Life is busy. We all wanna get shit done, we all wanna make it to the end of the day in one piece. And, we wanna heal (with possible exceptions.) I know I’m guiltier than most when it comes to being overly dreamy and hopeless and talking too much, however, I’m tired of people—all sorts—vacillating between making demands on others and acting very indirect about simple things and expecting people to read their minds.
They make stupid noises that belong in cartoons for kids instead of vocalizing what’s actually going on, ask leading questions and use manipulating gestures that frankly, freak me out as someone who has been abused in the past. Well, it leaves me feeling flustered and confused, like, if I have to change who I am so that you don’t have a meltdown about your grandma dying TEN YEARS AGO, then fuck off and get professional help. If you want help, request it. If you’re feeling your feels, state it. If you have an idea, say it. I have myself to deal with and that’s more than enough at the best of times, so filling in your gaps is not an option now or ever. I had to learn online and in workshops how to communicate properly. It isn’t rocket science, but it’s also not entirely common to have great role models so I’ll forgive you that. You already know what you want, but do you ever bother to ask yourself what you actually NEED?
And have you even stopped to think that perhaps my autonomy and self-respect holds more importance than this pseudo relationship? I refuse to become an extension of your anxieties, I reject your pouting face that’s supposed to make me bend over backwards, and I will no longer tolerate people who fabricate thrones out of their supposed purity of heart. The pure of heart don’t suck the life out of everyone else in the room. K bye.
—I’d rather not
This article appears in Jan 17-23, 2019.
Yup…been there, done that. Not fun.
Good luck with your situation.
And ‘vacillate’ is my new verb of the day.
Thanks!
Have you ever asked them to specifically state what they want? I find that helpful.
Goo goo gaa gaa.
Honey, if there’s something that you want or need from me, tell me specifically what that is.
I want you to be less of a bitch and understand the impact of the loss of my grandmother has had on me.
I don’t know what type of people you’re hanging around with, but I think you’re embellishing a bit. Are you sure that those “weird cartoon noises” aren’t just a person having trouble articulating what they want to say and having a very rough time? And death is fuckin’ hard, man. Going to a doctor is no quick fix, and oftentimes doctors see prolonged grief as an illness to be medicated, not understood. As a friend, the best thing to do is just be there for them, and if they won’t tell you why they’re upset, just let them get to it on their own terms. I’m not saying you should be there purely as a shoulder to cry on, but the loss of a loved one’s impact NEVER just goes away, not ten years from now, not fifty years from now. Instead of judging, just try to do what you can or search for friends who are less emotional.
About 20 years ago, I culled my circle of friends. Best move ever. No needy whining suits me just dandy.
Yeah, what Jeff Jeff said. What this person needs is probably what they want tbh… They want you to be there for them. They need you too be too. Have you ever tried to get professional help in this province…? Unless you have deep pockets or a good health insurance plan. The NS mental health system can be a joke at bed sometimes… Like mistreating people for 11 years with medication for an illness they didn’t have, instead of giving them proper treatment and councilling for the actual illness they have…. Jeeze imagine going through that mess in your 20’s… Sounds like your ex-friend has some mommy-daddy issues they are desperately trying to work out and perhaps instead of being passive aggressive you can try and get them the help they need.