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To my esteemed colleagues on the office floor below, and you know who you are, I shouldn’t have to tell you this but I guess I do.
When you have to take a dump, use the washroom on your own fucking floor.
You come up here, stink the place up, then go back to your own space.
WTF is that ?
This article appears in Jul 17-23, 2008.
24 Comments
Wow – you mean I’m not the only one to be ambushed by rogue shitters from other departments? I walked in on one of these cowards trying to pinch one off in my floor’s washroom one morning (that’s right, you weren’t the only one in the building at 7am, douche!) but he pretended to wash his hands instead. Get over yourself. Just take your shit in the nearest washroom and stop the charade. (By the way, to all of you who wander into the office gym washroom at lunch, you’re not fooling anyone: we all know you’re going in to take a shit. Shame on you as well).
i dislike it more when they spray that floral-berry airfreshner crap. no, that doesn’t hide the fact you just went number two. all it does is make it smell like you shit raspberries.ah shit berries- such a more pleasant smell than poop….
I had a job in a hospital once. The bathroom close to my office was for staff, but patients used it all the time. Now, if you know about hospitals you know that for better or worse, the people who frequent the various clinics to be tested / treated for chronic disease are statistically known to be poor, uneducated and obese. (I know it sounds rude, but it’s a fact.)Now, imagine that you walk into the bathroom and are prepared to do your business and you notice shit smeared into the wall around the tissue dispenser and / or on the seat. You wouldn’t believe how many times I saw it.Now I get that some of these folks are sick, obese, and have very little energy. I understand that they may have limited mobility and thus reaching around their considerable bulk and wiping might be a tricky maneuver. I get that hospital toilet paper is made of 30-year-old newspaper, or onion skin, or lace or something. It’s cheap. I get that fingers may poke through, or even miss the target altogether, and result in some accidental fingerpainting . It has never once in my entire life happened to me…but…I can see, theoretically, how it could happen to someone whose physical capacities have been reduced by years of chronic illness and pain.But, good golly Jesus mother fuckin God, can someone not at least have the presence of mind to see what has happened, feel some twinge of shame and embarrassment – or even just plain “OOPS” – and clean up after themselves???The really scary thought is you just bloody well KNOW that these fuckers don’t even consider washing their hands as they leave the fucking bathroom.FUCK!!!
It’s been 15.5 hours since I wrote my second poopy finger story and I still can’t forget the image of Ali-G sitting at a little kids’ table, in pigtails, fingerpainting in brown and with a huge grin on her face with Mr. Hanky written all over it. Well, smeared, literally.
My Gripe is not only with poople (no that wasn’t a typo) who fingerpaint but also the one’s that have their big steamy clam bake shit and don’t flush. There’s nothing worse than going to take a shit and seeing someone’s aborted fecal matter hanging ten on pile of chocolate coloured toilet paper.
You guys are gross
Especially, Jaymact, when it is one of those great masses of illness-induced “loose movements” that slowly disintegrates in the water, and by the time you get there it has churned the bowl into a great steaming, stinking cauldron of hideous brown soup comprised of their last two days of KFC, KD, Coke, hot dogs, beans and pork, and french fries.
so not only are you watching your washroom, (hey it’s a guy terratorial thing, right? please, tell me I’m right..) but you are watching who goes and who does not go into that terratory.from a psychological point of view, that’s interesting….and just a little significant. does your partner know you do this?
Exactly Jammie. I guarantee that there are people who save it up for work so they don’t have to stink up their own bathrooms. My work has about 8 stalls and on a regular basis at least 3 of them are filled with Mr. Hankie lookalikes. Is there not some sort of bathroom code of conduct? If there isn’t there should be.
David I think you may be on to something… Jammie and Jaymact (same person..??) seem to both be having a bit too much fun with this… I flunked out of psychology school, but I learned enough to recognize a couple of fecel-files when I see them…So whats your diagnosis david and what treatment do you recommend…???
I am most definetely one person, unless that was my other personality talking… 🙂 jk
JK is wasn’t so much of the schizo thing that I was concerned about… It was you know… the SHIT Fetish…LOL re accidental fingerpainting Jammie… You are one funny fuck… How I ever mistook you for the unnamed, I’ll never know..BTW Jam man,,, did I see you at the jazz tent today..???
Ohhhhhhh Floyd. Now I’m Jaymact huh? I guess it beats the H-word. Come on! You have to appreciate the idea of alison finger-painting with pooh, with Mr. Hanky having danced around her face! It’s classic!(You gotta get caught up SP man…)
No I wasn’t at a jazz tent today, but I was thinking about going to see Deerhoof tomorrow night…So many cool bands in town this weekend with the jazz fest and Summer Slam.I HIGHLY recommend Hey Rosetta! to anyone who hasn’t seen them – they opened for Metric at the Cunard Centre last year and they were fantastic.
also there’s afro-musica at the tent sat night… wicked thumb-snap style bass player… salsa picante tonight.. I’ve seen both bands many times and would highly recommend…
Oh nice I didn’t know that. do any of these bands use the mbira? I love the sound of the mbira…(if you don’t know what it is, you can sometimes see them fashioned out of cigar boxes, with the tines of a rake affixed to it almost like a keyboard, and the individual tines a re plucked with the thumbs….it makes an amazingly rich, hypnotic sound that is almost like electronic trance music….)
I have never heard the name ‘mbira’ before but I think it is AKA a thumb piano.. A Halifax-based band KOJO uses this instrument.. I have seen them a few times (at the tent) but I dont know if they are playing or have played this year… Hypnotic is a good adjective for the sound…
Yes thumb piano. The karimba is similar. I once saw a band that used the thumb piano, the didjeridu, one of those Celtic hand drums that you strike with a brass-knuckles sort of thing that looks like a pair of balls, and one of those drums that is basically a hollow block of wood with slits cut in it that you strike with little sticks like a xylophone. The sound was simply incredible – it really sounded like you could have been in a huge club listening to so-called tribal techno. Quite overwhelming.
Just to stay on topic – I bet it would be really hard to play the mbira after wiping amy really enormous ass with onion skin.
Neat stuff all the traditional and world rhythm instruments… Rogue shitters (great phrase Kwyjibo) not so neat…
Similar minds to thread it back to the topic…
And I thought you were totally a classic rock guy, Floyd…interesting how first impressions go.
Classic Rock all my life… World Music past 10-12 years… Its new and fresh and very much alive.. Wow…
I’ve never been on board with classic rock. I think I’m just four or five years too young to have been really exposed to it in it’s original time. Where I grew up all the good ole boys listened to certain bands endlessly, but by then it was already dated and it seemed like these guys were stuck in the past. It was tainted for me I guess.I was more of a post-punk fan, which to the good ole boys was just so “gay”. I’ve always continued to like the post-punk and I was really diggin’ the post-punk revival of the past few years. I liked alternative (though I continue to hate the label “alternative”. It’s just newer rock with a few different influences thrown in.) Now I am into the so-called indie. I think it’s a real testament to the lasting power of bands like Bahaus, Joy Division / New Order, the Cure, Flock of Seagulls, etc., that so many of the hot new “scenester” acts of the last few years have been so heavily influenced by them. Even big name bands like the Pumpkins back in the 90s were so New Order it wasn’t funny (most people think New Order were just a dance act but but actually most of their work was pretty much post-punk / rock / or hybrid.)I can’t wait to see Bloc Party at the Marquee in September!Don’t get me wrong I totally appreciate the artistry of progressive rock acts of the 70s like Floyd, Yes, Moody Blues, Queen, etc.. Early metal like Zeppelin and Deep Purple. Even Fleet Mac, etc. I know bands like the Eagles and Steely Dan were HUGE back then but they just bore me to tears. I do have to confess I LOVE old funk.I just don’t really get into playing their albums.