When she takes out her teeth, how sexy is that for you? I couldn’t fucking take it and her pig shaped face anymore. Or the constant clinging like I was her only hope.

But maybe you’re an idiot. —Better Off Than You

This article appears in Nov 15-21, 2012.

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69 Comments

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  8. Just a minute, i don’t understand. Is the toothless pig the idiot? Or the one left with her? My reading comprehension seems a bit off tonight.

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  10. coastie, her last name wouldn’t start with a “c” would it? if so, i know of whom you speak, loud mouth bitch she is.

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  12. So you dumped her and you have to then complain afterwards (pig headed asshole fuck); that’s what one route could be, or perhaps she dumped you and you’re furious of the “humiliation” because you think you could have done better (I hope you know whether or not she dumped you because she felt used or not). Either way sorry your life hasn’t turned out the way you wanted it to OP.

    Before you girls think I’m this nice understanding guy who is the husband material, then somehow I suddenly become less attractive; Go fuck yourself.

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  13. coastie, but she is one good fuck. i used to ork with her, and at break time, we went at it like rabbits. fast and many times.

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  15. Hey don’t knock the false teeth (no pun intended). I’m sure the guys like it just fine!! 😉 plus they make her easier on the eyes. Win/Win!

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  17. Go figure, Blow Me loves the gummer. LOL!! I bet he goes down on any old hairy bush like he’s eating a boxing day turkey sandwich. Blech!

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  24. but hezz baby, pussies make the world go round, no pussy, then we would all go fucking nuts. and there would be a lot of sore assholes out there, in more ways than one. but i digress., you sexy beast, you.

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  26. Blow Thanks but no thanks,I like a man with teeth….A man thats a kitten in public but,a tiger in the bedroom.A man that constantly talks about “pussy” this and “pussy” that, not only shows dis-respect for the woman your intrested in but yourself as well,which isn’t becoming.I want a man that knows when,where and what to say while making love.

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  28. …LOL…Easy Wog,I didn’t mean to dis your man…lol…and I have a great sense of humour.

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  29. Yeah exactly take it easy on my man lol. I find you are a bit too serious for this bitch line. I know you are looking for Prince Charming but I hate to tell you Cinderella, He Don’t Exist.

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  30. I find you’re a bit too right-wing nut-job crazy for this bitch forum…
    but whatev’s. Don’t mean shit.

    She’ll find a keeper once she focuses exactly on anything but…
    I’m not saying I have ‘faith’, cause that would be ridiculous and worthless….
    but I still think it’ll happen.
    I’m on team Boru and not just because…
    http://www.drinkhacker.com/wp-content/uplo…

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  33. Well pal, if you’re too cheap to hire a hooker like the other losers who can’t get laid, then settle for gettin gummed by gumbi. She’s your only hope.

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  36. hahahahah dream on about prince charming. ZZZZZZZstop giving false hope to BORU. It sounds very stupid especially coming from a gem like you.

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  37. Not to worry Crapunzel. Someday, your prince will come:
    http://cstrips.bitstrips.com/SFZNS_LKG.png

    He’ll have to draw tits on your back to sustain wood and cry like a baby afterward but he will come.
    Hopefully you have an I.U.D. the size of the U.S.S. New Jersey:
    http://www.alnavco.com/Pete%20A140%20USS%2…

    because the last last thing the world needs right now is another bible-thumpin, stepfather-humpin, gold-diggin Honey Boo Boo like yourself.

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  39. Stand down, Keptin. If you’re thinking of joining the cast of “American Woggers” (tonite @ 9:00 on A & E) be advised that they don’t make latex thick enough, antibiotics strong enough, or Vaz oleagenous enough to compensate for the bragging rights that go with ‘bagging” this particular feral tusker.

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  40. avast! if anyone, even a fellow bogger, could fit a tatie in the tummy after 6 guinness, i’ll be a scotsman’s date.

    speaking of which, why do the wee mens wear kilts?
    because sheep can hear the sound of a zipper a mile away.

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  43. “I know you are looking for Prince Charming but I hate to tell you Cinderella, He Don’t Exist.”

    Says who, Wog-gag? YOU?? HAHAHAHA Yeah, cuz you’re OBVIOUSLY the relationship expert here. What gives YOU the right to say that?
    The notion of “the ideal match” or “prince (princess) charming” is subjective, meaning it’s different for everybody. It’s as varied and as broad as the population of this rock we live on. It’s a personal taste or preference. (I’m sure MontrealMan could, and probably will, expand upon this in great length) Your definition of prince charming and Boru’s are completely different.
    Having read posts from both of you over the past while, I think I can safely say that both of you have had your fair share of heartache and misery due to bad relationships. The difference is that Boru seems to be stronger than you. She hasn’t given up hope. Just because YOU’VE resigned yourself to shriveling up and dying, cold and alone, doesn’t mean that Boru, or anybody else for that matter, should or will.
    And maybe it turns out they DON’T exist for some people. It’s impossible to say one way or the other. So to sit there and tell someone that their “prince/princess charming” doesn’t exist, (Give up now. Abandon all hope), based solely on YOUR shitty life experiences is fucking arrogance personified. Personally, I’d rather go through life looking with hope and optimism than to just give up and be a miserable and bitter old crone like you seem to be.

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  46. come on guys, leave my woggie alone. until you really know her, don’t condem her. she is not the same in real time. after all, we all have our online personnas, don’t we.
    and you know me too well. i am neither for or against a lot of shit, but beat the posters here with their own twits.
    and speaking of twits, harper, behave yourself, or i will tell all your boyfriends about you. you see, i know who you really are.

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  48. Boru hasn’t let adversity rob her of her humanity or her courage and she has not given up.

    Woghag would be as much a cunt if she broke a fingernail or got a run in her support hose.
    That’s the difference

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  49. Och! Ivan, haud yer whisht!. That made me MacGroan!

    Here’s an old one for you, Molly:
    Did ye hear about the 2 gay Irish lads?
    Gerald Fitz William and William Fitz Gerald!

    Or….

    An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar and each orders a pint. As they’re sitting at the bar, 3 flies buzzing around the beer taps, simultaneously land in each man’s drink. Plop! Plop! Plop!
    The Englishman curls his lips in disgust and rudely asks the barman for a spoon in order to fish out the offending insect.
    The Irishman looks at his own drink, watches the fly for a moment or two, shrugs his shoulders and casually dips his fingers in and pulls the fly out and throws it away.
    The Scotsman eyes his own pint glass intensely and, like a cat pouncing on a mouse, deftly plunges his fingers into his lager, pinches the fly between his thumb and forefinger and pulls it out, all in one sharp, fluid movement. A smile of satisfaction spreads across his face and he immediately shakes the fly over the top of his glass exclaiming, “Och! Right! I caught ye new, ye wee bastid! Spit it oot! C’mon! SPIT IT OOT!”

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  52. SPIT IT OOT!

    You guys are hilarious!

    And paingirl, I thought that movie was about vampires? They look like a couple of monkeys, always climbing around in the trees

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  53. so an irish boy is before the family court looking for a new home – his parents beat him so badly. the judge says ‘go to your auntie’ then’ but the boy says, ‘no, my aunty beats me worse’ ‘wll what about your grandparents, lad?’ ‘no sir! they beat me worst of all’. ‘well, who can we give you too then?” says the judge. “give me to that english futball team sir, thay can’t beat anyone!”

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  55. The online persona is all we know about people here Blow, it’s all you can go on. If one wants to play a character, expect that character to be treated accordingly.

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  56. How about the 2 gay Scotsmen:
    Ben Doon and Phil MacAvity

    Bogslag must love Twilight. It’s got everything a good Christer could possibly want.
    Necrophilia, bestiality and a refutation of the theory of Evolution.
    As in, pouty no-talent teenage starlets CANNOT evolve into decent actresses, no matter how many diverse projects they attempt.

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  57. not quite a vampire, but when i was a kid, high as a kite on jack london, i filed my canines and used to skulk the neighbourhood

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  58. It’s a good thing we didn’t run into each other as kids Good Dog, while I was busy skulking my neighborhood, light saber in hand. Vampires and Jedi are notorious for not getting along.

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  60. Did you hear about the Scottish pork butcher who was arrested for beheading a customer who complained about the markup?
    “He deserved it for insulting my Profit!”

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  61. cap..jedi??? lo, it would have been my grandchildren snapping at yer heels.

    no vampire me…i was WHITE FANG, stalking she-wolf of winterpeg!

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  62. so an englishman is visiting ireland, and decides to go bear hunting. he equips himself with a nice shotgun, boots and vest and heads into the forest. after hours of mucking about, he spies a nice, fat bear and fires.
    he misses the bear. before he can reload, the bear rushes over to him, pins him against a tree stump, and hollers “how dare you shoot at me, you pommey bastard, in my own forest’
    the pommey bastard quakes in fear, knowing he is seconds from dismemberment. he pleads for his life. the bears considers this.
    ‘ok, i’ll tell you what…i will let you live….if…..you promise never to come back, and you let me have my way with you’
    the englishman is horrified, but wants to live. so he drops his knickers and bends over.
    when the bear is finished, the man runs from the forest in shame and humilation.
    however, after a time, his shame turns to rage, and thoughts of revenge. he buys a semi automatic and returns to the scene of his infamy. after hours he spies the bear and sprays the forest with bullets. completely missing the bear. again. aghast, he drops the rifle as the bear thunders over. “again? again? how dare you!” roars the bear. “this time i mean it! if you ever come back again i will rend you limb from limb – now bend over!” the man is quaking with fear, then shaking with the pounding the bear inflicts upon his tender arse.
    “get out!” roars the bear “and never, ever return”
    the englishman flees for his life. and the bear resumes his peace and quiet in his forest.
    however, the englishman’s pride is at stake. he must kill his nemesis and the only witness to his shame. he buys an uzi.
    striding back into the forest, sure of his weaponry, he dashes to and fro til he comes across the bear. he fires til the rifle glows, til the trees are shredded, the woods are ringing and his arms trembling. but he once again, completely. misses. the. bear.
    stricken with horror, the man freezes as the bear slowly, inevitably, relentlessly ambles towards him and then says ” you’re not REALLY here for the hunting, are you?”

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  64. A Scotsman walks into a London pub and asks in his proud Scots brogue for a whiskey.
    On hearing his request, 3 resident English lads thought they’d have a bit of fun trying to rile the Scotsman up. All 3 agreed that Scots always took the bait and were easy prey.
    The first English lad sits beside the Scotsman and announces for all the pub to hear, “St. Andrew was a poofter!” Thinking this would surely set Scotsman off, he was shocked when all he did was turn to the Englishman and said, “Oh, aye. I didnae know that.”
    Puzzled, the first Englishman walked back to his friends.
    Determined, the second Englishman said, “I’ll get him, chaps!” and sits down next to the Scotsman, quietly sipping his whiskey. He turned to the Scotsman and said even louder, “St. Andrew used to have sex with men for money!” A smug grin creeped across the Englishman’s face, but it was quickly wiped away when the Scotsman simply said, “Oh aye. I had idea.” Dejected, the second Englishman sat back down with his mates.
    The 3rd Englishman told his friends that they were approaching it all wrong and that he was almost guaranteed to get the desired reaction from the Scotsman. He then walked up to Scotsman and states in a loud voice, “St. Andrew was an Englishman!”
    So sure and satisfied that his comments would have the Scotsman enraged, the 3rd Englishman gives a triumphant wink to his 2 friends looking on eagerly.
    The Scotsman, not taking his eyes off his glass says, “Oh aye. I know. Yer mates were just tellin’ me.”

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  67. Sheik Abdul Amunkir was admitted to Southampton General Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally, so, the call went out for help.

    Finally a Scotsman, Willie Murdoch was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
    After the surgery, Sheik Abdul sent Willie, as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and 10,000 US dollars.

    A few weeks later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates. Willie Murdoch was shocked that the Sheik did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him, ‘I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds and some money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street.’

    To this the Arab replied, ‘Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins.’

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