to be such a sunny person.
isn’t this why we have universal health care? get help from qualified people. spare us the exhibitionist foreplay.
BM
Kids can tell when parents are unhappy, dude. I know I’d rather be from a broken home and not in one, like M’goo said. I know people who have admitted their greatest wish growing up is that their parents would get divorced. Don’t do that to your kid — “staying together for the kids” is just a crock of bullshit.
Life is too short to live it unhappy!
I was married to someone who turned into what you describe.
I tried to stick it out & it was a mistake, now that my children are older , they agree…do yourself & your children a HUGE FAVOR. Try the councillor route first. If that don’t work ( & it sure didn’t for me/us) get a lawyer & end the damn relationship…go for custody yourself, or at least joint custody.
Dude i have 2 kids as well spent 4 years with the bitch, in the 4 years she tryed commiting suicide 3 time and was diagnosed with bipolar and 2 personalities (in the first year of being together)… I put up with a lot and had the same problems. I styed with her for the simple fact of the kids. The sex started to stop ’cause I was getting annoyd with her drama I didnt find her sexualy attractive, my quiet time was going down to my aunts and hanging out there, doing yard work helping her around the house, so the bitch accused me of sleeping with her … lol … that was the final straw I snaped and seperated, now I still get to see my kids (Thanks to the courts), still have to give her money but that goes to the kids, and for me, no more suicide thoughts, and no more thoughts of killing her, been 2 years now, have met a new girl been with her for a year n a half and now i know how it feels to be loved, i’m soooooooo fuckin happy now……
Dude when the kids grow up to understand and see that their mom is fucked in the head they will understand why you left, hell they might whant to leave her as well…Child/Parent Divorce, it happens.
Dude pack ur shit and say fuck u cunt…..I’M FREEEEEEE….
I wish my parents would have gotten divorced, instead we (the kids) were subjected to years of trying not to listen to their fights and constant wondering if it was somehow our fault. Which it was, because if they weren’t together they would have both been happier, and if we didn’t exist they wouldn’t have been together. Kids are smart, I knew at the age of six that mom and dad didn’t love each other, at eight I had figured out that they were only staying together because of us.
The answer is no, it’s not worth it.
I agree with the others though you should make a real effort to save the relationship, and if she won’t make the same effort then it’s over. Also the lawyer thing, that’s good advice too.
Fuck that. I stayed in a loveless and sexless marriage for 12 years for my kids. I can tell you that they will be much happier to see YOU happy. This “staying together for the kids” bullshit is just a cop out. You either grow some balls and get out or you stay and be miserable. But dont expect the world to feel sorry for you. You have a choice.
Get yourself a nice skank on the side…
Start building your case now, start legally hiding our money away so she can’t take half of it, and if the house is in your name, have the deed changed to someone else’s name that you trust, so she can’t get half of that either. Give her an ultimatum to either shape up or ship out.
As a sleazy ambulance chasing lawyer, my advice is to come and see me where I will personally drain the living fuck out of your bank accounts and make you even more miserable than you are now.
Seriously, hit the road
I don’t think that providing a family model where one parent is stuck with earning all income and doing all household chores, is “being a good Mom.” Or Dad, honestly. Teach your children to take care of themselves, by taking care of yourself. You owe them nothing beyond love and contributing to their physical and educational needs. Which isn’t to say that this is “your fault,” per se. Just know that you don’t have to stay because you feel that you “owe” your children your happiness.
Sorry, isolated and confused, but you’re wrong. It is for your kids’ sake that you should leave. Unfortunately, your partner is a nasty piece of work. It will be better for your children if you show them how to have the courage to leave a bad situation, live a good life, not be a victim and be a positive influence. If you stay, all you are going to teach them is that it is acceptable to be treated like garbage.
NO
if your not happy then leave dont stay togther for the kids why would you do that?
I know now that my childhood experiences of how husband and wife should act towards each other is based on a lie and sham of a marriage, because my parents eventually divorced, but were never really in love with each other. It certainly doesn’t help the kids learn about love and realtionships.
Your kids just be happy to have a dad who’s also happy (now that dad’s doing what he really wants with his life by leaving his wife!).
The above posters are offering good advise, take and use it! 🙂 Counseling, consulting a lawyer, building a case…keep yourself healthy and active, keep working…you will be a good dad for your kids, no matter what.